What S The Right Thing To Do For My Kids And Me

2 Replies
kimmie - January 31

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my ex-husbands baby. We have three other daughters (13/9/6) We were married for 10 years ,divorced for the last four years , but kept sleeping together for the entire time . We share custody of our three daughters and are currently on "better " terms.We went through a h__l of a divorce.I wanted the divorce ( he was a terrible husband and not much of a father ) He has gotten alot better over these four years and i have made myself more of an equal to him .i've grown up alot. Here's my question ..... he wants to see the kids everyday .... i bring them over on" my days" after school and we stay there until around eight and then go home (we live in two seperate houses ) On his days i come over after work eat there , hang -out with the kids get them to bed and sometimes stay & sometimes leave .Like i said, i am pregnant right now( with a boy ) . Can anyone out there tell me if this is MORE or less damaging to my kids ??? they are happy ...but it's hard on me . Maybe it's because i'm pregnant.....or maybe because after three years of only seeing my kids on my 3.5 days a week....i really want to be with them everyday !! but the hard part is watching my ex-husband talk to girls on the internet and move on with his life when i am not able to move on with my life . I love him, crazy as that my sound. We are both 36 . We were each others "first " everything . He has alot of resentment because i divorced him . He says he wanted to be with me forever and have his family intact but now he can't forgive me for walking out and only giving him joint custody of our daughters . ALSO because we share custody i agreed to no child support but now that i am pregnant i am finding it harder to work and therefore am making alot less money . Do i have recourse to go to family court now that i am pregant with his son and revise the agreement that we have ????? thank you for reading this very long post ! any advise would be greatly appreciated . God Bless . kim

 

Vegas - February 7

Yes. Go back to court and get your child support. You can even go every year to have the case revisited. However you are going to have to stop sleeping with him and taking your children over there on your days. Once you get a judgment then you can do whatever you want, but keep in mind that he can also have the case revisited. So when I say whatever you want I mean whatever you want as long as it wont interfere with keeping custody or your child support.

 

? - February 7

Do you really love him? I mean are you really in love with him? Sometimes after years of marriage you find security and the you are in the relationship by habit. He may have changed but it sounds like you have also changed. Changes can be for the better but with these changes you may have learned more about yourself. I don't know how healthy or unhealthy this is for your children. It is a matter of what have you and your husband told them and how do you two communicate in front of them. What message do you want to send to your daughters about relationships? I am not trying to be judgemental. I also have 3 children (16,12,8) and have been separated for 3 years. He sees his children everyday and still particpates in my families gatherings (holidays...). He eats dinner at my home and we do some things together with the children. I allow this because he has no family, his children are his family. But I realize I have a safety net with him. When things are bad and the full circle comes back around we always complete the circle and meet one another. Financially he is a good provider. He has become a wonderful man and made many changes. But I have made changes, there are things in my life that I want and expect. I want to go out on dates without our children, I want ma__sages, I want pa__sionate s_x, I want to watch a lifetime movie and get into the movie with him, I want to watch sports with him ... I have dated one man outside of my husband and I know these things exsist. I try to do these things and it just doesn't seem to happen. He'll go watch a movie in the other room and if not speaking about the children his communication consist of "oh okay, alright..." short sweet not interested responses. Our problems began when he had an affair,internet, anger issues..... multiple things. I think the bottom line is our insecurity and the fact that we are not able to let go of our security blanket in life. Maybe you should speak with him about the hardship if he is approachable. If he really cares he will not want you to go without and should be happy to change the paperwork to reflect what is fair to both of you. Talk with attorneys (free consults) and see what the law may allow before approaching him, so you know what you can negotiate with. In my case I have custody. He has daily visitation everyday and can not be excluded from participating in their events. In lieu of childsupport he pays the mortgage until our youngest child reaches the age of 21 and my car note until paid off so I will always have a home and transportation. Just explore your rights and options. Also think long and hard about the message you are sending your children and about what you doing to yourself. Right now you are only getting your husband part time. There are many good men who will accept you and your children. But work on yourself first and then work on a healthy relationship. Good luck.

 

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