Torn Between Letting Him In Or Letting Him Go

8 Replies
Crystal - March 20

I'm 23 and this is my first baby. I'm 9 weeks pregnant and i've never been this scared in my life. The father and i have been dating for 3 1/2 years and well we've actually been trying to get pregnant for the past 1 1/2yr. We thought that he couldnt have kids.When i told him i wa pregnant he was so excited and everything was wonderful. The other day he told me that he can not commit to just me. He slept with someone else and cares alot about her, but he says he still loves me. WTF?!? This is the time of my life when i need him more than anything and he's putting me thru this. Needless to say i've been extremely depressed here lately. . . this is not me. I'm usually a happy bubbley person. I've never experienced depression like this before. The father wants to be a part of my life and the baby's life, but right now he says he can't commit to just me. What do I do?!?! Do i let him back in or do i just let him go?

 

autum - March 20

really that is your decision, you have to look at all sides, can you forgive him for cheating. is he just lost with becoming a new dad and wants one last fling, then now he cares for. do you want you child to learn that ,that behavour is exaptable. what do you want out of life.there are lots of men that would love to be with you and take care of you child as his own, but to leave him or keep him is totally up to you. although if it was me, i would have a long hearted talk and figure out what made him stray in the first place and go from there. but just from your story i would leave him but that is my opioion. hope all goes well

 

steffnee - March 20

honey you should honestly think about letting him go. I can speak from experience because I am in the very same boat right now, its hard as hell, but getting over him will be the best thing for you and for that baby later on. Its scary, its maddening, its lonely but you need to remember, he cheated on you while you go through the complications of pregnancy. He put his lips and hands on someone who is not carrying his baby, while you sit at home trying not to throw up food, carrying HIS baby. How is that fair to you? Ask yourself the question, do you derserve to be treated this way. Talk to close friends, they will undoubtably tell you what an a$$ he is and that helps, also this is very important, get the book "He's just not that into you." sounds harsh, but this man is FOR woman, not against them. He's uplifting and you will see all the signs that your baby's father is a jerk, just within the first few chapters. Chin up, baby...its hard but worth every bit of harship. And remember, if he can't commit to you now when you need moral support the most, he can't commit period.

 

autum - March 20

yes that book ihave it and it is a must read. it will show you so many question that we have answerd from a man point of view who really trying to help us. well worth it.

 

marie - April 19

hi oh my god we are like the same person I have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs we got pregnant last november and in his drunk rage he beat me up really bad and I lost the baby he seemed really sad and he was with me the whole time of the miscarriage and things had been great since then well I found out last week that I was 6 weeks and he right away went back to his old ways and he beat me up again on saturday the whole left side of my body is black and blue. and now I dont know what to do I wanna be by myself but I am scared to do this all alone I just keep thinking of him stomping on me and me screaming and begging him to stop! no one knows I am preg but keep asking me what is wrong that I am not myself. but goodluck with your situation

 

~S~ - April 19

Whoa! Marie, that's absolutly crazy. You REALLY need to get out of that relationship. Any sort of abuse is not acceptable, especially physical. AND, especially if it's so bad that it caused the life of your first child. I know you say your scared to do this alone, but seriously, think of the times when he beats you, ask yourself if you deserve this? ask yourself how your child will feel when he see's daddy beating up mommy? Because you know what, it's not going to stop. Just beacuse the baby is around, the father will not all of a sudden stop beating you. Marie, I grew up in a home where my father beat my mom until she was black and blue. It even got so bad that she tried committing suicide once or twice, the only thing that stopped her was my brother and I. I know you can sit there and think "Oh well, I would never think about killing myself" but you say that now. Think about how awful you feel after your bf beats you, now times that by 100. That's what you'll feel when you see your child witnessing this event. I kid you not. And another thing, not only will the fathers beating hurt you, it will hurt your child, emotionally. And who knows that he won't hit your kid??? It's not unheard of and it's not impossible. Why should your child have to pay for your abusive relationship? You really need to get out of that right now. Don't say "oh but he'll change" Yah, he'll change when Santa Clause comes sliding down my chimminey. Marie you need to seek out some sort of support, you really should tell a close friend of what's going on and the fact that your pregnant. if you have family near by, you really should inform them of your pregnancy. No one can help you, if you don't ask. No one will know anything is wrong, unless you tell. No one can be there to support you unless you reach out. And trust me, you will NOT be alone, and even if you are, isn't being alone better than being beaten to the point of miscarriage??? I would think so. Good luck and I wish the best for you.

 

jes - April 19

hi crystal- i just turned 22 a few weeks ago and i'm 31 weeks pregnant with my first baby girl. her daddy has also told us how he doesn't know if he loves me "like he used to" & he never really wanted a kid. he's repeatedly gone to visit his ex-gf who leaves him phone messages that include "i can't wait to wake up naked next to you". yet he habitually lies to me about seeing/talking to her... one would think a 26 year old would take more responsibility than what he has. he also tells me how he still loves me, that is what kept me hanging on these past few months- like you, i've also felt so depressed, alone, hurt, angry, frustrated, rejected, and not sufficent enough. i want to tell him, WTF are you thinking, i'm pregnant with your baby and you're still running back and forth with your ex!! it has taken time for me to get enough strength to leave him. i've spent the majority of my pregnancy in tears, sad, not excited, and not happy. you leaving him is really your decision, but having walked in your shoes, please, PLEASE take care of yourself & baby... the depression, anxiety, and hurt isn't good for your baby. i'm so afraid my baby will have colic because i've been so stressed throughout this pregnancy because of him... i really wish i would have left him sooner. stay strong girly- i know it's hard, email me if you want to talk, [email protected] <3

 

Audrey - April 22

I can understand where all you girls are coming from. My first marriage was abusive as well, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. It was okay for the first year or so, then went downhill after that. I was teased, put-down, and criticised. He would grope me at the most awful times, such as when I was preparing food with a knife or taking something hot out of the microwave. Many times I warned him that he would cause an accident but he never listened. And forget about "making love", he wanted s_x whenever it suited him and ignored me when I wanted some TLC. I became convinced that the only things he really loved were his computer and his vehicle. So I finally got up the strength to leave him, and I divorced him. I'm much happier now and I'm with a man who loves and respects me completely. So in those bad times, find the strength to put things right!

 

April - May 11

Hey girl, It's difficult to go throught a relationship like that. I am in the same situation as you are and i don't know if i should get out or not. I used to get hit all the time and i was emotionally abused. I will be delivering my baby in a month and i have stayed in the relationship, jsut becuase i dont have support from anyone else. My friends who i talked to about my situation ended up telling him lies about me and he would beat me up. He cheated on me when i got pregnant, i would stay home and wait for him to get back from work and he would not get back until ot in the morning. We would get in fights, but he would still keep on cheating on me. The girl he was cheating on me knew that i was pregnant, but all she wanted was for him to be with her. For the first six months of my pregnancy he cheated on me in my face and tried making me look crazy and saying that i saw wrong. He ended up getting her pregnant, but she had a miscarriage. He is only with me know but i sometimes feel discusted if he kisses me or anything because he decided to go sleep with her while i was homeless and with no place to go while carriying his son. I know the situation that you are in and i have to tell you if you can try to get out, i know it is hard, i still have to do it, but i will pray to God that you get the strength to get out.

 

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