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eponine - September 1st, 2006 4:02 PM

I'm 32 and have just discovered I'm pregnant. The father is a work colleague and I conceived because of a drunken one night stand after a work party. He's a nice guy and we are still friends but he doesn't want any more than that. I simply don't know how to tell him. He might be angry because I wasn't on any birth control. Eventually he is going to notice when I start showing. Is anyone else in similar predicament?


MelissaP - September 1st, 2006 4:27 PM

Well...as long as you didn't tell him you were on birth control at the time, I don't see any reason why he should be angry. He should know the responsibilities that come with having s_x....but the point is, is that you two were drunk and were having fun after a party and things got a little crazy. Things happen.Call him and tell him you want to meet up with him to talk. Good Luck, take care and I really hope he doesn't act like an a__s towards you!


eponine - September 2nd, 2006 1:02 PM

I think I'm nervous because I don't know how he will react at all. It's going to be really awkward if he takes it badly because I have to see him every day at work. I'm not going to tell him at all until its absolutely necessary.


MelissaP - September 2nd, 2006 1:21 PM

Well, if I were you I would tell him as soon as you can. He is going to need time to absorb the news and think about things.Maybe you could approach him like "Remeber the last time we had s_x.?......well, i'm pregnant. I thought I should tell you because 1) You are the father and 2)I want to give you time to absorb the news and think things through" Then go on to tell him what you need or (don't need) from him and explain your plans. I would leave it at that, give him a number to best reach you and tell him to call after he has thought things through. Then it will be up to him to contact you.If he doesn't want to be involved... he'll still need to pay child support to help you raise the baby. Good luck and let me know how everything goes.


tyler0323 - September 3rd, 2006 4:06 PM

i think the sooner the better in this situation. If you wait to long, then he is going to pull the how do i know its mine. he may pull it anyways as it was a one night stand, but i still say sooner is better. I was in this situation along time ago, but ended in a miscarriage. I always say, everything happens for a reason. good luck


eponine - September 4th, 2006 9:57 AM

Thanks for the advice. He's on holiday for the next week but I'll try to tell him when he gets back. It was bad enough telling my parents.


marigallion - September 11th, 2006 6:41 PM

Hey, Eponine! Have to say I have tons of advice for you, but too much to put all here. Go to my web site, www.singlepregnancy.com. It is a site for women who have deicded to continue with unplanned pregnancies to become single parents, and has a focus on the mother's happiness, legal issues, nutrition issues, and self-help. As far as telling him is concerned, I wrote my son's father a letter telling him that he didn't have to be involved, but that I wanted a medical history from him. Guess what? the medical history never came. Eight years later, I'm still finding out about a heart attack here, diabetes there, gallstones over there... They can really be turds about this whole pregnancy thing. Whatever happens, realize that if it hurts, you are in good company. Don't feel guilty about not being on birth control. It's your right not to be on birth control, and what silly man doesn't understand that pregnancy is a natural consequence of s_xual activity that sometimes can't be prevented no matter what you use? MY son was a condom baby (with only one possibility for a father, so I knew, despite the condom, that the father was who he was), so you can imagine what kind of c___p I got for the next nine months after that! (i.e. "that baby's not mine-- she's lying," etc.) Whatever you go through, you WILL be okay, I just know it--MG


bev - October 10th, 2006 8:26 PM

I'm in a very simular situation- one night-one time & he says that he doesn't want anything to do with me. There is so much more though but I've been so hurt that is is hard to bear my pain and soul so publicly. I want the pain of his dismissal to end but it seems to want to live forever. I hate my pain. If you would like to talk please e-mail me. I'm 39 in the process of a divorce and living on my own for the very first time in my life. Good luck and be well.


Victoria21 - October 23rd, 2006 7:10 PM

How can we deal with this? All I do is cry. I am 7 mths along and he is somewhat around, wants to be part of the babys life, but sometimes I think it is just to make me miserable. We aren't together he just makes me feel awful. Wants to be friends, but then makes no effort to talk to me. Anytime he actually is around, he makes me cry. And now he has been hanging out with some other girl and her 2 year old. How can he be watching her kid when he doesnt even try to be my friend? I can't stop crying...


marigallion - October 24th, 2006 7:32 PM

Hi, ladies! I have to say that sometimes it's best just to rip a man out of your life like you're ripping the wax off your bikini line. Stings like hell for a second, and then you have nice, smooth skin underneath. In my opinion, this is better than being dragged over the gravel-- those sc___pes don't heal for a long time. If your BFs are waffling, treat 'em like the dirty lost dogs they are, and tell 'em to GIT! And kick at 'em when you say that. It's so selfish for them to keep you on their emotional roller-coasters when you have to focus on your nutrition, your mental health, and everything else. AND it's nobody's business to be mad at anyone for not being on birth control!! Birth control actually carries a lot of medical risks that really aren't worth it if you don't have a regular partner. Whoever said it was your responsibility to be on birth control at all times? If any man blames you for getting pregnant, ask him why he didn't have a condom. Then tell everyone in town that he tried to "trap" you into a marriage because he knew you wouldn't have an abortion. Pull the same s**t on them that they pull on us! That'll teach 'em. AND Bev and Victoria, get my book: The Single Woman's Guide to HAPPY Pregnancy. (and I stress HAPPY) Available on Amazon. No more tears-- you ladies should be having the time of your lives!!!!! You should be excited for the baby and for your independence, your health, and the fact that you are not married to these bozos, and that ultimate true love awaits you in your FUTURE! -www.singlepregnancy.com


Victoria21 - October 25th, 2006 1:16 PM

You are right. I have to get him out of my life like pulling off a bandaid. I have given him too many chances and all he does is complain about being stressed when I am 3000 miles away from my friends and family. He blamed me for not being on birth control too. It's just ahrd being alone when I need someone the most :( And Mari, you are right, a better man is in the future!!


tyler0323 - October 25th, 2006 4:33 PM

yes you do need to pull yourself away emotionaly from him, but remember as much as you dont like him, the baby deserves to have his father in his life, you just need to clear your heart and mind of this guy, so your baby can have a healthy relationship with his other parent without you feeling so bad. There is someone for you just wait for it, dont look for it


confusedchick - October 31st, 2006 8:50 AM

I think i may end up in the same predicament..........had an extremely drunken one night stand at the weekend and am worried now about possible pregnancy! Boy I hope I am wrong though. How long before you discovered?


Heather27 - November 17th, 2006 6:11 PM

kinda ...I already told my guy...he tried to tell me to abort but I ain't going to. We have been dating like 2 months and I think I got preg. the first time we had s_x!!! So i feel your pain girl..and im 27 with 2 boys already from my exhusband...i don't know how to tell them!


ajh - February 14th, 2008 2:19 AM

I don't understand what is so wrong with abortion. Everyone here is talking about fornicating, so what is the big moral holdup when it comes up abortion?

Melissa says: Well...as long as you didn't tell him you were on birth control at the time, I don't see any reason why he should be angry. He should know the responsibilities that come with having s_x.

Reality: Women know the responsibilities, too. It's amazing how women love to say it's about a man's responsibilities when they want a baby. Maybe you shouldn't be involved with irresponsible people and you won't have this problem. Of course, if you got pregnant by a guy who wanted the baby and you didn't, you would no longer be concerned about YOUR responsibilities, would you?

Melissa says: should tell you because 1) You are the father

Reality: How do you know he is the father?

Marigallion says: Go to my web site. It is a site for women who have deicded to continue with unplanned pregnancies to become single parents, and has a focus on the mother's happiness,

Reality: Kids need two parents. You are a selfish individual because you focus on a mother's happiness above a child. I have taken steps to ensure I can not impregnate someone because I realize my career will always be my primary concern and it would not be fair to a child, as much as I may enjoy having one.

Marigallion says: As far as telling him is concerned, I wrote my son's father a letter telling him that he didn't have to be involved, but that I wanted a medical history from him. Guess what? the medical history never came.

Reality: That's because you chose to procreate with a deadbeat. He wanted to have s_x with you, nothing more. Next time choose responsible people and you'll get a different result.

Marigallion says: They can really be turds about this whole pregnancy thing.

Reality: That's your opinion because they don't do what you want them to do. They never wanted to be fathers in the first place, but you decided to try to force the issue. How would you react if you just wanted someone for their body and they tried to force obligations and a relationship on you? I'm not saying I defend the actions of every guy who prowls for one woman after another to bed and move on, but if you have this great "sixth sense" I always hear women have about people, shouldn't you know the guy is a loser before you sleep with him? If you don't, it's because you slept with him too soon. Imagine, a guy telling women not to have s_x so quickly. By the way, alcohol is just an excuse - you still know what you're doing. I drink occa__sionally, but I still know if I'm having s_x. Don't blame the booze; take responsibility for having a one night stand.

Bev says: one night-one time & he says that he doesn't want anything to do with me

Reality: Why would he necessarily want anything to do with you? You were easy access for a night. If you want to be a "good girl", don't have one night stands and you'll get more respect and more guys who actually care about you. The jerks who are good in bed won't want you, but that's up to you whether you want them or not. I have a feeling you just enjoy complaining about jerks rather than doing something about it, i.e. making guys wait. This will get rid of the a-holes and leave those who actually care.

Bev says: I'm 39 in the process of a divorce and living on my own for the very first time in my life.

Reality: Bev, you really need help. Not to be obnoxious, but this is a problem. You are afraid to be alone, and that is not healthy. Why? Because it means you hate yourself. You have low self-esteem and can't bear to not be with somebody, even if that somebody is not good for you.

Marigallion says: If your BFs are waffling, treat 'em like the dirty lost dogs they are, and tell 'em to GIT!

Reality: You chose the "dogs". I personally had a vasectomy, use a condom everytime, and discuss what would happen if she got pregnant with each girl I'm involved with. I am upfront and say I don't want kids - not because I don't like kids, but because I have a very successful career and am always building it up. I travel more and more often for work and I am not going to let up on my career. It would be selfish for me to have a child, so I take every measure to prevent it. I don't lie about my intentions. If you're with someone who does, you need to examine yourself and what's wrong with you. If you're having a sweaty one-night stand, the guy doesn't know anything about you - how could he possibly know or love you after an hour in a bar? And by the way, this notion that any man who doesn't want to be a parent is getting old. I don't want kids, yet women I date have a good time, we like each other, and I don't really favor one-nighters. If a woman came to me, after I have been good to her, and told me she was having my child after I told her I didn't want one, I will most definitely waffle (of course, with a vasectomy, condoms, and possibly her on BC, the odds are slim to none). Am I such a monster because of this?

Marigallion says: And kick at 'em when you say that.

Reality: That's a__sault, and it's a crime. I guess you're advocating women commit crimes? I would have hit anyone, but you seem to think it's OK.

Marigallion says: Birth control actually carries a lot of medical risks that really aren't worth it if you don't have a regular partner. Whoever said it was your responsibility to be on birth control at all times? If any man blames you for getting pregnant, ask him why he didn't have a condom. Then tell everyone in town that he tried to "trap" you into a marriage because he knew you wouldn't have an abortion. Pull the same s**t on them that they pull on us! That'll teach 'em.

Reality: There are a dozen forms of birth control; pick one if you want to be "responsible". We hear about irresponsible guys, but not irresponsible women. If you're not on BC, it's because you wouldn't mind getting pregnant. I use condoms everytime even with a vasectomy, so you can't pin anything on me, and if your guy doesn't wear a condom, you should refuse to have s_x with him until he does. Unless he rapes you, there is no excuse. By the way, many of us don't want to be married to you, it is you who want to use the pregnancy to cajole us into marriage. I had a colleague who told his girlfriend he would marry her if she had an abortion (after she said she wouldn't) and she had the abortion. What does that say? By the way, dear, it doesn't "teach" us anything... my colleague is still a playboy dating new women, and his old flame is stuck at home with a baby tying her down. As to the best days being ahead, I disagree. I wouldn't date someone with a child. Most people with the high income I have wouldn't. Why would I want to raise some jerk's kid when I'm too responsible that I won't have one of my own?

Victoria: I have given him too many chances and all he does is complain about being stressed when I am 3000 miles away from my friends and family. He blamed me for not being on birth control too. It's just ahrd being alone when I need someone the most.

Reality: I'm far away from my family and friends, too. We all get on with life. If you've given him too many chances, that's on you, not him.

Tyler says: yes you do need to pull yourself away emotionaly from him, but remember as much as you dont like him, the baby deserves to have his father in his life, you just need to clear your heart and mind of this guy, so your baby can have a healthy relationship with his other parent without you feeling so bad.

Reality: Finally some unselfish enough to put the needs of the kid first. It seems the rest of you are just hellbent on having "a baby!" regardless what loser is that kid's father or the fact that one government study after another shows that kids raised by single mothers are far more likely to be criminals, be high school drop-outs, etc.

Confusedchick says: I think i may end up in the same predicament..........had an extremely drunken one night stand at the weekend and am worried now about possible pregnancy! Boy I hope I am wrong though

Reality: So have an abortion. Don't tell us you're against abortion, because you're not against having a one night stand. Morality (or religion) is supposed to be applied evenly, not just when you feel like it to suit your own needs.

Confusedchick says: How long before you discovered?

Reality: If you don't know the process that happens around pregnancy, you're not mature enough to care for a child.

Heather: he tried to tell me to abort but I ain't going to. We have been dating like 2 months and I think I got preg. the first time we had s_x!!!

Reality: Again, you are morally opposed to abortion (because you want a baby to fulfill yourself) but not to having s_x with guys you met a month ago. If you cared about your boyfriend (or whatever he is), wouldn't you want to take his opinion into consideration? Didn't you talk about possible pregnancy before this happened? Nope, because you're 27, you want another kid, and you'll do it whether anyone else likes it or not. If you didn't want another kid, you would abort or give it up for adoption.

Heather: So i feel your pain girl..and im 27 with 2 boys already from my exhusband...i don't know how to tell them!

Reality: Tell them mommy likes to sleep around. Didn't your parents tell you when you were little that if you didn't want to have to explain something embara__sing, don't put yourself in a potentially embara__sing situation? Maybe you were raised by a single mother who was too busy working and dating random guys to teach you right from wrong? I hope your children turn out better.

I'm glad I don't run into women like this who have s_x with guys they don't know or that won't commit to them, and then complain about it. My sister was impregnated at 17 by a convicted felon who became homeless during her pregnancy. I had told all of my sisters if they ever had a problem like this to call me and I would help, even pay for an abortion if they wanted. I care about them and this particular sister is now leading a very sad life. My mother seems to enable this type of behavior and tried to suggest adoption, but no. My sister is keeping the child. How selfish that a homeless couple - yes, homeless - is keeping a child. How is that good for the kid? It's not, but my sister is very fragile and needs something to love her, even if she has to create a child that doesn't deserve such an environment just to fulfill herself.


Teddyfinch - February 14th, 2008 8:29 PM

my god man. get a life. no need to hit me with a novel here.


bellybubble - February 14th, 2008 9:33 PM

Ummmm ajh - I couldnt even be a__sed reading your novel - just skimmed it - and glad I didnt waste more then a minute of my life on those sorry posts!


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