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Claudia - April 12th, 2005 8:50 PM

I am 13 weeks pregnant and 2 days ago my boyfriend decided that he wasn't ready for that kind of life. When I told him about the pregnancy he was ok with it, he even suggested we get married and be together that he was ok with and assured me that everything would be fine, not to worry, but little by little he started getting more distant. He lives with his father, yet he is 26 years old. He told his father about the baby and he told him to to ask me to have an abortion I told I was hoping it wasn't what he wanted and he said no I don't. He has gone to several appointments with me and he was great up until 2 days ago. I don't know what to do. Not to mention that I am out on disability because of severe morning sickness and co-workers are saying that my boss is trying to find a way to fire me. I also have an 8 year old from a previous marriage that I have to saty strong for, but I have found it very hard to try and stay strong. I moved away from my family, 3,200 miles away to be exact to live with him where I live at now and he decided he didn't want to be with me cause he wanted to hang out and be free and me and my son were holding him back. So we broke it off but not really, he always stayed in contact with me and was a father to my son which is his stepson. We got back together and I got pregnant a few months later. I dont know how much more I can tak, everyone tells me how strong I am but I don't think I am. That is why I decided to put it out here. I feel like no one understands me and all they say is it will be ok, and not thattelling me that is bad but I don't know is not what I want to hear right now. Everything I hear doesn't come from the person I want it to come from, which is him. How can he make so many promises and then act like this bay and I are just something he can so easily erase. Even the day he broke up wothme we had a wonderful day together and he was mentioning how the nest appointment was next week and we might find out the s_x of the baby. My thought is that his family has bought him out of my life. Cause even though he broke it off he stills calls me, so I don't understand. Is it some kind of sick joke does he get pleasure out of seeing me suffer or what? I don;t know what to believe anymore. Whether to take him back if he decides to come back again or just try and get on with him bacuse it is not the first time he decides he doesn't want to be with me but then never really breaks up with me and continues to call me and I never hear he is with any other girl. Any words of advice. Please anyone... clopez024@yahoo.com


aisha - April 13th, 2005 6:08 AM

I read your story and I wanted you to know that you arent as alone as you think. Im 31 and pregnant with my 4th child for someone that was told that he couldnt have kids. Yea the oldest story in the books but in his case true...we were involved in a physical relationship and I fell pregnant. We werent exclusive but he was the only one at that time that I was with whom I didnt use any contraception with....so the baby is his. Its been hard for me to accept that he isnt going to be as into this pregnancy as he could because of the fact that he was told that he couldnt have kids but i look at it in this way; Hes not telling me to leave him alone, he wants to know whats going on with me, he wants to know the s_x...I guess for me Im going to have to have a paternity test when the babies born in order to cement the reality for him. This is his miracle baby and he will love the baby especially if he never expected to have any period. People say Im strong all the time...Im telling you to separate your emotions from the reality. Your situation is what it is. Dont fight for someone that doesnt deserve that fight. Trust me...if he plavces any worth on his baby he will come around. Be easy and you will find it all easier to deal with, you can email me on hadiha@hotmail.com..just stay strong nena
Peace


Claudia - April 13th, 2005 11:39 AM

HE hasn't said he doesn't want the baby. He just said he didn't want to be with me, that he wasn't ready but that he will help with the baby.He is even telling me he wants to go with me to the next appointment. But it hurts when I talk to him and it kills me to know all the promises he made to me and look where I am at now. I feel he is just promising for the baby too and he won't come thru. So instead of getting my hopes up I am just going to move close to my family and stay away from him. My family is offering to help and I feel that it is my only option right now. I will have help with the baby and my 8 year old so I may work the only thingv is I will be very far from him. But it is his choice I moved out here for him and he didn't stand for anything he promised so if he wants us now let him move back there. I don't know, I am so confused. I don't want to think anymore.


Audrey - April 13th, 2005 12:22 PM

Claudia- You are doing the right thing by moving back to your family. You and your child(ren) need stability right now more than anything. Your boyfriend is scared of commitment and/or is being manipulated by his parents, and you don't need someone like that right now. By the way, in Canada if you can prove that you were fired because you were pregnant, you can take them to court. I don't know how it works in the U.S. Best of luck!


Claudia - April 13th, 2005 2:08 PM

Yeha that is another issue I am working on, trying to prove that they are discriminating me because of my pregnancy at work. I have too many things in my plate right now, So I dont know what to do anymore.


Aishah - April 13th, 2005 9:47 PM

Pregnancy is only 9 short months. The baby is going to be with you for a lifetime. I wouldnt move. I would wait and see what happens.


Claudia - April 13th, 2005 10:58 PM

Wait for what? He doesn't want to be with me.


crystal - April 14th, 2005 2:06 AM

Have u asked him y he doesn't want to be with? did he break up with u out of the blue? if he did i think that their is something esle going on.


Claudia - April 14th, 2005 1:42 PM

I spoke to him today and I asked him so he said that now that he was considering spending the rest of his life with me that he realized he wasn't in love with me anymore.


Mari - April 14th, 2005 10:45 PM

Well girlie, I'm in a similar situation except I really REALLY havent HEARD from my baby's daddy in weeks (he was also VERY excited about the baby in the beginning). I am 12 weeks pregnant and feeling apprehensive about my future, even though I fell in love with the baby's dad's friend- and HE really wants to take care of me and BABY!


crystal - April 15th, 2005 1:35 AM

Claudia were u guys fighting and aruging alot? Someone does not just fall out of love with u just like that, he's been thinkin about this for a while now u need to talk to him more and find out what happed, b/c u dont sound like u do. Ask more questions. I mean if hes not in love with thats fine u dont have to be with him but he at least give u an explanation.


April - April 15th, 2005 9:02 PM

I COMPLETELY understand what you're going through. My boyfriend (who is 27 and living with his parents again) broke up with me when I was about 16 weeks pregnant. He said he didn't have time for a relationship, he needed to build his business. So what does he do? He gets another girlfriend (a 20-year old girlfriend... I am 22 and I thought I was too young for him... haha). It was really really hard at first. We hadn't been getting along well even before I got pregnant, but the last thing I expected him to do was get another girlfriend. It felt like I got cheated on. It affected my eating and sleeping. But I think I was more upset that he wasn't thinking about what was best for the baby. (Causing me stress was NOT good for the baby and he knew it) I was also really upset and hurt that he was going to miss everything and didn't care... he still hasn't felt the baby kick and she's been kicking for two months now! I haven't talked to him in a month. He used to go to the dr. appts. at least (cause I used to pick him up and take him to them) but he missed the last one because he had business. I've had some minor complications that he doesn't even know about... it's really sad. But anyway, my advice is to just get on without him for now. Try your hardest not to think about it. It DOES get easier with time. As for taking him back if he decides to come back.. that's up to you to decide, but if you do you better make him make this up to you! Because being pregnant and alone is HARD.


Aisha - April 16th, 2005 9:24 AM

wait to see if he comes around..I have kids from a previous marriage and trust me this time is the easy part. Once he sees the baby he will accept that baby regardless of you.
Then again you knew that he didnt want to be with you and even when you broke up with him you were still having s_x with him and fell pregnant...so you made your bed and now you have to lay on it. Maybe Im cold hearted but with this pregnancy ...the father is someone I adore but not to the point that Im going to run after him...nopes...I call him and let him know whats going on and he can deal. He knows Im stubborn and can cut him off easily. The thing that kinda creeps me out is that women try to find another man when they are pregnant for another ...how can you be with another man when you are carrying someone elses child..cant we wait a few months before we are back on the man hunt? I dont get that..Good luck claudia...you will need it.
Peace


April - April 16th, 2005 10:36 AM

Aisha... I agree about not finding another man... I just can't date while I'm pregnant... it would just feel wrong. I probably won't date again for a long time after either. But for the women who want to date... I don't think of it as wrong... the father does it (my ex has a new girlfriend... i'm 26 weeks pregnant).. so why shouldn't the mother? There are plenty of men out there who find pregnant women attractive... I know one man who married a pregnant woman (kid wasn't his) it was obviously a quick engagement but this guy was ready to be a father... so good for them


Claudia - April 17th, 2005 1:21 PM

He has me confused. Now he is calling me and telling me that he is just scared. I personally think he is just spoiled. His family has always given him everything he needs and he is scared now cause for the first time in his life he has a responsibility, that daddy won't get him out off or at least shouldn't. So I don't know.


Aisha - April 23rd, 2005 9:04 PM

Claudia...stop clutching at straws. The babys daddy is a punk whos playing games because he knows that you want him. No matter how much you act like you dont need him...you know that you want him. He knows that so he plays you off. You can want him but dont let him pull those strings because you are going to have a child and we as women spend too much time beating ourself up over these men that fall into the stereotypes way too easily.I love my childs father but Ima love my child more and that being the case I had to put my emotions in my back pocket. I told him that regardless if he was told he was sterile....evidently one sperm found a way to make it to my egg and we have a child on the way and I told him what i wanted financially and emotionally. Its hard being alone but dont let him off the hook so easily by playing into his games. April..I walk down the street and men stop me and ask me out on dates. I have men that have stated that when I have this baby they will be ready to give me "loving". I dont need that now or after. Im not with the father but if i was then it would be him and only him and i respect my baby enough not to have another man up in me.Peace


April - April 23rd, 2005 11:46 PM

I agree with you there... I'm not going to date for a long loooooooooong time. I don't want to bring guys in and out of my daughter's life, and I will be perfectly happy with just me and her. (not to mention busy!) I've always been one of those girls who was just as happy single as when she was with someone.. so I think that's a good thing. I just really really don't want to get involved with anybody. I get asked out still too (which is kinda weird being that I have a giant stomach) but I am just sooooo not ready to date. I'm in a bit of a dilemma because I don't want a broken home, but I don't want to take the father back either after what he did to me. I just don't know what he could possibly ever do to make it up to me, (should he decide to come back) but part of me feels like I should try for our daughter. (although if he goes in the pattern he's been going in.. he'd just break up with me again in 6 months anyway... which would not be good for our daughter)... so i dunno... everything's gotta be all complicated... it sucks


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