What To Do-pg110361179364

11 Replies
Quanita - December 21

im 3moths pregnant, married now for just over a month into a marriage i was almost forced into. im so unhappy and get ill treated. is it worth leaving and raising my baby as a single mom? i feel its selfish to take my baby away from his dad, but what else can i do. i cant the abuse any more.

 

Stength101 - December 21

There is no reason why a person should stay in an abusive relationship. The longer you you stay the harder it will be to leave later. There are so many resources available to help financially and emotionally. Learn all you can about your rights "knowlege is power". It does not take money to gain knowledge. Call a family law attorney ask questions, check into gov. programs (WIC...), check into continuing your education (you may qualify for a__sistance, pell grants and child care while attending). Improving yourself by continuing your education will help you feel more confident and also help you to provide a better life for you and your child. Pregnancy is hard on a woman in a healthy relationship, the body goes through many changes. You know your situation better than anyone, trust your initial instincts. Being a single mom is not always easy, but is the life your living now easy and does your child need to be born into an unhealthy lifestyle? Determination and positive outlooks can guide you through this trying time.

 

strength101 - December 21

PS. I am 36 weeks preg. and I was left by the father when I was about 27 weeks (when he figured out I there were no more late term abortion options & adoption was not a direction i would take). We were together 4 years. I know how hard the stress is on a pregnant women, I know the strength it takes one day at at a time some days are better than others, and I know being without the father is hard. But I also know you can make this as hard as you want or as easy, it is all in the state of mind.

 

Quanita - December 21

thank you so much for you reply. you know its easier said than done to leave. this morning i was so confident and strong about leaving. but i dont have the first clue of where i will go. he makes all sorts of threats of takink the baby away from me when his born. im so scared because really i do love him but it is like he has a split personality. one day he is so sweet and loving and next he treats me like im nothing.

 

strength101 - December 21

I do know how it is. I was there once. A person can change but only if he or she wants to. You can ask him if he knows and understands how his actions make you feel and what triggers him to act out. It could be in his family history, money, the responsibility of being a father (unplanned), he did not want to be tied down, or is it you. Not trying upset you, but he has his reasons. And if you want to talk with him about it, you have to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Focus on hearing what he says and thank him for talking to you. Do not go on auto pilot and get defensive, listen. Take time to think about whatever he says and after a few days approach him and gather your thoughts on a mature level (not attacking him or with loud tones). Let him know you want to support him and how he feels, ask him if he would like to work together and have a heathier relationship. If he says yes, seek help together. Look in the phone books together for counseling (insurance may cover the expense or call abuse lines to get direction). Let him know this is a together decision, not you telling him "you have a problem" he will only get mad and distance himself. If he refuses to work as a couple or talk with you, it is up to you to accept or not accept him for who he is. Unfortunately if you accept behavior that is unhealthy for you, you are are also accepting that behavior for your unborn innocent child.

 

bmorebabe - December 21

Be strong I know it is hard to do but if you are treated badly in this relationship then what makes you think that he wont treat your baby the same way also you do not deserve it. There is hope in single motherhood I am a single mother and I am also low income and I am making it on my own! I know that if I can anyone can! Good luck and God bless.

 

Quanita - December 21

thanx for your replyz. its good to know that many women were in my stuation and made it after all - that gives me hope: )

 

strength101 - December 21

bemorebabe is correct. There a many non-profit organizations that can provide direction and a__sistance. You have options regardless of your finacial or social background. Whatever you do know your options. A person only changes when they want to change and your decision will effect your baby.

 

kathy - December 21

yea u dont want to bring a baby in an unhealthy relationship,, my dad use to be soo mean to my mom all the time, except he would beat her and i dont know he was just very strict on her by telling her what time to go to bed and stuff like that, and every time i saw them fight i would get really sad but at the same time i would get mad at my mom for taking it which led me to not have any respect for her and so i rebelled against her when i was younger. Now that im having a child of my own i would not want to have it with some guy who mistreats me because i know how my child would feel watching it.

 

Ruthie - May 30

I have had several friend in this situation. Let me tell you something girl.. You only live once. You should live it happy. You think you cant take the abuse.. Just wait and see what that kind of thing does to a child. Do you want your son or daughter to have their youngest memories of her parents arguing and fighting.. or.. do you want them to remember a happy home with their mother... Its your choice girl... Be a strong woman.. you can do it on your own. There is so much help out there for single moms. Food, housing, education.. you name it.. Be strong for both your sake.. you will be much happier..

 

to Quanita - May 31

Hey, how are you doing?? you will be fine. i think this is hard. You could move to where im at in oklahoma. its a great safe place. if you want to contact me email me at [email protected] Good luck

 

angel - June 16

what do i need to do when i find out i am pregnant? what all stuff do i have to start like getting a doctor and stuff like taht?

 

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