Pregnant And Alone

10 Replies
Chelsea - September 9

I am 20 yrs old and recently found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend of 3 years was supportive at the beginning, but we had a fight and I broke up with him. I told him just because I'm having his baby doesn't mean we have to be together. Well, when I tryed to call him back later that night and tell him I wanted to still be with him, he told me that I needed to get an abortion. I was devestated, considering this is my second pregnancy and the first was a miscarriage. And we were both really upset over that. He told me that if I didn't get the abortion then we weren't going to be together, and that if I did, he would marry me that same week, and we would move in together. I don't want to get the abortion. But I love him so much, and I dont want to lose him. I just don't understand, after all this time he could say this to me. He said that he wanted to tell me to get an abortion when I first told him I was pregnant again. But that's so hard to believe cause its not like him. He said he wants to have the family the right way, after were done with college, and in our own house. But to me thats now god intended it to happen. Is he scared, is he in denial? Help!! I am so confused, and alone. I want him to be there for me and the baby. I dont know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?


Erin - September 9

Hey girl! You should read "Can someone please give me advice as to whether or not to have an abortion?" Its under this thread- should be one or 2 away from yours. Good info, and hang in there, I know this is a confusing time for you, but it will all work out in the end. Do what is right for YOU, based on YOUR beliefs and values. And check out those messages!! It might really help. There is a girl on there who went through EXACTLY what you're going through- her bf told her he'd marry her if she got an abortion.


tracy lobban - September 17

forget him, and focus on the special life you have growing inside you. after all you have been through, you owe it to yourself and your child to make a good , safe secure life for eachother. always remember, whats for you, doesnt go by you. good luck x x


Tiffany - September 20

Sounds just like my EX.. All I can say is move on - you will find someone that loves you and that baby. (My ex- promised me a car if I had gotten an abortion). I don't know where I'd be today without my beautiful children!


Kari - September 21

Chelsea, never ever make a decision based on him. If abortion is something you would do if he wasn't suggesting then maybe consider it, if it only came to mind when he said so I wouldn't do it. My boyfriend told me the same thing and we ended up staying together. We are apart now because he is emotionally abusive and cheating on me while I am 32 weeks pregnant. Don't make decisions based on him, make you choice stirctly for yourself!!!


joyce - September 21

keep the baby.


Rose - October 31

Hey girl. Don't get the abortion unless it's something that u really want, If you do you will end up hating him and leaving him. My last boyfriend forced me to have an abortion and he dragged me to the abortion clinic. He said the same things your boyfriend said. I went ahead with the abortion. After that day I started to hate him. Then I just stayed with him to use him. I still hate him till this day. He recently contacted me and told me that if he could take it back he would of never forced me to have the abortion. I just told him "too little too late" and hung up. Girl, you are a mother now, it's time for u to start putting your child first.


Laura - November 1

You say that you love him so much, but loving your child is so far a deeper love sometimes it is scary. I was 19 when my first was born and I did it pretty much on my own, the stress he is going through about the news caused my "night in shining arrmor" boyfriend to change and hit me so I left 10 weeks into pregnancy. On top of that I developed preeclampsia and almost lost my baby girl. We were together off and on and after pregnancy his abuse got worse. I stayed because I loved him even through the constant emotional abuse and occasional balck eyes and bloody noses. 5 years have gone by and sometimes I wish I had kept my distance. Use your heart in the decission. Not the love for him but the love of your baby which never goes away, only gets stronger. They feel you, if he makes you unhappy they feel it. Keep the gift God gave you, you can get pregnant again and again, but you will never have another chance with this precious one again. If he really loves you enough to marry you he will stick around once he holds the tiny baby that has unimmaginable love for you both. Your life is nolonger about you and him; it is about your family wether it is the two or three of you. Love every minute of it.


Aria - November 2

Thin kof it this way: Do you really want to spend your life with a man who had no problem destroying a life you both created together? I'm sorry but Iwould have a mighty hard time waking up and seeing his face every morning knowing he would marry me unless I paid the price.


Mary - November 2

Something very similar happened to me. I had been dating my boyfriend for 4 and one half years, and we had been planning on getting married. Then I got pregnant, though we always used birth control. He did not want the baby and told me that he would not stay with me if I did not have an abortion. Thinking that I could not raise a child alone, I made several appointments to get an abortion -- but I could not go through with them. I decided that I would have the baby no matter what. At that point, my boyfriend got on board and said that he would stay with me, we would get married and raise the baby together. I told him that though I wanted his help, we did not necessarily need to be married, but since he is from a conservative background, it was important to him. He told his whole evangelical family. Then, during my eleventh week, the fetus's heart stopped beating. Within a day, my (ex) boyfriend called the wedding off. We are no longer together. I had to have a D&C because after two weeks I had still not lost the fetal tissue. I ended up going to the hospital with a girlfriend. I was broken hearted both about the baby and about how my relationship with my boyfriend turned out. I could not believe that having known someone so well (I thought), and so long that he could respond to the situation as he did. He is, supposedly, against abortion; and I am pro-choice, but I don't think that women should be forced into getting abortions. Now I get tears in my eyes every time I see a baby. I am so glad though that I did not get an abortion. I don't know how I would have lived with the knowledge that I ended a life. It was horrible enough having a miscarriage. If your boyfriend is not supporting you now, when you really need him, think seriously about whether he will be trustworthy in the future. I know that people can get scared and panic around the prospects of pregnancy and/or marriage, and maybe act out of fear -- but you want a partner you can count on, and there are people like that out there. I know that you feel scared and alone. You are not. There are so many people who will love and help you --don't use all your time pursuing those who will not. You are young, and I believe, as you said, that children are gifts to be cherished. You will find another man (or woman) to love and help you, but it is much harder to replace a child.


Carleen - November 9

Chelsea, hunny dont let this guy play mind games with you!! You should be the one making him feel like an a__s! you should never have to pick between your baby, your flesh! and a man, I mean what the hell?? Is that really love or is it a man, or should i say boy tring to get his way.... tring to get out of paying child support, only to dump you in a years time, then you will regret having an abortion! Dont do it hun. My ex sperm donor left me when I was 4 months pregnant, he wanted me to have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption, I said no and he moved out of state, fine I'm the bigger person here, not him. He has to think everyday that he has a baby that doesnt know who his father is and thats something he has to live with, not me I made the right decision, my baby is 8 weeks old now and is beautiful!!! Ive done it by myself and you can too!! I hope you make the right decision



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