Pregnant By A Married Man

632 Replies
me too - July 17

my question is for the post from "understanding"...you say your baby is 6 mos old and the best thing that ever happened to you...do you have any other children?? That is what I am beginning to fear so much, I have other children and cannot imagine how I am going to approach this with them. They will want to know why the baby has a different last name, I don't even know what the baby's last name will be. I haven't yet told the father, and I don't know if I want him to know at this point.

 

understanding - July 17

hey, "me too", yes i have two other children they are 8 and 6, my 8 yr old has questioned the last name but she also knows that he has a different dadddy and that is why. I was also very worrried about what I wa going to tell them but in the end when they get older I am just going to tell the truth and let them know that we all make mistakes. When I say the best thing that ever happened, I mean b/c I was going to abort and I am so glad I didn't he has gave me and my children new joy and no matter what the circ_mstances, he is a part of me. It is going to be hard explaining things when they get older but when they make mistakes they will be met by me with a lot of understanding b/c I have made them too.

 

me too - July 17

Dear understanding, your story or at least your perspective sounds so much like what I am feeling in my heart!! My daughters are 5 & 8, so to hear you found peace while still having other children helps me so much!! Of course the one person who I broke down and told yesterday asked what my plans were, terminating just does not work for me. I know deep in my soul, as hard as having this baby may be it would be worse personally to deal with the guilt. I don't condemn those who do please don't get me wrong....I just know that there is no reason for a woman like me to terminate. Children are my pa__sion and always have been. I have more questions for you "understanding" and I hope you don't mind sharing, please tell me if you don't!! But are you still seeing the father? Does your 8 year old see him? My 8 year old is the one I worry about the most, she is her Daddy's angel and she will be dying to know why her Dad is not the father. Maybe I am being to over-protective as the world is full of special circ_mstances I don't know. But any wisdom and words you are willing to share I greatly welcome!! Thank you so much!!

 

Understanding - July 17

Dear "me too", Don't get me wrong, having the baby was one of the hardest things I have done b/c of the situation and then I also had to deal with the lectures/anger/ and other problems from my first two childrens father even though we have not been together for over 4 yrs. The adjust from having older kids to a baby was hard and then since he the father is married I cam home from the hospital basically alone. Taking care of three is a lot harder then two b/c the are two different generations of children, the older has different needs then the baby, but as you see i made it through and every day it gets easier. My eight yr old, a girl does see the baby';s father come around and she also is a daddy's girl, but since she sees that her father still comes over and the baby's father she knows that she is loved and having different fathers does not mean that she will be treated any differently. The baby's father comes over everyday, but we have so many problems it is unreal, he has the "nerve" to tell me he does not want his "son" around other men and now that his wife knows, there is so much. y daughter always talks about the last name being different but she says," even though we have different last names we have the same momma". You can never be too over-protective b/c at first i was ashamed and did not want to explain that I was having a baby and n ot married, but children know a lot more then we think they do, If you have the baby and the father truly want sto be apart of his/her life, then you need to consider that even though you are worried about him being around the other children this child has a right as well to know its father. Children don't ask to be here, and unless you don't think he is trustworthy enough to be around your children then I would understand. I would like to talk to you outside of this posting b/c we could probably help each other..I will write back later

 

me too - July 17

Dearest Understanding, I am glad you would like to continue contact outside of here,I too think it will help us. The father (I only just found out, and am only 6 weeks) still does not know, and he is out of town. I struggle daily with this situatuion, but today hearing his voice just hit me. There is so much more to my story, and there is so much shame. Again I am not proud, but here I am so I must deal!! My children know him, and so I do not fear him around them. Just a very akward situation all the way around. Again I am not sure how/when/if I will share this information til it is obvious I am pregnant. I guess I should stop and save more for later, look forward to chatting more. And Thank you for your support, I think that once I get a better grasp on things I will be a better support for you as well. Not just me inquiring ;-)

 

understanding - July 17

I am happy to talk with you, I know that i can be more of a help to you now b/c I have already been through what u are going through. Don't worry about me b/c all I need is someone to vent to every once in a while b/c I am still seeing the father and can't seem to get out of the situation. Don't be ashamed b/c things happen just understand that Jesus died for our sins and no one is perfect, NO ONE.. if u really want this baby then u need to concentrate right now on not stressing b/c stress can lead to a miscarriage..I am trying to figure out a way to get u my own personal email address so people who do not need it will not get it..thisis funny to me b/c i usually never respond to these and now i am writing several times a day...talk to u sooon

 

me too - July 17

understanding , do you use any messengers? we can each sign on and then exchange addresses there?? i had absolutely no intention of posting anything on here just found this by accident and something about your post just hit home for me. i look forward to reading your posts too..talk soon jen

 

understanding - July 17

Hey "me too", I set up a an email account so that u can email me and after i get ur message I will give u my personal one, so email me at [email protected] and i will contact u back..bye

 

Hebrews 13: v 4 - July 20

Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the s_xually immoral

 

Curious about hebrews 13 - July 22

I have a question for the Christian: There are sins that are committed because of life circ_mstances. such as, some people steal because their children are starving. Is that forgivable by God? In the case of Marriage being honored by all, what if a totally nieve and gullable woman were tricked into adultry with a married man. Is that exempt from God's judgement? What if I woman were molested as a child by her own father or uncle, wouldn't that distort her perception of marriage and wouldn't that be forgivable by God? I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons for doing things that are understandable and forgivable. I think there is a reason why the bible says those who are without sin can cast the first stone. I don't know why christians are always the ones who judge and crucify everyone. Why is that?

 

sarah - July 22

I think like it says God will judge, we are no one to judge. We don't know circ_mstances, but marriage should be a sacred thing especially for those who "know" what they are doing is wrong. No one is free from sin, but try to live your life as decent as possible, God will judge at the end not men...there are far worse things than adltery but a sin is a sin. God is love and forgiving so look for him for strenght.

 

understanding - July 24

To the Hebrew 13 v. 4...this is a posting for support not judging so i suggest u find an alternate place to read...oh and let me guess..u probably never made a mistake and u were probably a "real" virgin when u married, never cursed, never lied, etc...so if u have not did one thing in ur life that is considered a sin then you must be JESUS all over again...get a life and stop judging people.a as far as "sarah" said that is true we should all try to live life as decent as possible and even then we are all going to make mistakes..

 

boogie - July 25

well i hsve something to say, i'm in the same boat i'm thw wife and my husband had an affair and now the b___h is pregnant,yes i totally blame my husband he the one married but also the the mistress new he was married and got pregnant, i felt like she should of got an abortion because the child shouldn't be here and i have no pitty for no one her,baby but i love my husband and she'll never have him so she's having the baby out of spite but that's on her she have to live with that i'm sorry but your wrong DEAD WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

me too - July 25

hey boogie...no woman would have a baby out of spite! A child is not a tool, and your husband took the chance just as she did. Her life is not going to be easy, it sounds like you are going to punish this poor child for your husbands poor judgement. That is not fair to the child, children do not choose their life or family situations. They are innocent and should never be punished for what two consenting grown people have done. I can understand your resentment and anger, but just as the woman took the chance so did your husband but the baby did not. So I hope for the childs sake you are able to properly place your anger and hate elsewhere!! This site is for women what want to talk, not for condemning and judging. Telling you are upset and hurt is okay, but I do not think you are right to come on here and judge without knowing any of the situations. And I am sorry, but I just can't feel or pity a woman who can actually be so bitter towards a child. I know you do not realize what you are doing, but blaming your husband and his mistress is the only place the disgust and shock you are feeling..not the innocent life they have created. And if you make this Hell for her, I am sure she will survive but your husband will be responsible for financial help. And if you are lucky you won't lose your husband out of such hate.

 

... - July 25

To Me Too: You have got to be crazy or REALLY naive if you think a woman would not get pregnant or have a baby out of spite because they will. I'm not saying that this woman did that but I know of women who have done it. Or they got pregnant to trap a man. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Yes dear, there are some women who are manipulative and will try and get pregnant out of spite or to keep a man...

 

reply to woman of spite - July 25

If you are sure women do this , such as having baby out of spite you must also realize that her life is not going to be easy. Having a child is never simple, and no matter what the man is also responsible. If he took the chance of her getting pregnant he also knew what he was doing. My main concern is always the child, nothing is ever their fault. And I just hope that all around the child remember that and love the child as itself not just a product of a disliked situation. I am not here to argue a point please understand, just trying to perhaps stick up for the unborn child. Opinions can be helpful, but condemning just is not fair.

 

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