I don't understand what is so wrong with abortion. Everyone here is talking about fornicating, so what is the big moral holdup when it comes up abortion?
Melissa says: Well...as long as you didn't tell him you were on birth control at the time, I don't see any reason why he should be angry. He should know the responsibilities that come with having sex.
Reality: Women know the responsibilities, too. It's amazing how women love to say it's about a man's responsibilities when they want a baby. Maybe you shouldn't be involved with irresponsible people and you won't have this problem. Of course, if you got pregnant by a guy who wanted the baby and you didn't, you would no longer be concerned about YOUR responsibilities, would you?
Melissa says: should tell you because 1) You are the father
Reality: How do you know he is the father?
Marigallion says: Go to my web site. It is a site for women who have deicded to continue with unplanned pregnancies to become single parents, and has a focus on the mother's happiness,
Reality: Kids need two parents. You are a selfish individual because you focus on a mother's happiness above a child. I have taken steps to ensure I can not impregnate someone because I realize my career will always be my primary concern and it would not be fair to a child, as much as I may enjoy having one.
Marigallion says: As far as telling him is concerned, I wrote my son's father a letter telling him that he didn't have to be involved, but that I wanted a medical history from him. Guess what? the medical history never came.
Reality: That's because you chose to procreate with a deadbeat. He wanted to have sex with you, nothing more. Next time choose responsible people and you'll get a different result.
Marigallion says: They can really be turds about this whole pregnancy thing.
Reality: That's your opinion because they don't do what you want them to do. They never wanted to be fathers in the first place, but you decided to try to force the issue. How would you react if you just wanted someone for their body and they tried to force obligations and a relationship on you? I'm not saying I defend the actions of every guy who prowls for one woman after another to bed and move on, but if you have this great "sixth sense" I always hear women have about people, shouldn't you know the guy is a loser before you sleep with him? If you don't, it's because you slept with him too soon. Imagine, a guy telling women not to have sex so quickly. By the way, alcohol is just an excuse - you still know what you're doing. I drink occassionally, but I still know if I'm having sex. Don't blame the booze; take responsibility for having a one night stand.
Bev says: one night-one time & he says that he doesn't want anything to do with me
Reality: Why would he necessarily want anything to do with you? You were easy access for a night. If you want to be a "good girl", don't have one night stands and you'll get more respect and more guys who actually care about you. The jerks who are good in bed won't want you, but that's up to you whether you want them or not. I have a feeling you just enjoy complaining about jerks rather than doing something about it, i.e. making guys wait. This will get rid of the a-holes and leave those who actually care.
Bev says: I'm 39 in the process of a divorce and living on my own for the very first time in my life.
Reality: Bev, you really need help. Not to be obnoxious, but this is a problem. You are afraid to be alone, and that is not healthy. Why? Because it means you hate yourself. You have low self-esteem and can't bear to not be with somebody, even if that somebody is not good for you.
Marigallion says: If your BFs are waffling, treat 'em like the dirty lost dogs they are, and tell 'em to GIT!
Reality: You chose the "dogs". I personally had a vasectomy, use a condom everytime, and discuss what would happen if she got pregnant with each girl I'm involved with. I am upfront and say I don't want kids - not because I don't like kids, but because I have a very successful career and am always building it up. I travel more and more often for work and I am not going to let up on my career. It would be selfish for me to have a child, so I take every measure to prevent it. I don't lie about my intentions. If you're with someone who does, you need to examine yourself and what's wrong with you. If you're having a sweaty one-night stand, the guy doesn't know anything about you - how could he possibly know or love you after an hour in a bar? And by the way, this notion that any man who doesn't want to be a parent is getting old. I don't want kids, yet women I date have a good time, we like each other, and I don't really favor one-nighters. If a woman came to me, after I have been good to her, and told me she was having my child after I told her I didn't want one, I will most definitely waffle (of course, with a vasectomy, condoms, and possibly her on BC, the odds are slim to none). Am I such a monster because of this?
Marigallion says: And kick at 'em when you say that.
Reality: That's assault, and it's a crime. I guess you're advocating women commit crimes? I would have hit anyone, but you seem to think it's OK.
Marigallion says: Birth control actually carries a lot of medical risks that really aren't worth it if you don't have a regular partner. Whoever said it was your responsibility to be on birth control at all times? If any man blames you for getting pregnant, ask him why he didn't have a condom. Then tell everyone in town that he tried to "trap" you into a marriage because he knew you wouldn't have an abortion. Pull the same s**t on them that they pull on us! That'll teach 'em.
Reality: There are a dozen forms of birth control; pick one if you want to be "responsible". We hear about irresponsible guys, but not irresponsible women. If you're not on BC, it's because you wouldn't mind getting pregnant. I use condoms everytime even with a vasectomy, so you can't pin anything on me, and if your guy doesn't wear a condom, you should refuse to have sex with him until he does. Unless he rapes you, there is no excuse. By the way, many of us don't want to be married to you, it is you who want to use the pregnancy to cajole us into marriage. I had a colleague who told his girlfriend he would marry her if she had an abortion (after she said she wouldn't) and she had the abortion. What does that say? By the way, dear, it doesn't "teach" us anything... my colleague is still a playboy dating new women, and his old flame is stuck at home with a baby tying her down. As to the best days being ahead, I disagree. I wouldn't date someone with a child. Most people with the high income I have wouldn't. Why would I want to raise some jerk's kid when I'm too responsible that I won't have one of my own?
Victoria: I have given him too many chances and all he does is complain about being stressed when I am 3000 miles away from my friends and family. He blamed me for not being on birth control too. It's just ahrd being alone when I need someone the most.
Reality: I'm far away from my family and friends, too. We all get on with life. If you've given him too many chances, that's on you, not him.
Tyler says: yes you do need to pull yourself away emotionaly from him, but remember as much as you dont like him, the baby deserves to have his father in his life, you just need to clear your heart and mind of this guy, so your baby can have a healthy relationship with his other parent without you feeling so bad.
Reality: Finally some unselfish enough to put the needs of the kid first. It seems the rest of you are just hellbent on having "a baby!" regardless what loser is that kid's father or the fact that one government study after another shows that kids raised by single mothers are far more likely to be criminals, be high school drop-outs, etc.
Confusedchick says: I think i may end up in the same predicament..........had an extremely drunken one night stand at the weekend and am worried now about possible pregnancy! Boy I hope I am wrong though
Reality: So have an abortion. Don't tell us you're against abortion, because you're not against having a one night stand. Morality (or religion) is supposed to be applied evenly, not just when you feel like it to suit your own needs.
Confusedchick says: How long before you discovered?
Reality: If you don't know the process that happens around pregnancy, you're not mature enough to care for a child.
Heather: he tried to tell me to abort but I ain't going to. We have been dating like 2 months and I think I got preg. the first time we had sex!!!
Reality: Again, you are morally opposed to abortion (because you want a baby to fulfill yourself) but not to having sex with guys you met a month ago. If you cared about your boyfriend (or whatever he is), wouldn't you want to take his opinion into consideration? Didn't you talk about possible pregnancy before this happened? Nope, because you're 27, you want another kid, and you'll do it whether anyone else likes it or not. If you didn't want another kid, you would abort or give it up for adoption.
Heather: So i feel your pain girl..and im 27 with 2 boys already from my exhusband...i don't know how to tell them!
Reality: Tell them mommy likes to sleep around. Didn't your parents tell you when you were little that if you didn't want to have to explain something embarassing, don't put yourself in a potentially embarassing situation? Maybe you were raised by a single mother who was too busy working and dating random guys to teach you right from wrong? I hope your children turn out better.
I'm glad I don't run into women like this who have sex with guys they don't know or that won't commit to them, and then complain about it. My sister was impregnated at 17 by a convicted felon who became homeless during her pregnancy. I had told all of my sisters if they ever had a problem like this to call me and I would help, even pay for an abortion if they wanted. I care about them and this particular sister is now leading a very sad life. My mother seems to enable this type of behavior and tried to suggest adoption, but no. My sister is keeping the child. How selfish that a homeless couple - yes, homeless - is keeping a child. How is that good for the kid? It's not, but my sister is very fragile and needs something to love her, even if she has to create a child that doesn't deserve such an environment just to fulfill herself.