Pregnant By A Man Who I Didnt Know Was Married

3 Replies
JD - September 17

I am a single mother who has been very selective on who I date. I was 19 when I had my daughter and learned quite quickly that her father and I were not compatible. Since then I have been on very few dates and met potential suitors but couldn't date them because of time constraints. I had to regroup and go to school, take care of things at homw and work. I am now 25 and I have been together with a man whom I met when I was working at a company in Texas. For the first six months we were friends and just talked for hours on end. After I left the company (which is now a six hour drive away from where I used to work) we decided to start dating. Seeing as working and dating in the office is taboo, it was somewhat of a relief after I left. Not only was my career going somewhere but it was also opening an opportunity for us to date without being unprofessional. It has now been a year and 1 month and I find myself in a precarious situation. I am five months pregnant now. When I found out I was pregnant I was already a month and a half in. Considering I could financially be able to take care of a new edition and seeing that he and I were doing well I decided to keep the baby. I was horrified to find out that he didnt think I should have the baby and that maybe down the road he promised we would have a baby. This angered me and he said we should think about it. I guess that was a warning sign that he diodnt want the baby. I guess I wasnt being realistic because of these damn Disney movies, make you think all will be okay in the end. I thought he was the one. Several weeks passed and he said if I wanted to keep it he would be there. With this mielstone I figured we were making some progress. We saw eachother and everything was wonderful. A month and a half later a girl I used to work at the company in Texas with showed up for her first day of orientation through our department. waved h__lo and she noticed my baby bulge. She asked me all sorts of questions and she said who is the lucky guy. I told her it was "his" baby. I looked at her face and she had asked to speak to me on the side. I found out at work that he was married and had three girls one being a step daughter and two being his. I was mortified and wanted to die inside. I asked to take my lunch early and was reluctant that my boss agreed. I called him and asked if we could see eachother that weekend. Amidst all the commotion I had a job offer pending in California that would be open if I wanted it. I saw him that weekend and we had talked and I had hoped he would come clean. He broke down as he was trying to tell me that he was still married but was unhappily married and the only reason why he was staying aorund was because of the kids. I wanted to die but decided to stay strong. I told him we shouldnt see eachother anymore. I would never deny him to see the baby but we were through. A few hours later he came back to my hotel room as I was gathering my things to get an early flight to go back to the other side of Texas. He asked me if we could work throught this if he were to leave his wife. I wanted to believe him so much I thought about how much we cared for one another but also about the lies that have made the past year of my life somewhat of a lie. I wanted to so much for us to work out considering all I ever wanted was to have a family. I knew what it was like being alone and pregnant before and I couldnt do it again. I was now financially ready and my daughter is doing great at one of the best private schools there are. We are living comfrtably now as oppsed to when she was younger and I hope she never remembers what it was like to have to live off the system while I was working and going to school. I was actually a success story. I made it, from a young teen who had a baby way too young and now had a degree and was making a lot more money, but was again pregnant by a man she thought she knew but obviously didnt. I am somewhat of a glutton for punishment because I took him back. Believing he would file for divorce. I still took the job in California. I was going to make a lot more money working for a company outside of Texas. He still is not divorced but a few weeks ago I got a phone call and whomever it was hung up. I knew it had to be her because the way she was breathing and the way she hung up abruptly. Call it uncanny intuition but it was her indeed. She had found my number in his cell phone. We constantly text messaged one another and he got caught. They talked the next day after I wrote him an email wondering if i sounded paranoid. I figured i would give him the heads up so that he would know that the way he wanted to end things were going to be ruined if it was her on the phone. he wanted things to end amicably. I believed him. He said they were already in the works that paperwork would soon follow. I am now five months pregnant and still nothing but soon after that phone call I changed my number I was thinking about moving back to Texas as yet another great position opened up for me at an affiliate company. Yesterday she called again. I hung up and today when I spoke to him he sounded distant. I just now worte him a letter ending things. i know in the ling run it will work out, meaning my kids will always be loved and taken care of because after my first time around I changed a lot in my life and found my daughter is what keeps me motivated to do what I need to do to provide the life I had always wanted to. Now with my son on the way I know I will do the same by him. I just hope I have enough strength to stay strong and not let this man ruin my spirit the way he has. I still love him which makes things even more unfathomable because I consider myself a very well educated woman. Someone please remind me to keep strong because sometimes it gets very hard and very lonely. Writing this has been therapeutic. I thought I was the only one with bad luck being single and pregnant.

 

Tray - September 19

Hi JD, you have to stay strong and know that everything will work out in the end. Remember God has a plan. It does get very depressing thinking about having to be a single mother and starting from scratch just to be a single mother all over again. I've been there and am there seven years later at your very age. Just remember the things that stressed you before you've been through them and it can't hurt nearly as much because you've already travelled that road. Also you are in a better circ_mstance so things won't seem nearly as hard as they were. Take care and good luck.

 

Atarah - October 3

Hello. Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm married now-4 years. Pregnant with our second, had our first in March of this year. I say that to say. We have to as women get men that we need. Meaning what you want might make you cry and what you need might pa__s you by. Sounds like a stuipid statement but think about it. When I was in High School I went for a guy who had a girlfriend who was pregnant at the time. I found out later also. I'll never forget him because to this day I wish him the best but I can't stand him as a person because of his deception. He had no intentions of being with me from the beginning and I couldn't see that then. He would say things like, "only if she wasn't pregnant" or "if I'd only met you sooner". Take this as a learning lesson and look for the signs. We as women never follow the signs. THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE but we tend to ignore them. Please don't ignore them for next time. I say this with love because when you wrote that I could feel your pain and you made me remember the guy in High School who I ALLOWED to use me, because that is exactly what happened. He wanted his Cake and his Ice cream too and I gave it too him freely. Please make it harder for these men and please know that what you have can be gotten anywhere for free but your not going to be the one to give it up for free (I'm not saying have them pay either) I'm just saying we need to make it harder for these men so that that they will know we can't be used and are worth it. I know you said you took your time to get to know him but get to know his family, friends, people he works with etc. Then you'll get a better idea for yourself of who you are actually dealing with. Not just by talking with him on the phone or going out to dinner. Do your own investigation before you give it up. Thank you for sharing and you brought back a lot of memories for me with that guy in High School. Atarah

 

those little white lies.. - October 3

Sorry to hear your ur news. well what will be will be honey.... only time will tell, good luck and hopefully he will step up, if not theres lots of other good guys out there that would love to raise a baby..........................believe in yourself. your smart and beautiful , you did it before and can do it again.. good luck... as for the wide that calls block her # . so she doesnt harra__s you anymore.. hugs J

 

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