Pregnant Mistress Hate To Admit It

13 Replies
hating herself - December 15

for the past 10 mos, ive been lying to myself. i met a guy on campus who is a football player. we hit it off great and things were good for maybe 2 mos. that was when i found out that he has a GF. when i confronted him about it, he told me that he was not happy about his relationship and wanted to get out. he had been trying to get out of the relationship, but he was afraid of hurting her feelings. i shouldnt asked "well, dont you think cheating on her would hurt her more than just leaving?" of course, the haze of infatuation sort of clouded my moral reasoning. so 3-4 nights ofthe week on average, he'd stay over my house. sometimes, he'll even spend entire days with me. we didnt have s_x until 4-5 mos after we started dating, so i was sure it wasnt just s_x. now i wish we had never started. i am in a nightmare that i thought i was smart enough to avoid. i found out that i was pregnant 2 days ago and i only decided to test because my br___ts were hurting. 2 lines now im faced with telling him that im pregnant and i have mixed feelings and numerous questions. will you tell your gf? what if i decide to keep it? how will you be able to support me emotionally when youre graduating and moving back home to chicago while im stuck in harrisburg, pa? will you tell your gf? will you be a good father? did you care about me to begin with, or was i an easy outlet all this time? im hurt, scared, confused, ashamed, embarrassed, devastated, and extremely lonely. im not sure where to go from here. i dont even know how far i am in the pregnancy. pregnancy... just saying that word makes me uncomfortable. i hate myself............


hatinhg herself - December 15

i meant, i shouldve asked if he thought cheating on her would hurt her more than just leaving.


r - December 15

First of all, you should not be hating yourself for any reason. Yes he should have left her when he started seeing you. You are right, when she finds out he was cheating on her she will be more hurt than if he haad just left her 10 months ago. But what's more important right now is you need to deal with the present situation. Don’t hate yourself, it takes 2 people to make a baby…mistake or not. So the first thing you need to do is make a doctor’s appointment for your self and get some tests and blood work done; this will tell you how far along you are. Then you need to think of a way to break it to him. It can be face to face or by leaving hints around for him. But if it was me, I’d break it to him face to face, but gently. If he is a nice guy he will understand and support you in what ever decision you make. The only way you can get answers to the rest of your questions is by being honest with him and telling him how you feel. And just know that no matter what you decide you are not alone, and that there are many options open to you. It’s very normal to have all the emotions you described – pregnancy is not easy, and it’s definitely a life altering event…married, singel…doesn’t matter, still life altering. Do you have family/friends that you can count on for support? If you need to talk keep in touch on this site, I’m on here almost daily. Good luck and keep me posted.


strength101 - December 20

First and foremost you can not dewell over should have, would have, and if only.... The heart and mind can really work against one another. Being down on yourself is not going to help you move forward, it will hold you back. Self pity is only going to keep the anger alive. Keep going to school do not give up your dream over a man. You will need the education not only for your future, but also if you keep this baby to show your child the strength of a woman. Remember you were not born walking or running, you started off crawling and had a few falls before learning to walk. Time and determination will help you. You have to wake up and know today I am going to school to have the career I want, today I am to take care of myself, today I know my self worth, today is my day ... Yesterday was his day, today belongs to me for me! Don't allow the situation to take over rather take control. There are many people (men & women) who make choices based on the moment and later have hurt from the choice or regret. You are not alone. Please do not think I do not know or understand. I was in a 4 yr. relationship with no on again off again breaks, it was steady and he made feel so complete. We did not fight or have major issues between us, until I said I am pregnant. At 27 weeks when he realized there were not any other states to give late term abortions he completely changed. I am currently due in 2-3 weeks and he now says how do I know you were not out there with other men. He has another child from marriage and said yesterday "I have only one child and I will not be a father to another". I should have known our situation and martial status was the wrong circ_mstances from the start and a stong sign, but I was caught up in the moment. Although we both are not married and were not when i became pregnant, the fact that we are in our 30's and should be mature I thought we could handle this (I was on BC) - A baby was not in his plans and he is "out". My determination is to go back to school (college) and to raise our son to be a man of intigrity. I refuse to let him contribute to more poor choices (he wants me to consider adoption), this is not him caring for me rather this is his way of escaping responsibility for the baby and his choices. Learn from your choices and use them as your stepping stones for a better future. You will always have people who will judge you throughout life regardless. Hold your head high and know a fire can not keep burning unless you give the fire more fuel. The initial judgements will go away and in time you be respected for being strong. You have no control over the past or him, but you can change and determine what future you will have ... Strength, self a__surance, self forgiveness, time, and determination to reach the top of the mountain will help you stand proud.


Christine - December 20

Wow strength..that was touching..and I so agree...hold your head up...and stop hating yourself...we all make mistakes...its getting through them and bettering ourselves from them that counts...good luck


strength101 - December 21

Christine, Thanks for the support. I think "hating herself" needs all the support she can get. With every negative thought she has got to learn to follow it up with a positive thought. Hating Herself, if you plan to have your baby there is a judical system in place to a__sist you with support. You may already know some of the following things if not here are a few thoughts: Talk with a family law attorney you may be ent_tled to child support, medical coverage for the baby incident to birth, maternity retro pay, .... You may also want to talk with your college guidence office about child a__sistance programs to help care for the baby while attending cla__s. I do not know your income, but if you are able check to see if you qualify for WIC a gov. program to help with a few grocery items for yourself during pregnancy and formula & cereal... for the baby. Call your local Planned Parenthood and ask if they can direct you to any programs that may help you as you continue going to school, for example there are organization that give baby baskets to help you get you started... I used to do volunteer work for an organization in my area so I know the a__sistance is out there. Now is not the time to allow pride to prevent you from knowing your available resources. "knowledge is power"! If the father is supportive that is great, if not allow your anger to become knowledge and handle your business in the court room. You and your child come first. Good luck


strength101 - December 21

I know it is in the middle of the night & may think I am crazy for posting. I am only awake because I am in the last few weeks and I am not comfortable right now. Think positive, live life postive, and all things will come to you positive.


strength101 - December 21

I really truly understand everything you are saying. It is everything I heard and felt down to the "I at least thought we were friends". Please read my previous post and make him responsible, it is not revenge, but is justice for you and the baby. Try not to entertain his ignorance allow the law to break reality down to him. As for the HIV test I also understand, it was the night before that I answered his phone to have a woman hang up and I called her back... when i was in the office having the blood drawn all I could do was hold back tears of what was I thinking being so irresponsible 4 years with him an wow. Work hard not to allow him to take over your life by being angry - what comes around goes around.


strength101 - December 22

1 more thing - I am now 36 wks(LMP), 37 wks (ultrasound),the stress is a lot to carry, but my baby kicks hard and reminds me everyday he is there. He has a strong heartbeat everytime I am checked, if he (the baby) is that strong how can I not be strong. Unfortunately my situation involved many elements beyond what you stated in your postings, but I know you can be a great mother regardless of circ_mstances. My choice to have the baby was based on what I could live with between me and God. It was difficult and one of my sisters will not speak to me but I know who I answer to in my final calling (GOD, not man) and the baby will be loved.


hating herself - December 23

it just hurts so much. god it hurts. its not as if i did anything to deserve it. i dont get how i allow myself to get caught up in these lies. hindsight may be 20/20, but it makes my vision blurry from all the tears over my stupidity.


strength101 - December 23

It is hard, i can't deny that. I still cry and today is a bad day (it may be the holiday). I wish I could take away your hurt, I know that hurt all to well. As tears roll down my face I try to think in time I will understand and all things happen for a reason. We may not understand or know the reasons now but one day when we look back we will understand. Stay strong and everytime a tear falls wipe it away and remember the future ahead offers unconditional love to you from your child and from you to your child.


Liza - March 2

god, why do we all fall in love with idiot and humiliate urselves in front of them!!!The sad things is that I did it to.DID, but stoped.Pls stop too.Remember we have pride and respect for urselves.Tell him u r pregnant and see what he says.Let it go.If it meant to be, it will be and if not-there is NOTHING u can do about it!NOTHING,so just chill.Have a baby if u can and want to and dont if u dont want to.We all have a choice.Im having mine in 24 wks hopefully:-) And not relying on anyone.And of course u dont hate urself.Why should u?U had a great time and accident happen-deal with it,dont let urself down.Good luck!:-)


Jae - March 4

to hh..... hi my name is Jae & 7 yrs ago i found myself in a position very similar to yours. I just want to ask you something.... are you feeling that you want to die & hate yourself because he ran away? deep inside & thinking about just you & your baby how does that make you feel? no women really wants to bring a child into the world alone, but unfortunately its reality. i believe that if you are strong enough to make a decision that you feel satisfied with... alone, then you are a strong enough women to raise your child alone....


bbbbbbbb - March 17

frustrated girls u r verybvery very very very very very very ugly



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