Any Advice Appreciated

5 Replies
Monique - September 21

I don't know what to do.... I am three weeks late and my pregnancy test came back positive. When it happened, I burst into tears because I realize that I made a horrible mistake. To get to the point, I participated (voluntarily) in a group s_x situation -- I'm not going to get into the details because I'm not hear to turn you on but to give background. Basically, I was extremely bombed (not on drugs but on alcohol) and a situation presented itself where basically everyone was sleeping with everyone else. I thought it was a very cool thing to do at the time but after it was over, I questioned my sanity and realized that I had a serious problem with being rational when I am drunk. All I can say is that there were multiple men involved and initially condoms were involved but as things went on, I lost my mind and just threw all caution to the wind. Still, I felt that I could be OK just this once and was praying that nothing would go wrong but it has. I want to know if anyone else has been in the same situation where multiple s_x partners are involved and you are just unsure who is the father - how do you deal with this? The only thing I do know for sure is that I cannot continue with this pregnancy and am getting an abortion. If I knew who the father was, I might try and work out something or at least tell them but I can't bring a child into this world and tell him this story... also, what am going to do -- put an ad in the campus newspaper and cause a scandal? Carrying the baby is not an option --I am a college student, on a partial scholarship and live in the dorms. I would loose everything -- not to mention the support of my parents and the respect of my family. I just can't let this happen. I have considered counseling but really just wanted to feel a bit better about myself -- if I knew I was not the only one in this situation I think it would help convince me I am making the right decision.

 

Viv - September 21

You're going to get a bunch of hateful mail on this. Do your best to put it aside. Let me offer you a social Darwinism perspective. Your lifetime goal is to get your genes into the next generation, and give then the best push start you can. Can you best achieve this by dropping out of college and becoming a single mom, by having the child adopted, or by terminating and having another child at a more opportune time? Write me at [email protected] if you wish. Let me also say that out of a dozen college men, at least two of them have a communicable STD which you have exposed youself to. This has been a hard learned lesson, and I am sure your behavior will change as a result. One of the things I hope you will do is use spermicidal inserts before s_x, so that when the condom thing gets out of hand, you have some backup protection. Jesus loved sinners. He was not so easy on stone throwers.

 

Belinda - September 22

I don't know what to say... I were you, I'd consider abortion as well. You don't seem like you're doing too well and you need some counseling for certain. Please take care of yourself and good luck with what you decide.

 

Amber - September 22

Get checked for STD's, I think that abortion is a good choice in this situation. From now on, make sure that you get on the pill or something. As it is almost impossible to remember to use condoms in situations. Be careful. And remember that abortion is not birth control, but a last resort.

 

Shorty - September 22

Monique, wether you like it or not, you got yourself in this situation. I know it sounds harsh but just because you were intoxicated does not mean that you are not responsible for your actions. I can understand if you were forced apon or it was without consent, but it seems like you willingly participated in a group orgy, which drunk or not, is not safe. If these are the type of friends you are hanging around with, I think that its best that you get away from that group quick smart!!!! HAving multiple s_x partners at once is really immoral and dangerous... just as in your situation... if you end up pregnant.. which one is the father??I hope you have learnt from this and I would seek some councelling to explore your options. But you need to own this mistake, and whatever you try and do to rectify it, you will neeed to live with that too. It is never an easy choice and either way you look at it, there will be consequences. All the best and please please PLEASE be smarter next time.

 

oklahoma - September 22

I was not in the same situation, but didn't know who the father initally was. Let me explain a little to you. I was dating someone for a year, and he broke my heart, and played head games. Someone I had dated a couple of years prior started coming around, and I ended up getting pregnant. Since the dates were so close together, I didn't know who the father was. I went through with the pregnancy, and ended up gettig paternity testing done. After the fact I wish I would have never known. It didn't make a difference. The biological wasn't in the picture anyway. I ended up meeting someone who fell in love with my daughter when she was 4 months old. We recently finalized the adoption a couple of months after our 2 year wedding anniversary. It's not the same situation, but I hope it helps. I thought I would lose the respect of my family also, but my daughter has brought everyone closer. I was only 18 when this happened, and for a while I didn't think I could deal with it, but now I couldn't live a day without her. You should see a counselor and talk more about your options. Also, Viv is a very smart woman. Take her advice and talk to her. If you read any posts on here you will notice she is one of few women who aren't judgemental. Good luck, and everything will work out.

 

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