Can T Be A Dad Help

12 Replies
Steven - December 13

I'm 16 and my g/f is well almost 16. we've been together about a year and a 1/2. she just told me a couple days ago that she's pregnant. a couple months ago we thought she was pregnant and we were wrong but we were both really excited and stuff. we knew it would be hard but we knew we had to do it anyway. now i'm so confused. I know she doesn't agree with abortion and I don't think I want to do adoption but I can't have this baby. five months ago I wanted this more than anything but now I don't. i have to start focusing and concentrating on baseball and school more. that's what I wanna do for my life and for her and our kids when we get older but in order for me to do that, I can't get distracted right now. if we have this baby then I know I won't be able to focus 100% on baseball and be there 100% for the baby and my g/f at the same time. she knows that I'm all about baseball and stuff and she supports it but now she's just angry cause that's the only reason I don't want this baby right now. we both know that we're too young and need to be responsible about it but she wants to be responsible in the way that I can't right now. what am I supposed to do? i don't want to break up with her and ruin everything, cause I know that she would end up keeping the baby and not let me in anywhere. she's already told me that if i'm not there throughout the whole pregnancy then I won't be there afterwards. which I agree with, I understand where she's coming from. but I don't want to give her the oppurtunity to take my child away if I break up with her. i know I love her and I want to be with her but I can't do this right now, not until i'm done with baseball. our relationship has been great the past couple weeks and everything and this just messes it up and stuff. i need some advice cause i have no clue what to do... sorry it's so long lol

 

shae - December 13

hi i know this is a hard time for you and ur gf. please be extra supportive of her she is going through a lot she is probably afraid youre going to leave her thats why shes so upset. please dont have an abortion talk with your gf also your families.... you can either adopt or keep the baby. if you do what to keep the baby you can still do sports and stuff sure it will be harder but you can still do them.... but you also will need to be there for the baby and ur gf... talk to your family and close people... get advice and i know its scary now but everything will work out

 

Steven - December 13

thanks for the advice shae. we're in a fight right now...i asked her not to tell anyone yet and just let it be about us and she went and told her best friend anyway. i'm really mad so i'm not picin up the phone or anything...this is a mess

 

Grandpa Viv - December 13

I'm sure you know you are coming across real self-centered with your post. Seems like the two of you were on the same page on this project until it was too late to backtrack. If you want to maintain your self respect long term, you will stick with the commitment you have made, even if it means giving up on some of your dreams. The hormones are making her extra emotional right now. She needs all the understanding and support you can give her. Good luck!

 

FF - December 13

I agree with Grandpa Viv. If you were so worried about baseball, you shouldn't have been having unprotected s_x. It takes two to get into a situation like the one you are in, and it will take an enormous amount of maturity, trust, respect, and help for the two of you to make it. Don't be another teen statistic. Get help at a counseling center or church if possible. You'll both need a lot of support and help to get through this. Best wishes.

 

Iya - December 13

Thats what comes with having s_x my friend. If you cant do the time, dont do the crime.

 

seven - December 13

well first off she cant keep your child away from u... you could go to court and be awarded rights to him/her. u dont been to be there 100% percent for her and for basball... split it take it 50-50... me and my boyfriend and trying to get pregnant, i am sixteen and he just turned 19 i know that he wants to focus on his job and on outside things and i am ok with that, as long as he helps out with the child. it may be hard but it could also be rewarding. you were excited about it a few moths ago, think back to what made u so excited then and maybe you wont be so worried now.

 

Steven - December 13

it wasn't unprotected s_x...we used protection, we later found out that it broke. i know it sounds selfish. i just dont want to promise her that i'll be around a lot when i dont know if i will. thats a problem now without a baby. i'm never around when i say i will be...thanks for the advice everyone

 

Jbear - December 13

A child is a lifelong committment. Even if you break up with your girlfriend, you will always have the child as a connection to her. What does your girlfriend want to do about the baby? If neither of you is ready for a baby, then maybe adoption would be your best option. This is going to sound really mean, but anyone who says he doesn't want a baby right now just because of high school ball is too immature to be a parent. If you were saying you were afraid you'd have to drop out of school and get a job to support the baby and your girlfriend, and that's why you didn't want a baby, that would be different. You need to consider your girlfriend's situation, too. Are her parents going to kick her out because she's pregnant? Or are they going to provide for the baby? How are the two of you going to feed and clothe a baby, and buy diapers and a crib, stroller, carseat, all of that stuff? Those are the kinds of things that your girlfriend is thinking about, not baseball. That's why she's mad. This baby will change her entire life, the way the world looks at her. She will have the responsibility for the next 18 years, longer than she has even been alive yet. She has to tell her parents that she's pregnant. You don't have to do any of this stuff if you don't want to...you can play baseball with the rest of the kids and never give the baby a second thought. That's why your girlfriend is mad...you were ready for s_x but now that the consequences are here you want to bail on her.

 

shell - December 13

You may be surprised by your families and their willingness to help you guys out. I had my first at 17, though I thought the same way, so did my b/f, but our parents were there for us and we were able to do what we needed to do to further ourselves. Our daughter is now 15, we've both gone to school and have married with 3 more children. But also here's a bad one for you, my hubby's brother also had a child at 16, he decided not to be a part of her life when she was born, her mom was very selfish but didn't give up the baby. Instead the girl was put through years of abuse by the moms boyfriends until she finally showed up on the dads doorstep with her and told him that it was his turn, she was 6 and he just met his daughter, but she was so screwed up from years of abuse that he ended up putting her up for adoption and having the moms rights terminated. My niece is now 10 and is in the process of finally getting a decent family. Moral of the story: Do the right thing from the beginning, don't step out and then in again many years later.

 

Steven - December 15

thanks for all the replies....i'm trying to talk to her about it but she doesn't tell me anything. she goes and tells her friends before me. she wont explain to me what shes thinking or feeling because she thinks i'll get mad at her. im tellin her i wont but she isnt listening. i told her that if she doesn't want to get an abortion then okay and we can handle it somehow and i'll try my best. and she just looked at me like i was stupid and she doesnt believe that i'll actually help her out even though i say it. she's being difficult now...

 

tam - December 16

if she wants this baby so bad after youve made it clear to her how you feel and considering your age let her have it. stay in school and continue going after your dreams. theres no mother that can keep a child from its father thats the law its called dna test then visitation rights. im sure if your parent knew that she was threaning you and holding this over you verses your education she would be in some real trouble considering theyll be supporting this baby as if it was there own since shes a child herself. so dont worrie shes not the only one with rights to this child you have the same rights

 

tam - December 16

no shes not being diffacult shes looking for sympathy. the problem is that in 5 months youve grown up alittle and relize theres more in life at 16 then being burdoned with a baby. especially when you can have them later and be able to give them something that your mom didnt buy. she wants you to be the same person as you were 5 months ago and thats impossible.

 

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