What To Do Please Help

9 Replies
Riah - September 12

I'm 21 & just found out that I am 2 weeks pregnant by a guy I've only known for 4 months. Well anyway, his actions have shown me he doesn't want to be involved, so in the event I do want to collect child support, how do I go about it? I mean, he just moved and didn't tell me where he moved so I only know his name, date of birth & phone number. Please don't respond with negative comments like "you shouldn't have slept with a guy you don't know enough about..." I am already depressed about the possibility of having to go through this on my own, having a baby by a guy I hate now, him just getting of "scott free" and living his life as if he has no child on the way. Please be kind and give me some positive advice ladies. I also don't know how to tell my parents who are very strict (although I am grown now). They're the type to be like "you litte tramp." How do I tell my judgemental co-workers who are all married with children? I feel so ashamed and am debating on whether or not to keep this baby. Please help!

 

Trin - September 12

Riah, i am so sorry for what you are going thru, i dont know if i am the best person to advice you but i can only encourage you that you are not alone in this situation, i am 9 weeks pregnant, the father wants nothing to do with the baby, he wanted me to abort and i refused, i have not yet told my strict parents and workmates who are mostly married. its like we are in the same situation, but one one thing you have to do is to take courage and believe in God, i believe he has a purpose as to why some things happen to us, lets not think in a box but look at the big picture of life, please do not abort the baby, i have heard many people regret for the rest of their lives, these days when i look at little babies they look so cute and i wish they were mine i know when our babies come they will be the greatest joy we can ever have and we'll be able to forget all the misery we have gone thru. sometimes i cry in my bed why all this had to happen to me, i had known this guy for sometime but Gal sometimes you cannot explain certain things. well if you want to have a chat you can send me mail [email protected]

 

To Riah - September 12

I'm not sure about everything you said as I am not in that situation nor pretend to be, but I can offer you advice on pain in the b___t co-workers... You hold you head up high and tell them 1 - its non of their business and 2 - you are keeping this baby and am going to raise it the best you can - if they can't respect that then they don't need to be talking to you. You, girl are going to be a single mother - something that is all the more special something they will never understand. That's more along the lines of what I would tell them. Don't worry about what your parents would say as well - this is your life. If you are worried about disappointing them, don't be. They will come around and be more proud of you for taking responsibility and raising your child without that drip stick of a bf.

 

- September 12

what do u mean not sure if ur going to keep this baby? do u mean abortion or adoption? please make it clear

 

Aisha - September 12

you have 9 months to think about child support. Dont make this the focus right now. Try to stay relaxed. My childs father was very negative at the beginning and boy did he move around a lot but i always knew hed come around by himself.Let it be for now

 

Tray - September 12

Riah, I am sorry for you and am going through a very similar circ_mstance. Just tell your parents and put it out there like you did us. Let them know you don't need the negative comments and feeling enough stress. As for your coworkers you don't have to tell them anything atleast not anytime soon and by the time they all know you will be so excited about your baby's arrival you won't care what they think. Where I work everyone is married and I seriously considered purchasing a ring to wear. If it makes you feel better get a ring start wearing it so by the time you start to show it won't be many questions asked. But I thought about it again and I don't owe them anything. I know I'm not the first person in here having a child and not married and won't be the last.

 

Tray - September 12

Riah, I almost forgot there are ways of getting addresses when you have the phone numbers, even if you have to pay for them you can find this information out online or if you know a friend of a friend who works for the phone company or is a police. Right now what is important is not to stress. Pray about it there is a reason and a plan for everything and things always get worst before they get better. Take care!

 

colleen - September 12

Riah, try to contact Friend of the Court (or social services in yourcity) and give them all the information you have. Unless the b/f has a very common last name they should be able to find him. Also, if he denies he's the father they will force him to take a paternity test. If he's isn't you pay for the test, if he is, he pays for the test and child support. As far as thinks go with keeping the baby you have to do what's right for you. If you do decide to keep it, find support groups in your area or online, it will help tremenously! Good luck and Bless you!!

 

Riah - September 13

First off... No I'm not giving my child up for adoption! I could never carry a baby for 9 months and give him/her up. Now to the non-adoption trolls-- thank you guys (Trin, Aisha, Tray, Collleen) so much for the positive comments and good advice! I truly thank you. You girls don't know how much I needed that. I'm still trying to get over the fact that this guy doesn't want to be involved. It really hurts. I didn't meet my father until I was 14, so I swore I'd be happily married before I had children and now look at me... pregnant and alone. I guess I do have 9 months before I should be worrying about the child support thing huh? It's definitely his baby so I'm not worried about the paternity test. I'm just worried that I won't be able to find him when that time comes, you know. About my co-workers, I have truly thought about buying myself a ring and acting as if me and this guy are ingaged, I don't know. I mean they've seen him, met him and what? Now I tell them "oh I told him I was pregnant and he wants nothing to do with me now." No way that is too embarra__sing. I don't even want to think of telling my parents. I'm not going to tell them until I start to show (maybe 5 months). Ugh! What is a girl ta do?

 

Aisha - September 13

Do what you need to do. If letting them think that hes there for you makes it easy for you then do it. I told my coworkers that i had got married and he was living out of state for now. Shoot I did what I felt i had to do. I know we have this ideal of what its going to be like. I was married for 7 yrs and have kids from that so I never saw myself single and pregnant ever but I stopped beating myself up about it and just said its ok to cry..which I did a lot of and its ok to feel everything that i feel. I didnt tell my mother till i was 32 weeks pregnant if that makes you feel better :-). The child support thing is easy. If you get medicaid then they will contact him and nowadays they wont even do a dna if they do it administratively. That means that they tell him he has to come for a test and if he doesnt turn up then they automatically designate him the father but my advice to you is not to claim any money through the government because you wont get all the CS that you should get. DOnt fret in any event. This is too special a time to spend it hurt...you know what i mean. Peace!

 

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