The Father Is A Loser

26 Replies
Katarina - January 12

I'm still kind of in shock that I'm pregnant. I know that the father is this guy that was more of a friend with benefits, and the last time I was with him was december 30th. I'm so upset because I just started dating someone who I really care about..the first guy I've actually cared about for a very long time. I told him I might be pregnant today, and I just found out I was. If he doesn't accept it, I'll understand even though it'll hurt. My problem is the father is a loser. He's 22, living with his parents, barely stays in the community college we met, barely keeps a job, smokes and pops pills. People are telling me to get him to take care of child support..but truthfully I dont want him in the child's life at all..and I'm sure he doesn't want to be in the baby's life anyway. I don't know what to do..I'm only 18 and I want to be indepedent and raise my child right..but how can I on my own? Should I use him for child support?

 

MelissaP - January 13

First off, you are not "using" him for child support . He has a responsibility to this child and you should not feel guilty about him giving you money to help take care of him/her. Do what you feel is best for you and this child. Good luck

 

babyheartox - January 14

kind of wondering about this guy. he sounds really familiar.

 

lunamoo - January 15

I think it is unfair to already call the father of your child a "loser". You had made a conscience decision to have unprotected s_x with him, so what does that make youl...?!? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but come on girl. I am sure he-- LIKE YOU--did not plan on this pregnancy and therefore is not in a station in life to be a mature and providing father, but then again, neither are you...Be kind and try to work things out if you in fact decide to raise your child. Get some parents involved and informed, you will need their help and support.

 

momma0710 - January 15

Why do you girls not think things through??? So let me get this straight you were sleeping with this as you call him loser unprotected (good enough of a guy for you to have s_x with but now he is a loser) and since the last time you slept with him 45days ago you've met another great guy and you already care about him a lot???? in 45 days??? Here's some advice, you've got the longest, hardest road ahead of you being a mom is the hardest thing you will ever do...stop worring about boys and get YOUR sh*t together, because "using" someone for child support thats a loser is not a parenting plan, its just another stupid idea...kinda like unprotected s_x!!!

 

Skyeblue - January 15

You are 18, I a__sume living at home and not working (hence your financial concern) who has unprotected s_x with a "LOSER" whom you arelady know you want nothing to do with. And now 2 weeks later you have already met a guy that you care so much about... Now I ask you...WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICUTRE...?

 

Lexa - January 17

No self-respecting woman should have s_x with a loser, let alone get knocked up by one.

 

goosifer101 - January 17

WHOA!!! O.K. Before the rest of these mommies throw you overboard, let me rea__sure you. My situation is a bit different because I am much older and have already established my independence (own place, car, career, etc) BUT, like you I was dating a loser who I was having fun with. He was living with me and I accidentally became pregnant. It obviously does happen ladies! Once responsibility came in the picture I matured and he didn't. So, I kicked him out. He sounds like the spitting image of your guy. Only, he went and shacked up with another girl, not lived at home. I don't want him in my babies life either, and I don't plan on it. You are already being a good mommy looking out for your childs best interest. If your instincts tell you that he is unfit, then trust them. You made a mistake, yes, but your child shouldn't have to live it. He, like my ex, needs to prove that he can be a stable environment for the child. Then consider letting him be a part of the babies life. Now, I am not going after my ex for child support. I don't think its fair for me to expect him to pay when I don't want him to see my child. If you go for child support than expect him to fight for parental rights. You need to evaluate what is important to you. Money? or peace of mind? Good luck with this decision. Oh, as far as the new guy goes. My advice is to keep him at bay for a while. You are going to have a lot to deal with right now anyways. Getting in another relationship is probably not going to be easy right now. Again, good luck and keep your head up. You can do this, and you can do it without a man. Just be strong.

 

kyramichele - January 17

Hello, I'm a 34 yr old single mother. My daughter is 17 and headed to college this fall. She's an only child. You should take some time to think about what is important to this child. Look at the situation thru the child's eyes. Children deserve to have a good father and mother...I chose to have unprotected s_x at 16 and had my daughter at 17. My life has been a series of sacrifices ever since. I love my daughter greatly, but I wish I'd waited to have my child with a man that I could be proud of, instead of a loser that won't be around to help raise the child. The father has a legal responsibly to financially support this child. It's not a question of should you use him, it a matter of fact. He is legally responsible to care of this child. Your unborn childs deserves to have the best quality of life that you can provide. why should you bare all the financial responsibilty, while he gets the next girl pregnant. And he will get someone else knocked up...

 

Katarina - January 18

i cant believe i came here for advice. in fact as pathetic as it is im crying as i type this. for all of your information to the unsympathetic b___hes on this site, i had protected s_x. i do not sleep around, and me and the guy weren't dating. we only had s_x about 2 or 3 times. it was a MISTAKE. and to the woman who said i must be living at home and not working..yes i live at home, but i've been financially independant for 3 years, i work full time, and i go to school. my concern is that i dont have health insurance, and i want to be able to provide as much as i can for my baby. i made a mistake..but none of you know who i am or my position, i figured that you wouldn't need to,that maybe some of you would understand how hard it is. The only reason I came here was because i was so shocked, but i'm now getting all the support i need from my family and friends. all of you others who waste your time to be cynical and rude, go get lives. The people that are on here to help others, thank you and continue doing what your doing.

 

Katarina - January 18

oh, and to skyeblue, yes we just started dating, but i've known him 9 years.

 

Skyeblue - January 18

Equally if you have "all the support you need from family and friends" then you too should not bad mouth and call people on here "b___hes" because they do not fully sympathsize with your unfortunate situation. Sure of COURSE you were on the pill and he was using a condom and this was a "mistake" of which you have no responsibility for. What erks me is that so soon you can refer to the father of your baby a "loser". Why don't you try to help him, work and communicate with his parents and try to make the siuation better? Try to make it into something more positive. He must be in "shock" too. This of course is not to say he will turn out to be a super dad--btw few men are--but perhaps he will step up to the plate and try to a decent dad. It just sounds so so selfish at this point in the game to say you "don't want him in the child's life". GEE WIZ, try to make it better for the sake of your child. This is going to be a long long road you are about to embark on and ideally you wont be a single parent the entire way. Good luck!

 

goosifer101 - January 18

Katarina - Please don't get to frustrated. Some people just don't understand what it is like to be in this situation. I think you are doing the right thing. If you don't beleive that he will be good for your child right now, than you should trust those instincts. If he really wants to be a part of the childs life, then he will shape up. And THEN he could be involved. That is what I am doing. I refuse to let my child potentially be in a harmfull situation just because I accidentally got pregnant by this guy. As far as insurance, your child will definitely qualify for what we call in Ohio a "health card". Don't worry to much about that. Noone will deny you help. I, like you, have had tremendous support from my friends and family and I don't regret my decisions at all. My family would be less supportive if I would have let him stay involved. And trust me, their support is greater than any I could have ever received from him. Good luck to you. If you want to talk more, please feel free to email me. I am goosifer101 and I am at yahoo

 

rl- - January 18

If the father is such a "loser" why are you having unprotected s_x with him...kinda says something about you as well. The one I feel sorry for is the baby he/she is the one that will be stuck with the "losers" grow up and use the protection when you sleep around with losers.....

 

lier - January 18

Katarina and goosifer I am in the exact same position. And its not that I don't want my baby to have a baby I do. But I accidently got pregnant by a loser who is 26 and still barely in jr college. He says someday he will be a dr. After 8 years of community college I doubt it. Plus I wouldn't take my child to a dr that can't pa__s pre cacu he has taken it three times. He said he failed it this last time because he was in shock over my pregnancy. He even claimed that he wanted to be a good dad, but called my a lier and b___h for getting pregnant, sorry it was an honest mistake. So at the beginning I allow him to be shocked and an a__s. I am now half way through my pregnancy and haven't heard a thing from him since I was two months along. I even got the message to him that I am having a son but I also let him know that the way things are now. Hell would freeze over before he could see his son. But if he actully wants to be a "MAN" and proove himself, then I would LOVE for him to be in the baby's life. But I doubt that would happen. He has no money, no future and I don't need him. Goosifer my family is the same as yours they say that if I was to let the father see the baby as he is now they would give me less support because of how much of an a__s he is. And those that judge on this form most of them aren't single parents they are stay at home moms that just like to gosip and feel better about themselves by putting us down. I never thought I would be a single parent in fact this guy was my first I wanted to wait until marriage but due to some personal issues I allowed this guy to convince me that we were in love and we could have everything once he was out of college. So I supported his sorry a__s. Ok I could go on and on but Katarina I think you are doing the right thing. Good Luck!!!!

 

lier - January 18

the second line should read its not that I don't want my baby to have a Father, I do. Sorry I was just so mad about these peoples post. I said I wasn't going to get angry over their responds anymore but I still do. Its probably why I don't visit here anymore. I wanted support. But these ladys don't seem to know how to!!!!

 

goosifer101 - January 18

rl (and other rude responders) WHY WHY WHY would you be so negative. You are replying on a "single and pregnant" forum which would lead us to beleive that you yourself would be single and pregnant, which would mean you had some sort of father issues. And if you are not, then why do you feel qualified to be so negative towards those of us that are. You know nothing about me or these other women, yet you automatically think that because we "let ourselves get knocked up by some loser" that we ourselves are losers that don't know what we are doing. YOU ARE WRONG. I don't know you, and I don't a__sume anything about you. BUT, listening to the nastiness you spew to people posting on a forum for help, I feel sorry for your child because most likely you will teach him or her to be judgemental towards others. So, I feel more sorry for your child than mine, because I know he is going to be growing up in a VERY stable environment.

 

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