Fifteen And Wanting A Baby Comment With Advice

15 Replies
Dottie06 - March 14

Okay. So let me start. I am almost fifteen and am thinking about having a baby. My fiance doesn’t graduate till next year(probably wondering why I am engaged so young, I’m very mature for my age) but we thought that he could go to college during the day and I could work during the day, leave the baby with my mom (of course we would pay her) My fiance could work when he gets out of school at like 4 till say 9 just for more money. I do school online and have babysat my pastor’s baby at the same time and it was quite easy. I really want a baby because I have so much love to give and I really don’t think age matters if you are eligible to take care of a baby. Say I work from nine till four everyday. Making nine dollars an hour. That’s 72 dollars a day. That’s around 1400 a month. Enough to pay rent and have money left over. Not including my fiance’s weekend job. I understand a baby is exspensive, takes time, and love. Not like I’m having a baby just to stay with my man, I’ve found him and we want to start a family early. I don’t go out with my friends and party. So I wont have to give up anything. I don’t mind taking my baby to dinner with the girls. I love kids and would never hesitate to take my baby with me anywhere. (as long as it’s a safe enviroment) Well, I just wanna know if you think this is a bad idea. We both have a car I just wont have my license, just my permit, he has his license. I told my mom that we want a baby and she told me I was crazy and would be grounded for life. But she doesn’t undestand how much I want a baby. Looking through the baby department is my favorite in the entire store. I don’t exactly know why or what makes me want a baby so bad. But I do more than anything. My grandfather is getting old and is the most amazing guy I really want my baby to at least say he/she met him. Even though they will never understand what happened around them so young I also want my grandfather to see his great grandchild. I was miss popular get all the guys at my school, before homeschooling and now still now. But I don’t care about that anymore. So who cares if I’ll have a bad rep oh that girl was 15 and had a baby. I want him/her more than anthing. I will listen and take thought into each comment. Of ourse I’m writing this for advice. Not to argue. (: P.S: Sorry if things don’t make sense. I havent eaten breakfast yet. Haha.

 

ivyleaf3 - March 14

Hi Dottie, I understand that you are very mature for your age, and I can see from your letter that you have spent considerable time thinking about this. However, while you may go in with the best of intentions, I think it is a very bad idea. Firstly, your baby will have the best chance in life if you are there to give it lots of love and time. For this to happen, you need to finish your education and spend some time establishing a home with your partner once you finish school. I know you say this is possible with a baby, but you will not be able to devote enough time and attention to either pursuit (mothering or being a student - or working for that matter), and inevitably something will have to give. Secondly, how do you plan to pay for your medical care (pregnancy, hospital, after care and then you and your baby's ongoing medical costs)? Uninsured births start at around $7000, and if you need an emergency c-section or special care nursery or surgery for the baby or any number of complications cost can escalate into the $15-20,000 range. That doesn't include prenatal care. Obstetricians are very expensive to attend, and if you want the best for your baby, you cannot skimp there. This is only skimming the surface of the costs you would face. Even adults with long-term employment have to consider carefully whether they can afford to have a child. Also, if your baby (God forbid) were to be born with some sort of disability and need surgery or full-time specialized care (cerebral palsy is just one example), could you pay for it? Even if your mother has insurance for you, if you become independent, you may not be covered, and your baby almost certainly would not be. Many policies do not include pregnancy at all. In addition, is it fair to expect your mother to pick up the slack when it comes to the care of your baby? Doesn't she need to work herself? Could you possibly pay her enough to compensate for the loss of her career? If she doesn't work, can you guarantee her support? Is it fair to expect her to drop the rest of her life to look after your child, which she advised against you having? Notwithstanding all the costs, I think it is great that you have such a mothering instinct, and I'm sure you will be a great mom someday, but I would REALLY, REALLY recommend waiting. I had my first 2 years ago at the age of 27, after being married for almost 9 years, and even in a long-term relationship, we experienced major stress. Do not underestimate the pressure sleep-deprivation can put on your relationship, your health, your work/study and your personal wellbeing. You and your baby will cope best if you are in a stable place in your life with a good foundation to support you and help you through what is a wonderful but extremely difficult time. I would recommend channeling the nurturing instincts you have into volunteer work. For example, you could make an amazing difference working with disadvantaged children in your community, working at the local women's shelter or helping tutor grade-school children. Alternatively, you could spend more time baby-sitting. Best wishes, Ivy

 

tvc - March 16

Hi Dottie in my opinion I think you are to young to have a baby. I had my daughter when I was 15 im now 19 but it was hard and its still hard. Yes me and my husband are now married but getting through school was hard and now going to college is even a little tougher. I know you expect to have a baby and for he/she to be healthy but its not always like that. My daughter has a condition that she will take meds for the rest of her life. Not to mention my emergency c-section and the 3 weeks she had to spend in the intensive care unit. Its not as easy as you think everything is so expensive and a baby needs alot of attention. Yes I love my daughter very very much but if I could have waited to have her I would have! Remember education is everything finish school and go to college then have a baby.

 

lcortez - March 19

I agree with TVC. I had my son when I was 17 (am now 20) and I felt a lot like you. I had it all planned out and everything was going to work and it didn't. Eventually your parent's wont want to pick up that slack. My mother was only 37 when my son was born, and she didn't want to be a "grandmother" at that age. I think that if your serious about this, and honestly- no one can stop you. That you should atleast consider a plan that depends only on YOU and your man- and even then, have a back up because 18 year old boys are never that mature.

 

Tara B - March 20

Hi Dottie! I think it's great that you already have a motherly instinct and how you are already planning a future with a family. It also seems like you have a great guy in your life :). I know you said you baby sat for your pastor and it was quite easy, but how long was that for? Do you think its going to be the same when you have your own child? I remember when I was a freshmen in highschool I really wanted a baby, but now being 29 pregnant with my sencond due April 9, 2010 I'm glad I waited. I finished highschool, went to college and have been with my fiance for nearly 10yrs now. I had my first child Julia at 26 she will be 3 April 7, 2010. I love her so much and wouldn't trade her for the world, but I have to say it hasn't been the easiest especially the first year. I got no sleep EVER. She cried all the time so much that sometimes I felt selfish for putting her down when I needed to go to the bathroom, take a shower and even eat. I had to go back to work after 4 months of giving birth that was hard also. Can you imagine trying to pick out a daycare provider for your baby? It's not easy either and neither is the cost. I pay $700/month for one child and do not qualify for any gov't a__sistant programs. I thought I would no problem, but don't. Someone said earlier and I agree that you need to make a plan that only you're responsible for and try not to depend on anyone else. It's nice to have a backup plan to just incase. Also, Someone else mentioned the costs of having a baby. Just the hospital bill is expensive alone. I have decent insurance 80/20%. My deductable is $500 and out of pocket maximum is $6000. I had to give them $500 by March 10, 2010 my 35th week in order to have them continue to take care of me. This is not even including the hospital stay. Also, I had to have a c- section with my first daughter and looks like Ill end up having a scheduled c with my son as well. That's a hospital stay of 4 days. I'm sure I will pay the maximum out of pocket expenses. Dottie, no matter what anyone tells you you're going to do what you want. Just know that this is HUGE you are responsible for another persons life for the rest of their life pretty much because it doesn't stop at 18. Not only that you have a relationship with with the future daddy that you have to manage also. It's a big responsibility for anyone let alone someone who hasn't finished school and probably still lives at home with their parents. In my opinion, $1400 gross/mo plus what your fiance is making isn't enough to take care of a baby. Rent will be 1/2 that at least and so will daycare. You have to figure after uncle sam takes his share out its about $1150-$1200. Also, have you ever watched the MTV show 16 and pregnant? It's a good show and in my opinion I think you should watch it then write all the positives and negatives about it. Then watch it again and do the same thing.

 

TheNewTeenMommy - March 22

Hi, I personally do not think it is a good idea, just think I am 15, and 4 months pregnant, and NOBODY but me knows! One day, if you end up pregnant planned, then, your family, will eventually find out, and possibly be embarra__sed, (with any teen mom parents are usually, Disappointed, embarra__sed, etc.) And you are going to have a lot more frustration and questions one day when they found out, even though you sound very mature for your age, your not financially ready for a baby, possibly, mentally ready, but please think about it more, because if you cant handle it financially, then, what are you gonna do? You wont be able to buy formula, diapers, clothes, and more. Try and think about how much money a baby takes up, your parents most likely will NOT want to pay for everything a baby needs, I really understand what its like to want a baby young, but just being pregnant at a young age isn't fun, Try giving it more thought, would your boyfriend know, and agree, could you work, finish school, possibly go to college, and still have time for your baby, you may not get to see your baby as much as you would want, Please give it more thought!!! Good Luck with whatever you choose!! (: Bye!!

 

lunamoo - March 26

Perhaps you have so much love to give a child, but you have no time! If you plan on having a child you should also ideally plan to be a stay home mom for at least a year and then part time after that. How can you babysit AND study on line....?!? Wait my dear until you are in a position to take care of YOUR baby, not your mom, nor a babysitter nor a daycare. I was a teenager and I thought I could do it all, that's all part of growing up. But it takes time to grow up and establish oneself. Good luck

 

INLOVE16_26 - July 6

Best Of Luck :)

 

twinsontheway31 - July 17

Hi, I'm sorry but i think this is a bad choice for you, I am also 15, and pregnant with twins, and as much as i love these babies already, i would do anything to take it all back and for this to happen to me in 8 years when i'm financially, and emotionally ready to have kids. You may be mature, but it takes alot more than being mature to be young and pregnant, and have a baby.

 

Grandpa Viv - July 18

Hugs to all you young ladies who have started a family sooner than planned. For Dottie, please understand that for most of humanity's existence, with life expectancy only 45 years, starting a family at 15 was standard practice. Our instincts have not had time to adjust, which explains your hurry to get started. God gave us smarts to figure this out. The most important task in a woman's life is to have and raise children. You owe it to yourself and your children to do the best job possible. That involves waiting until you have a good education, a marriage, and your own roof over your head. Be patient. Spend as much time as you want looking after the babies of others. GL!

 

123Jacky - July 23

Uhm. Im sixteenn and' im having a baby & i know its gunna be hard. So i consider you not to do it. Trust me in the future your going to be like what was i thinking??? Dont get me wrong i love my baby?. Just wait a lil' hun.

 

shannnamarie - August 22

Hi im Shanna and im 18 and wanting to have a kid but planning on duing it after i get out of highschool do u think its a good thing or bad?

 

Young_Mommy_19 - September 20

Hi Dottie, I'm 19 and ecpecting my first child and I'm scared to death. I feel it would be best for you to wait but if you choose not to best of luck.

 

teenmommy2011 - October 5

heyy so im 15 and pregnant and it wasnt what i thot it would be . im super stressed bcuz now not only do i have to worry about my welk being i have to worry about someone elses . i shoulda waited to get pregnant atleast till i was 18 . now dont get me wrong i love my baby and will do the best i can to provide for him buh being only 15 my best isnt good enough . hunny do you and your fiance a favor and wait . get your high school diploma first . education is the key to you and your baby having a successful life . so for now enjoy your teen years of no responsibilty as long as you can . have as mch fun as you can party it up sweety live your teen years . keep this in mind once you get pregnant you are in for life this isnt something you can put down and walk away from . now i could go on and on about the negatives and the positves buh all in all you should wait .

 

writrgrl1995 - November 15

Hi. I'm totally with you on the who baby department in the store thing baby clothes are so cute :) I also know what it's like to be way more mature than your peers. I'll be fifteen next month n im a freshman in high school but i am much more mature than most of my friends, as im sure u r 2. Howevr, u might want 2 make sure that this is what u really want to do. I cant wait to have a baby either but im going 2. u just cant no how ul feel once the babys arrived until it does arrive, n theres nothin rong with givin ur love to other ppl like friends and fam. I wont tell u not to get pregnant til ur married but i do think u shud considr it. Do whats right for u.

 

god_girl_2011 - December 15

Please think long and hard about it first! I am sixteen and I am having trouble dealing with the fact that I found out I was due to have my first baby in May 2o11. It would be easier for you as it's planned and you are in a stable relationship. If you think you're ready then go ahead. If you are mature enough to be engaged at fifteen then you must be mature enough to be a parent.

 

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