Omg Advice

3 Replies
depressed - March 30

i broke up with my bf of 10 years a couple months ago to be w/ a man i fell in love with from the internet.. we've known each other for about 6 years.. visits.. phone calls. I consider him my best friend and tell him everything.. but feel now that i cant.. as of now i am 15 weeks pregnant and my family.. and my ex's family who i also consider my family are urging me to come home (currently in another country) to top it off my x wants me to come back too. now during this emotional time i realize that i am not over him but i still love the man i am with. I honestly feel that because i am not over my x that i would have left by now. not just to go back to him.. but to sort things out.. closure.. whatever. my x wants to me come back and have the baby there so in case i decide the relationship w/my current bf isnt going to work i wont have issues w/ custody and citizenship.. as of now.. i know no one in this town.. i am alone all the time cuz he works.. we argue quite a bit..nothing too serious.. there are other things happening in our life which is causing me to seriously stress out and feel depressed. I dont want to hurt him and leave.. i do love him.. and want him to be with his baby.. but i cant go on feeling like this anymore. i also feel that he isnt over his x wife.. that he recently divorced. im having trouble dealing with this situation.. and the fact that i got pregnant well.. a previous surgery led me to believe.. even by doctors advice that pregnancy was something id probably never experience..so it was something i didnt think would ever be an issue.. my x tells me that he is willing to work with this pregnancy and help me financally etc etc.. even if we arent together. we had a long established relationship torn apart by constant fighting and a loss of a baby.. I do trust his judgement and logic.. and believe what he says.. my current bf told me once that i could go back,( because we have talked about me being depressed and alone), to sort things out but only after the baby is born.. and the baby would have to stay w/ him.. this just makes me feel like hes willing to take my baby away from me..and wants to ensure custody by having the baby born here as well.. even if we dont work out.. im far too emotional.. which is so not me.. to be able to come to a decision about this or think logically.. i mean if i did go back.. id have a job right away so i could get maternity..family and friends support.. no worries about losing custody over citizenship..they all tell me if he wants to be with me that bad that he'll move to be with me.. but at the same time i dont want to hurt him this way and feel that i cant really be with either of them because i love them both.. i just feel so torn up about this.. Can anyone offer any unbiased advice?

 

Audrey - March 31

I know how it feels to be torn between two people. You'll have to do a lot of soul-searching to determine who will be right for you. Try to take a few days' vacation by yourself so you'll be away from all the ruckus and be able to think straight. Make a list of each person's good and bad qualities and ask these questions. Who will you be happier with? Which one of these people do you love enough to be willing to take a few risks for? Where will you be able to get the emotional and financial stability? Best of luck!

 

jenc - March 31

ding your statement it sounds to me like you still have alot of unresolved issues with the ex- and still miss him...that says alot...i did the same thing 6 years ago, broke up with my ex, starting dating a new guy, my ex came and said he wanted me back, and even though i missed him i decided not too- and i regret it.....everyday i miss the x, and i happily prego with the new guys baby, i still think of my ex everyday, and wish i was im starting the family we always wanted - i keep all this to myself obviously, but my advice as someone wh's been there, if you don't try with the ex you will regret it - on some level, and might even resent thbe new guy.........good luck, i know rright now no choice seems like the righht chioice!

 

Sandy - March 31

I would come back home, to have the support of all my friends and family, but I won't come back to the ex just yet. Just be alone, in famillar surroundings for a while, to figure things out.

 

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