Begging For A Baby

16 Replies
allie - December 16

im 18, and my bf is also 18. we have been together for 2 years. we both work, go to school, and have our own apt. and stuff like that. but i really want a baby. ive been begging him for one for a while now... ive wanted one for longer, but didnt tell him earlier, so he wouldnt freak out. now he's really upset with me. says he doesnt want one, and that i should wait until he is ready to have one. but i dont know if im being selfish, to say that i want one... everything works only on his schedule-we moved in together when he wanted to, not when i would have liked to, we wont get married til he wants to, and now the baby thing. my question is if it is too selfish of me to want a baby, when he keeps telling me no. i feel kinda like he's dictating the relationship. thanks for ure imput!

 

angel - December 16

hi my name is angel .... kinda in your situation..... ive been with my bf only 3 months but he doesnt want to get married and he doesnt want to have kids with me :( and having a baby is really important to me.... and it hurts becasue i have to do everything his way and i dont get any imput at all :( so as for me im thinking abaout going... but for you well all i can say is search ur heart... what is really important to you? and is he just young and scared or trying to control you? my email is [email protected] if u ever want to talk good luck...

 

to allie - December 16

In some ways you are being mature and in some way you are not.I would suggest wait one year then write down on paper what you did for that year.How a baby would have changed that.If you would have missed out on everything.Also figure out your monthly budget including daycare,necessity's,and all other cost that goes along with a baby.You do sound a bite selfish right now but it is never a good ideal to get pregnant when only one of you wants to.At any age.Remember a baby turns into a active two y/r old then a rebelious preteen.

 

allie - December 16

i know, that a baby turns into a toddler, teen ect... ive actually been thinking about having a baby for a long time, over 2 years now, and i just didnt know he would be so against it. and sorry for the pickiness with "i want one" what else am i supposed to say?! jeez. and i never said it was an "accessory" u thought that one out on ure own darlin. jeez. anywho, for the two who actually helped me out thank u... if theres anyone else with imput, please let me know. thanks

 

tam - December 16

hes not ready to be someones dad yet give him time wait a few years when you have more to offer a baby like a house, a yard. start working on those things now and even he would be excited about a baby

 

don - December 16

If you come back with such a immature response to a reasonible suggestion then I don't think you are ready for a baby.You can't make him want a baby.If you do not want the same things then maybe you shouldn't be together.You at different points in your life and you should be with someone who wants the same thing.You waited two years,what is anther few years?

 

sara - December 16

Sweetie,you three choices.One,wait until he is ready.Second,move on with someone else.Third,go behind his back,get preg and have him resent you for a long time.Number three is the immature one.The first and second are mature.The words"I want"is what a spoiled child would say.If you know a baby turns into a child then there are other ways to get your baby/child fix.There are lots of ways to incorperate yourself into the life of a child.ex big sister,nurse at childerns hospital or volunteer work.But you are 18 you know everything right.

 

Natalie - December 16

if you think about it, you obviously have been ready well in advance of him being ready, so it will feel like you have to wait for him to decide. but really you should see it as your waitingfor him to get to the stage of being ready like you are. you woldnt want to be rushed into things you odnt want and niether does he (dont mean to sound harsh or anything)

 

allie - December 17

im 18, and i dont know everything, what makes u think that sara? otherwise, i wouldnt come on this site to ask about the THINGS I DONT KNOW. im just sad that he has no interest in having a baby. he really doesnt... and told me that he wouldnt want one for, AT LEAST, another 10 years. this is not a guy not being ready to be a dad, he just doesnt want kids. im thinking of breaking up with him. it will kinda' break my heart, all the things that i imagined with him... he's a really great guy, but i cant not have children, that would kill me. now what do i do? call me whatever, selfish, immature (though u dont know the half about my life) and stupid, know-it-all... but right now i dont care, im sad, scared, and lonely. i moved here to make our relationship go longer, and now it just dies????

 

Natalie - December 17

i dont think you should leave your partner. he obviously isnt ready to have a family, and the fear of having a family may have caused him to feel like he doesnt want one for at least 10 years. however, in a year or so he may change his perception of children and really want to have one. fear can warp the mind. if you really love him, dont leave him, just talk to him without pressure. dont let him go because you want a family and right now he doesnt feel ready, because you never know, in a few months he could be ready to start a family. hes not trying to dictate your relationship, he doesnt want to ruin it by doing things when he is not ready and therefore becoming resentful. remember he is still very young and so are you, so its normal for him to not feel ready to start a family at 18 years of age, and think to himself, i dont want kids for 10 years, but he may change his mind in the near future when hes had time to finish being a young lad

 

sara - December 17

When you are 28 you will relize how silly and immature you sound at 18.It is only a insult because of your age.I would have said the same thing.The older you get the more you learn you relize you didn't know as much as you thought.Just a note,At 18 I was mature had my own appartment and most people don't go thruogh one third of what i did in their whole lives.I have been poor,slept in a car for a week,never had anyone believe in,zero family(that is just the begining) and this still rings true for me.(I've overcome all of the this with little to no scaring)

 

terri - December 17

Allie, I would say that you should wait until your boyfriend wants the baby.. I know that after we had our first child my bf did not want anymore children and now that my son is turning 6 in march we are 38 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. my bf wanted this pregnancy and this was planned and it felt good knowing how bad each of us wanted this. just imagine getting bigger and wanting to show those pregnancy moments with a bf that didnt want the baby yet to start with...

 

hey - December 17

wshy don'tcha get a cabbage patch kid? they're cute and for your age group!

 

Olivene - December 18

It's just how things work- not that he's necessarily calling all of the shots. The person in the relationship who is ready for any life changes first always has to wait for the other person to get ready. It just happens that way. It would be nice if both people were ready at exactly the same time, but it isn't realistic. I was ready to marry my husband before he was ready to be married. Also, same thing with the baby. We are having one now, though. It is hard to wait, but the person who isn't ready has more say because it is SO important that BOTH parties are ready first. Trust me, you don't want to talk him into it. He has to get there on his own. Your desire for a baby is perfectly natural, but you have plenty of time. I think it is better if the marriage part comes first, too. Good luck. Give it time. There's no rush. You will be so delighted when he is finally ready!

 

Olivene - December 18

Oh... and just because he wants to wait 10 years- until he's 28- very normal age, doesn't mean he doesn't want kids, but you have some thinking to do about whether or not that's something you can wait for.

 

Sara - December 18

When you go through that much it is all the more reason not to have a child so young.That is a even bigger reason to relax and enjoy yourself.I have the advange of looking back ten years.

 

sara - December 19

I was really tired last night.I thought I would come back today.I know where you come from.When I said that was just the begining I ment it.I raised my sister from 10 years old to 18 and if you have a empty space in your heart because you are not around her anymore that is the worst reason to have a baby.Like I said before there are other healthier way to fill that void.The same thing that makes you mature enough and ready for the responsibity is the same reason you show wait longer.Having experence you will be a good mother at any time but if you wait you will be happier with where you are in life personaly.It is important and healthy to find yourself as a person before a mother.It is your life but I speak from experence.Apperently similar situations.

 

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