Former Teen Mom Now Becoming A Grandmom From My Teenager

16 Replies
Hotsawcer1 - October 13

It sounds like there are a lot of teenagers posting on this site. I was a teen mom 18 years ago and I did want different for my daughter but it didn't happen. When she told me she started crying so i just told her I would be there to support her no matter what her decision. I can't fidgure out what she wants from me. One day she wants me at the Dr. appts the next she dosent want me in her life. My mom disowned me. I didn't want her to feel that way but it's like all she wants from me is $ and clothes? From you other teens what should a mom do?

 

Melissa - October 14

I think you seem like a wonderful mother....but i also think your daughter is taking advantage of you. If I were you I would support her emotionally and be there for her......but i wouldnt give her money. I would ask her what she needs and then get if for her if she was nice......and when i say "need"...i mean the essentials...food(groceries), underwear and maybe anything baby related. If she wants to have money for her personal use..she'll have to work for it. Be tough and be strong...don't let her walk all over you. Take care and Good luck...by the way...how old is your daughter?

 

Rachel - October 14

I'd tell her to get a job

 

To Rachel - October 14

She is pregnant - why shoudl she go and get a job? Noit that anyone would employ a pregnant woman anyways!

 

Sarah M. - October 14

My mother was also a teen mother. Now she is going to be a grandmother to a teen mother. My sister is 19 and pregnant and totally takes advantage of my mom. Any time my mother won't do what she wants she tells her that she doesn't want her in her life then. So far my sister has said that my mom can't be in the room when she gets her first ultrasound thingy. My sister says it's because it's 'easier' to just have her bf in there. My mom is SO upset and I am really ticked off and ashamed that she is my sister. Not because she is a teen but because of how she is acting. I can't say anything to her because she never listens to a word anyway. She's just so angry all the time and has been for years but I can't figure it out - Our mother never beat her, or drank, or left her alone, or didn't but her something she wanted or needed. Brit (my sis) has no reason to be so angry! Mom calls me crying, upset.. afraid that she raised my sister wrong but I tell her - how can it be your fault? People grow up to be how they want to be. All you can do is give them the tools to make their own way and they have to decide what is right and what is wrong. You can't make her be a good person. I didn't grow up to be a bad person - I respect my mom and I love her; she is my best friend... But my sister is completely different. It just happens I guess. I don't know what to tell you, I can't even solve this problem for my own mother. >< But I wish you the best and I hope things work out good for you.

 

Sarah M. [EDIT] - October 14

buy - not but. ><

 

- October 14

Mary, the originator of this post didn't ask for your opinion on her life. Nor did she ask for you to help her place blame. She's looking for advice in a difficult situation, and posts such as yours aren't helpful. Hotsawcer - I'm sorry, I don't know how to properly answer your question, I think all I can give is bland advice. All I can say is that I remember being a teenager, and I had the same sort of reaction towards my own mother; one day I wanted her support, the next day I wanted her to bugger off and leave me alone (because I was grown-up, dammit! Well, that's what I thought, anyway...) Maybe you could try to continue being supportive in as far as you're not going to kick her out and you'll make sure she gets all the care she needs, but you could also show her that if she wants a baby she needs to be responsible. If she's old enough to get a job, cut off your funding - stop giving her money and buying her clothes - force her to be self-sufficient. If she wants to have this baby, and you want to help her, you're going to have enough to deal with, without trying to pay so your daughter can continue her current lifestyle. It would be hard to change how you act, but it would be beneficial to your daughter in the long run.

 

Sarah M. - October 14

You have to admit that, leading by example or not, at about 12-13 these children begin developing their own personalities and traits/flaws. BS leading by example. My mother was a teenager hen she had me but my sister is almost five years younger than me.. So when my mom had her she wasn't a teenager anymore. And BS leading by example because my sister and I are completely different but raised just the same. We were shown respect and given honor. Our mother loves us and we wanted for nothing. She was a single mother (by divorce when I was three) - she worked three jobs and sometimes went without food just so that we could eat. If it were ONLY leading by example then my sister would understand that you need to work for your money and that no matter how hard it is sometimes, things that need doing need to be done. AND as for smoking - My mother has never smoked and yet both my sister and I are smokers. The truth is we got it from peers just like a bunch of these girls want to get pregnant because their friends are. It's very rude of you to come here and start placing blame specifically in the parent and especially in this one. She is supporting her daughter - offering to help her and this child is taking advantage of her. Alot of the girls on here would give anything to have a parent offer support and try to help them.

 

....... - October 14

Who cares if you are pregnant....that is not an excuse not to work!...unless you have health issues.I agree with Rachel......this teenage girl probably isnt going to get into a job thats a career...but she could easily wotk somewhere like a bookstore...or in retail and make money. Dont use being pregnant as an excuse not to work...i am disgusted by that!

 

Rachel - October 14

I wouldn't give her money or clothes. You can support her by being there for doctor's appts etc, but she is never going to learn to support herself and a baby if she thinks she can go running to mummy every time she needs something. Tell her that is what being a parent is about....being responsible and taking care of your child.

 

to ......... - October 15

What employer would employ a pregnant woman?

 

..... - October 17

Like I said b4....she isnt going into a career...just helping out w/her expenses. i doubt a candy shop or a book store is going to give a rip if she is pregnant..those kind of places dont expect people to stay for the long haul anyways...its not like she needs to land a job at a hospital....or a company where she needs to work around the clock and is an a__set ..give me a break. Just saying "what employer would employ a pregnant woman" and not even trying is irresponsible. So do you think it is fine that she mooches off her mom and doesnt take responsibility for her actions?....If i were her mother this child would be going out everday to submit applications...and by the way...she need not tell anyone she is pregnant. It is none of the employers business wether a potential employee is pregnant or not. They can learn that in due time. It is discrimination to not hire someone because they are pregnant......but that is another matter completely.

 

m - October 17

Hello Hotsawcer1 Remember the first thing about her wanting you there then the next day not, she's hormonal, and unfortunately, she's going to be like this for the whole time. She could get a job, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and I started my job at 8 weeks. And they are letting me stay till I can't work anymore, and want me to come back after the birth. As my mother can not wait to be a grandmother, she wants to babysit as much as possible and having me working sometimes, means that she'll get to spend time with her grandchild. You say that it seems like all she wants is money and clothing. If she has nothing to have taken away, then she has everything to gain. If you can get her to get a sit down job, she will then be earning money that will make her realise that it doesn't grow on trees and will make her appreciate what your doing. You could just let her go, but that wont solve anything. Just encourage her to do something to fill in the time, and earn some money, even if it is only a little amount. I hope things get a little easier.

 

Senseful - October 17

How mature is your daughter and is she fit to be a mother? the answer to these questions can help you find the answer you are looking for. I see in your post that your daughter is 18 so i think you should give her a little space. don't totally knock her out of your life but give her a little breathing room. Beyond that i don't know what your daughter needs. It may be hard but try talking to her mother to mother.

 

Kam - October 17

I am a teen mother...i am 19 and now about to have my second child. I now live on my own but when i was preg with my first i lived at home with my parents. My parents were wonderful people who were by my side day and night, my father even slept in my twin bed for the last two months so i could be next to my mom. But i had the worst mood swings ever and somedays i would cry for hours on my moms shoulder and felt as if my world had crashed around me and she was my light at the end of the tunnel. On other days i would be so upset and unhappy, with myself, with my dreams, with my friends that had abbandoned me, everything and my mom was ALWAYS standing there...and i was selfish enough to take everything out on her. I feel bad and regret it now, but at the time *you would know* i just had so much going on that i couldn't release that anger in a healthy way. I thank my mom everyday for being my solid rock and putting up with me for the 9 months, so take everything she does with a grain of salt one day she'll realize how much you have done for her. Trust me, you and your daughters relationship will only build stronger as you stand by her. I hope for the best for you and your daughter.

 

Not Right - October 18

Just because she's pregnant does not mean she can abuse you emotionally. You tell your mother to get out of your life. I don't care how hormonal you are, you don't disrespect your mother. You have to show her responsibility, and make her work for it. Meaning if she's spending more time at home, let her clean up, do the laundry. If you let her take advantage of you know, your going to be the kind of teen grandmother who stays at home babysitting while their daughter is out in the clubs.

 

T - October 18

Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you can't work, I work at a fast food place, Taco Bell. This summer my boss hired a girl knowing that she was pregnant, she just put work limitations on her, like you can't stretch to reach anything, be very careful at all times, and ask others for help if you need to do something that you can't. I don't know if I am or not, I keep taking tests, but they keep coming back neg. My fiance thinks that I am, I'm starting to get a tummy, and if I am I'm due late April or early May. My parents are Catholic, so I don't want to tell them that I think I might be... I've been having my period, on time like I should be but they are shorter and a whole lot lighter, but back to the topic, I think she should get a job, and I wish I could count on my mother to be like you. However, I've been taking care of myself financially since I turned 16 and I even started taking care of my little sister, so even though I am young, I'm not too worried about not being able to support myself and a baby. I just wish that my parents wouldn't yell and freak out when I do get around to telling them...

 

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