Dealing With Parents

7 Replies
skinnyminny - April 27

I'm 18, fiance is 20, getting married next year. the parenst don't know yet. We aren't telling any family until he buys the "official engagement ring" silly, but whatever. Anyway. How do I tell my parents that I'm getting married so young, and that I am going to try to concieve shortly after. My mother acts as if I am totally inept and can't even care for myself. She was shocked that i even LIKED children. I don't want to bore everyone with too many details, but basically I DO want their approval and i want them to be happy for me and i want us all to share in this turning point in my life. I don't want to break my parents hearts, i don't want to dissapoint them because my family is important to me, but I'm almost certain it's going to cause big family drama.

 

corinne - April 28

One thing that a lot of people do is have your fiance ask your father for his permission to take your hand in marriage. It shows your parents that he is respectful towards them and has the responsability to do so. And on the baby thing if you plan on waiting until after your married to start trying to conceive there no point in bringing it up right now.

 

frankschick2001 - April 28

My advice would be to have your fiance there when you tell your parents. It will make him look bad if it is just you telling your folks. It will look like he doesn't want to face them or is afraid. Just tell them, and make sure you have valid reasons why this is a good time for you to do this. Not just the usual "because we're in love" story. That won't get you anywhere. I agree with corinne, don't bring the baby stuff into it now.

 

midnight_drift - April 28

I'd say, make them a nice meal, dinner and such, then wait till the right moment, when they have enjoyed themselves, and such, and tell them that you and him plan on getting married. I wouldn't mention you wanting to conceive so early, but maybe tell them once you are, by doing the same thing, inviting them over to your house.

 

Rachel0510 - April 28

I think that at the age of 18, you are officially an adult and very capable of making decisions for yourself. Some may disagree, that's ok. Just let them know that this is what you really want and you really want there approval. I think you'll be ok. Good luck.

 

skinnyminny - April 28

Thanx guys, i had always planned on the two of us telling them together, but just because it seemed right. I hadn't even thought that that may ease their fears a little bit. You put the words to what i was feeling.

 

SerineMali - April 28

Hi Skinnyminny, I'm going to give you advice from personal experience. I got married when I was 18. My husband and I are both in the military and we're 21 now. What I'm about to say is something you shouldn't do. I was so naive and stupid! when I was 18 I didn't tell my parents because I was sooo scared they wouldn't accept my husband because of race isssues and all that. It ended up causing a lot of hurt feelings and an upset mother which I was so close to. We're doing better now, but whatever you decide, don't lie and involve him in the process. It'll only make your relationship better once you're married and decide to start your life. It can be a simple, beautiful wedding, and later in life if you want you can have a more extravagant one. Just remember to do everything with him, he's your partner now and he should be involved. My parents freaked out, they thought I'd go to college, finish my PHd and then have a family, but you know what? I'm doing all that right now and I'm in the military. You can too. just respect yourself and your family. After all they are your family. Trust me when I say there are times you'll want to run to them because you'll have an argument and mom will become your best friend, the one you never knew you had. For me, it was big family drama, especially when my aunt got involved, and it wasn't even her business. There will people that give you a hard time, because they just don't agree...(that's their opinion) Be strong and you'll get up there and prove everyone wrong. I have. Just have to say make you're positively SURE. Married life can be challenging but it is beautiful as well!

 

skinnyminny - April 28

SerineMali, xoxo!

 

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