As I Reach Toward God

34 Replies
young n stupid - February 5

so i call her tonight and she doesnt answer, for the 3rd time tonight, so i leave a message threatening to tell her mother about the baby, and she calls me back almost immediately, so i know she is ignoring me, and i ask her whats up and after some prying i find out "some other guy likes her" n after i talk to her a while, n tell her she needs to just go be with him (this isnt the first time she has given me reason to not trust her) she starts saying i dont wanna be with him, but it's obvious she just doesnt want to lose her fall back, i just ignore her when she tells me she loves me, cuz she did it to me when i called her earlier. so i let her go, and then i start to break down, how did this happen to me? (im also thinkin of all the financial squeezes im in) i hit my chest as hard as i can right where my heart is, i dont know why, but it makes things better for the moment, then i really break down and fall on the floor and reach toward god and ask him to carry me, cuz i cant do it anymore, i feel as if he is just standing in the distance, looking as if he wants to, bt he just cant, i beg, but he still feels the same as i lie there on the floor feeling as demons are eating at my soul, i feel as i want to die, i am thinkin of all the ways i could do it, it would be so easy. but then i remember my unborn child needs me, and im too much of a man to leave him/her in this big world alone, so again i break down and reach toward god, but still he wont pick me up, im dying inside and i dont know what to do, god wont carry me and no one will help me. and so i ask, what do u do. i would give anything to take my life, if only i knew my kid would live happily without me. what do i do, what do i do, im dying inside god, what do i do, but he doesnt answer. im tired of my shitty life im tired of my mistakes. im tired of everything, i do everything to fix my life and it only gets worse. i need a drink, and a ciggarette, and a shotgun. what do i do. im sick of this bull shit.

 

mosley12 - February 5

i dont know your whole story, but just remember everything happens for a reason. before i had my ds i lost my faith badly, than when i got pregnant, i just fell even more into the how can god let this happen to me, but the moment i saw my son, all my faith came right back to me. i knew god sent him to me, someone so perfect, when i needed him most. its hard now, but just remember god is always watching out for you, even if he seems he isnt

 

Rachel - February 5

I just posted on your other question, but reading this it just makes me wonder, and please don't take this the wrong way, but if this isn't the first time she's given you reasons not to trust her, are you for absolutely sure that this baby is yours? She seems a bit immature (I mean, she's only 15) but you need to tell her its time to grow up now, she's going to be a parent in a few months.

 

lunamoo - February 5

STOP WITH THE DRAMA!!!!!! This is beginning to sound like another fake. It starts off as a fairly reasonable story then it gets to ma__sive self-pity etc. You lost me buddy. Sorry.

 

apr - February 5

I actually wrote yesterday on his other post that it seems like a fake to me and then I got a reply...but this one seems far too dramatic for a 15 year old... 15 year olds are just kids. maybe its tony castro lol. he was writing here about people should kill themselves hmmm

 

young n stupid - February 5

no it is quite real, im sry, i was under a whole lot of stress, i woke up late for school this mornin and she writes me a text telllin me to bring her a shirt cuz her b___b leaked milk, haha, thats funny, i diddnt know that cud happen this early

 

apr - February 5

she's lying. Do me a favour. No milk can leak THAT early. Personally, I dont think any woman leaks during pregnancy. I bit of milk may come out but definetely not at 12 weeks. I may be wrong, but with my little experiance after one baby... I would say its rather early... Are you sure the baby is yours? And are you 100% sure she is not lying about being pregnant at all? Have you seen an ultrasound or blood results? If you are thinking about suicide then you should go for help. Sorry I though you were 15. It sounded that way from the post.

 

abriamiacadia - February 5

a la contraire, b___bs can leak when your pregnant, from what I've heard. My mom's did when she was ALOT farther along though. She bent down to pick something up, and stood up and looked down and had two big wet spots. Im not entirely certain it can start THAT early tho...I guess its just...a different person's body..they are all different.

 

mummy2paris - February 5

i leaked during my pregnancy from about 19 weeks

 

Jessika2007 - February 5

all I can say is trust God and he will show you the way and believe that things do happen for a reason and God does let things happen for a reason good or bad God is in controll of the world but people are in controll with what they are as a parent or a person in sociaty, we gotta take responcibility in life and I don't know your situation but from the sounds of it its like you want to call out for God to help you and he you think he does'nt hear you but he does and he knows your pain your hurt your sorrow your voice but maybe you should try to listen for a change listen to God cause he could be talking to you but you might not be listening..... but one thing we all gotta know is that Christ did die on the cross for each and every one of us because he loves us so much he loves us so much that he died for our sins and alot of people fail to realize that Jesus is they way the truth the life and them who believe in him should not parish but have everlasting life, just concentrate on the important things in life but always remember to put God First and everything else he will put together and concentrate on being a good father wheather you and this girl are together, and always remember people will come in and out of our lives but Jesus and God are always there for life no mtter what he loves you and loves your unborn baby so just trust him

 

aamaria - February 6

never heard so much utter bollocks in all my life (first and last post)

 

Skyeblue - February 6

Does someone have a kleenex...? I think I am going to lose it.

 

apr - February 6

haha

 

tyler0323 - February 6

it sounded like a novel i was reading. But first what you have to do is get your head on straight. You need to stabalize your life emotionaly before you can focus on the baby coming. You need to talk to someone, a councelor, a friend, family, anyone. You want to be here for your baby, then you need to straight up first. If god isnt helping you, then reach somewhere else, like your mom. They always have advice. Second, you should confirm the pregnancy, go buy a preg test for her and get her too take it in front of you, or go with her to the doctors. As for Jessika2007, i dont mean to rain on your beleif, but God isnt in control of the world, we are, we make choices and we live with them, and the choices people make is what the world turns out to be. That is on us

 

Rhiannon - February 6

young n stupid. very fitting name.....grow up and stop reading your sylvia plath, or listening to your pathetic, "oh woe is me" sad rock and maybe you could focus on school.

 

young n stupid - February 6

OH N THE BEST PART, SHE COST ME THE JOB I HAD JUST GOTTEN

 

aamaria - February 6

hmm "alone" strikes again

 

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