So Depressed And Trying Not To Be Help

10 Replies
carriebell - April 27

I am so depressed. I am 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first child. The father and I broke up after 2 years of dating and going through a miscarriage together in Dec. He is now ignorring my calls and saying he is not in love with me anymore and realy to move on and start dating. I am so heart broken, I trusted this man. I am now having to move home to be with my parents so I can get the support and help that he is unwilling to give. I have had to apply for goverment help because I was laid off from my job the same week I found out I was pregnant. So now I'm looking for another job, dealing with morning sickness, fighting depression, dealing with my ex not wanting to be with me and trying to be happy about this miracle all at the same time. And I tell you its very hard! Most nights I cry myself to sleep. I've lost 15lbs and cant even focus. I'm trying so hard to pull myself together for this little angel in me, it's just so hard. I cant find the strengh...and yes, I am praying. I just dont understand why God would give me a child as weak as I am right now and why with a man who would run out on me? WHy is that fair to the baby? I know I can't make the father want to be a part of this, but I can make this a happy time..I just dont know how? This is my first child. I dont want to regret crying all the time and missing out on all the changes with it unfolding. No one is really happy about this pregnany rihgt now and it's very hard for me to be...my parents are supporting me, but are upset that its with man that it is. Any thoughts?

 

COLLEEN084 - April 28

Oh my gosh, I can completely relate. I was about 7 weeks pregnant with my then boyfriend when I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say, he completely freaked, ran off, broke up with me, said he never loved me, kept calling and pressuring for me to put her up for adoption and then just completely stopped calling alltogether. If I were you girl I would completely drop the phone and not talk to his sorry a** anymore! It helped me sooo much b/c the rejection I felt everytime I heard the phone ring and it wasn't him was devastating. I cried myself to sleep for a month straight. I thought for sure my baby was going to be born with some sort of anxiety disorder from all the stress and depression I was feeling. BUT after about 4 months of not hearing from him, and staying with my parents for support (thank God we're both lucky to have them) I finally found the strength within me to say AND believe that I could do this on my own. And whattya know? Six months into this pregnancy I start getting calls from him again about how much he screwed up. Long story short, I'm 34 weeks pregnant now and he and I are not back together but he has realized ON HIS OWN what a jacka** he was and how much he wants to be there for his daughter. Most guys have to come to terms with these types of things themselves...as much as we want to interfere it will simply do no good. I'd love to wrap my arms around you and give you one GIGANTO hug because I know exactly how you feel right now. Please respond so we can chat some more. I still have some pretty bad days too....

 

carriebell - April 28

Thank you so much Colleen and Shoobsbaby for sharing your stories with me. It gives me strength to know other are/went through the same thing. The father and I were together for 2 years (all of which was a long distance relationship). We were very strong becasue of that. Pregnant or not WE had planned on me moving there in MAy when I finished school. This was talked about for almost 5 months, we looked at rings, land to possibly but to build a home...etc. I do have to add this...we fought often, little stupid things we would fight about but because it was long distance it was very hard for us to get over the fights quickly (which lead to some resentment build up). Our last fight 2 weeks ago, he said that this was it...he didnt want to be with me anymore that our relationship was making him miserable and just because I am having his child doesnt mean he has to be with me. Keep in mind that I had jsut left his house a week before and he was saying how ready he was for me to move there and bought me a treadmill for my bday (my choice)because I was pregnant. After the miscarriage in Dec, he would say things like "baby, when you are ready we will start trying again"...sweet little things like that. NOW he is saying he knew at that point he didnt want to be with me, he fell out of love with a year ago and that's why we fight all the time because he has stopped trying with the relationship and basically jsut sitting there having s_x with me. He has said some very hurtful things in the past 2 weeks that almost make me wonder if he is trying to make me have another miscarriage? WHatever the case...I dont understand why jsut a month ago he wa so happy about this and now he is soo angry about it. He just all of a sudden hates me! He has NEVER been this distant to me and I know its because of the pregnancy. He feels trapped. He has said that he will pay child support when the child gets here but he will not support me during the pregnancy. He lives 5 states away so this is going to be very hard on a child with all the traveling that will be involved. I asked him what he thought of me moving to the same town...his response was "NO, you will just be under my skin with this baby!" I do hope he comes around like both of you have said...but it's almost to late...why do men get to chose when and how they will be a dad??

 

Cat24 - April 30

i personally think if a guy who supposedly loves you treats you like dirt when he finds out you are pregnant etc, then thats not true love. thats a selfish little boy who hasnt grown up and doesnt know what love is. its true that both men and women get scared at the prospect of bringing a baby into the world, but there is a whole lot of difference between a guy who cheats on you and treats you like dirt throughout your pregnancy and a guy who is a real man and shows his love and respect. i did find shoobs story interesting until she said she got back with the cheating loser. the things women do to be with the fathers of their baby even though they are no good!

 

carriebell - May 2

Yeah cat I agree with you. I'm finding this so hard to accept that it is over between the father and I because I know deep down in my heart that if he really did love me no matter how scared he was he wouldnt run out on me like this. For the past two days him and I have actually been flirting and sleeping together and yesterday when I told him I couldnt do that anymore because more was involved for me...my heart! He said he understood and I havent heard from him again. He is now back to ignoring my calls. I dont know if I am trying so hard to make it right because of this baby or because I am that attached to him? He was my best friend and I jsut want to experience this with him. When we did talk for the few days we did it was nothing to do with the baby, mostly s_x. I didnt think it would bother me and I really needed to feel and see him again, but now I feel just empty. And this is not how I want to feel for my little baby. I feel like he over powers my thoughts and feelings and without him I am not complete. I do not know where to start letting him go. When I get ok and happy about the pregnancy and buy something or think of something...I want to call him and share it with him...

 

COLLEEN084 - May 2

I know what you're talking about when you say you want to call him at random times and tell him about certain things going on in your life. Even just small things like a song you heard on the radio or whatever. I totally get that. Your parents sound supportive enough, and believe me that will only grow stronger with your growing belly, so I HIGHLY suggest you start calling THEM and telling them all about you and your day. It will help you to vent and will give you a subst_tute for the time being. I know when I found out the s_x of my baby I wanted to call him so bad, but I just called EVERYONE in my phone book instead and it distracted me at least for a day or two.

 

Charlibabe - May 3

I can relate to you somewhat. I am 31 weeks pregnant...and I had my fiance through the whole pregnancy. Now that he is gone I have suffered from great depression...lost a lot of weight this late in the pregnancy and everything. I cry all the time because I miss him so much. Only difference is that he didn't leave me because he doesn't want the baby or doesn't want me...he got in trouble with the law. He is innocent but there is so much evidence against him he is going to be going away and it kills me so much. Now my family wants me to give the baby up...but I love her so very much and I know I will be a good mommy. I had to move in with my grandparents because my parents have totally disowned me because of my fiance. It really sucks. I hope you get everything sorted out I really do I know how hard it is to be alone. Just keep thinking about that little one inside you, thats what I do to keep me going.

 

meowmeowpaws - May 4

I know what it's like to think your prayers aren't answered. Or why God is taking his time with your situation. I try to remind myself, daily, that I should accept God's timing and his will. I can relate a whole lot to your situation and I know how it feels to hurt almost every second of the day. My baby's father and I were only together a month before I got pregnant. That didn't matter to me, however, because I thought we were sooo in love with each other that we could accomplish anything. I guess he felt different. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy and I simply refused. It made me love him that much more to know I was carrying his child. Even though I didn't do what he wanted me to, we continued the relationship for a few more months. I knew he was struggling with the fact he was going to be a father but I guess I didn't realize how much exactly. A little over two months ago, he broke things off saying he wasn't happy and he shouldn't have to be with someone just because he got them pregnant. He promised to be there for me and to be a good father for our baby. As hard as it was to accept, at the time, I was determined to get him back as soon as possible. I tried EVERYTHING to get him back. I tried sympathizing with him, was one of the guys, being a total s_x kitten that was up for anything, practically begging him back, even giving him a little distance. Then I realized that it didn't matter what I did, he was stubborn and set in his ways. The last time I saw him, about a month ago, I realized he was over me. He didn't give me the same "look" like he used to, among other things. Since then, I tried distancing myself from him in hopes that I could *maybe* make myself fall out of love with him. He then admitted that if he met someone he liked a lot, he wouldn't turn down a relationship with them. That made me a VERY jealous person and I've never really been that type. Being jealous made me more hateful towards him and that pushed him away even more. I could've gave him everything and he chose to take way less. Eventually we got into the biggest fight we've ever had over me thinking he's not going to be there for our baby. I felt like I've had to drag him through this entire pregnancy. He admitted later that he said pretty harsh things about me after the fight. This one stood out: "maybe she'll die during child birth". I was completely shocked at those words. I understand that people say stupid things when they're mad and don't mean it but that was ridiculous. After he told me that, I told him he would not be in the delivery room when our baby is born , our baby will not have his last name and that I would not contact him with information about the pregnancy anymore. Apparently that hurt him enough to tell me he'd see me when she is born and wouldn't even be calling to check on things because he doesn't want to talk to me. We haven't spoken since. I know he thinks I'm the biggest b___h ever but I'm trying not to care. Of course I want him in the delivery room. I want him to bond with his child at the first sight of her coming into the world. I want US to share that moment together. I want him desperately to vindicate himself before August so that we can go back to being semi-normal again. Honestly though, I don't see it happening. I'm not even sure how it's going to be when our daughter is here and he comes to visit before she's big enough for him to take her. I too feel like I'm going to regret spending so much time thinking about him instead of focusing on my pregnancy. I do still love him sooo much, no matter what has been said and done. It's hard to tell if it's the hormones that make me so emotionally attached or if it's because I'm carrying his child. I keep telling myself that I should pity him for not being around while I'm pregnant. He's missing out on things on a daily basis. He's never even felt our daughter kick and that, to me, is the most exciting part of being pregnant. I once read on another message board that if God leads you to it, he will help you through it. Even if you feel so low that you can't even pray, know that someone out there is praying for you instead. I will pray for you and you can pray for me too :) We will make it through this even if it takes a while. And remember, time heals. <3

 

Cat24 - May 7

Charlibabe i have been in a similar situation to you regarding the boyfriend although i wasnt pregnant at the time. i honestly believed everything he said to me even though all the evidence and everybody else's statements went against him. it turned out to be absolutely devastating when i finally opened up my eyes and realised that they were right all along and i had wasted 4 years of my life fighting his corner! if i had been pregnant you could bet that i would probably still be with him as i would force myself to believe he wasnt what he was, especially if he was the father of my baby! all i am saying is please td not block out what every logical level minded person you know is trying to tell you, men can be very good liars and very deceptive - particularly criminals, especially when you are so in love with them that that love blinds everything else. tread carefully and make it your mission to find out the truth (not just what he tells you to believe). good luck with your pregnancy and i hope everything works out for the best.

 

Cat24 - May 8

carrie i know it has already happened, but it is one of the worst things to do to carry on sleeping with them after they have treated you in such a neglectful hurtful way. the thing with these guys is that unlike you they don't seem to have any attahments, so when you think its making love and can perhaps see a light at the end of the tunnel, all they see is an easy way to have s_x. its cruel of them and they do it because men usually find sleeping with their ex 'easy' to do because she is still vulnerable/not over him/wants to get back with him etc etc. you can be strong without him as a partner and use your family for strength and support. in a few months time you will hopefully notice that the next time he tries to use you he will get a big shock! remember you and your baby are way more important than that loser.

 

prettyeyecc - May 27

I really hope eveyone's situation gets better.. I go to this site daily just for the comfort of knowing I am not the only one going through this.. It makes me so sad that so many men out there are like this.. But we as women are much stronger than these weak a__s men and we WILL get through this!!! I am here for anyone to lend a ear for i am going throught the same thing!!!

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?  
Start A New Discussion