SHOULD I ALLOW HIM IN THE DELIVERY ROOM OR NOT

10 Replies
TONIA - October 2

I found out that i was preg. FEB.26 and told my ex-boyfriend that we were going to have a baby. He had no response and waited 2 days later to tell me that he have doubts about the baby. He appeared at only 3 of my DR. visits and had no interest in what was going on at my DR. visits. He change his mind so many times about the baby. 1) he said that he's not saying that the baby is or isn't his. 2) he need a DNA test just to have proof. 3) he told people that he was 80% sure that the baby wasn't his. I'm confused at why he's saying this. I've never cheated on him but I did find out that he was seeing 3 other girls incl. me. Should I allow him to be in the delivery room or not.

 

tonia - October 2

I forgot to add that he said that when I go into labor that he need to be there. I'm like why? He said because he just needs to be there I'm confused at why do he need to be there if you're 80% sure that you are not the father. I'm due in 13 days

 

Brianne's Mama - October 3

He probably wants to see if the baby looks like him or not. Either guilt is eating the hell out of him, or he is really curious to see who the baby looks like. I wouldn't want him there, you've been preggers all this time and he NEVER once supported you. Girl the answer would be simple if I were in your shoes........ABSOLUTELY NOT! If you wish to discuss further you can always email me at [email protected]

 

Aisha - October 3

Tonia..when you are in labor..honestly you wont care whos that because when that pain rips through your body trust me...al you will be thinking about is that baby. Your babys daddy sounds like mine...I went through my pregnancy alone...not ONE time did he come to a drs visit and he asked me 2 times how the baby was and that was only at the end. When the baby came..he was surprised that he came on time and when i say on time..i mean 9 months TO THE DAY when I told him i got pregnant..before that he was trying to say that I was pregnant before me and him got together..then when the baby came he said he was going to do the dna test but not the legal one..OH NO the bootleg ghettofied version where we know hes the father but its not legally enforceable...mmm hmm mmm....so he wasnt there for me but i sent him pictures of the baby and what dya know the baby looks the spitting image of his father and i mean EXACTLY like his dad. Im black and his dad is hispanic...can someone tell me why my son came out with NO color and NO black features lol...i found it ironic because my babys daddy started to talk about our future again but for me its a done deal. He shoulda beleived me and like that keisha cole song...I shoulda cheated!! My view is let him be there...and thenmake him sign that voluntary declaration whilst hes bout it bout it!! lol Good luck and it may not be 13 days :) I had mine at 38 weeks!

 

Brianne's Mama - October 3

Tonia, the decision is your's but whatever you decide make sure you do it with the baby in mind. No matter what you think about that clown, the baby is who is the most important.

 

your choice.. - October 3

would be better for you to have someone who supports you fully through this.. but if he/you want let him be there, maybe he will step up and be a man, might bring all three of u closer together, if it is his, its good to have that bond right off the bat....just my opinon....your future is in your hands.....good luck....

 

April - October 6

TONIA... how do you feel when you think about him? Does he stress you out? If he does.. then you might not want him in there. Because you need to be as relaxed as you possibly can in that delivery room so the pain won't be as bad. (trust me.. the more relaxed you are.. the less the pain.. ask your doctors.. it's true) Also remember that YOU are in control of who is allowed in that delivery room. If you tell your doctor that you don't want him in there.. they will NOT allow him in there. Your situation sounds a bit like mine. My ex dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant, avoided me, and got engaged to a 19 year old 3 months later. He had nothing to do with me during the pregnancy, but I was still considering letting him in the delivery room. He emailed me about a week before I delivered. Just seeing his name in my email got me stressed out. My heartrate went up and no doubt my blood pressure. There was no way he could be in that room with me if just seeing his name freaked me out like that. So just think about how you feel when you're around him. If you're uncomfortable.. I wouldn't let him in the room. He can wait out in the waiting area... it won't hurt him one bit.

 

Tonia.. to April - October 7

I hate that you had to go through that and I know it hurt you. B/C when I found out about his whorish ways it hurt me. I've managed to forgive him and move on but he keep calling me asking me if I am going to let him in the delivery room. My family will be there and believe me they have a choice of words they would like to say to him. And I don't want to have that happening while I'm in labor. I don't want him there b/c he denied that the baby is his and I know that I only need to let the people that is going to support me in there. I asked him why do he want to be there he had no answer but he made his answer into a question by saying "oh you don't want me there" At first he was like "I need to be there" to "If you don't want me there then I wont come" Then he's like well I don't know how you feel about me being there b/c of all the stuff that has happened. He wouldn't hang up the phone until I gave him an answer. I'm like screw that boy. B/C oh now you want to come around and be there. Well I know that when a man is denying a child then he has no right ti that baby. When we do the DNA test then he can be there all he want to.

 

Maggie - October 9

Tonia I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You know this is his baby, and you also know its important for your child to have a father. I think that you should offer to let him be there, but don't be surprised if he doesn't show up. There is also no rule that says he has to be in the room for the delivery, he could just be in the vicinity. I grew up with my Dad, and even though he and my birth mother could not be in a room together without fighting, he never prevented us from having a relationship. Unfortunately my Mom was the type to not show up, but at least I know my father tried to keep her in my life. If this guy wants nothing to do with the baby, at least you can keep solice in the fact that you tried and you did the right thing by your baby. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.

 

thats your call - October 28

thats something that you really need deicede on your own. if u feel he should be there then let him, if not put your foot down

 

Brownmomma86 - January 2

I know I’m late however you should do what you feel best. My baby father denies our son. He hasn’t supported me in no way neither. No co-pays for docs appointment/clothes/diapers/ crib/car seat nothing I paid for everything out of pocket even stocked up on diapers and wipes. He too wanted to be present for the birth. I told him when he gets the dna that he requested and child support is established we’ll sit down and talk about visitation. Sometimes as women we do things off of emotions and men get away with murder however always remember if the shoe was on there he other foot would he be so kind to let you be present. Probably not if he cheat and walk out on you that means he’s heartless.

 

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