Freaking Out-pg122932366761

9 Replies
V9653 - December 15

Okay so you guys may have noticed how I stay vague about my situation and some of you know why. Well I have been paranoid about my son's father. He had left and got married and I finally felt safe. Well today one of my old friends who lives in town contacted me asking B's father's name. I told her and asked why (paranoid). Well her cousin just had a baby by him. HE'S BACK IN TOWN! What's worse is that a few weeks ago I could have sworn I saw him when me and B were taking a walk but I took comfort that I was crazy because he was supposed to be halfway across the world (not good at geography so I may be wrong). Well it totally could have been him. I'm freaked and panicked and p___sed and seriously just have mentally checked out. I feel so claustrophobic that all I want to do is slit my wrists. I looked at my son and felt like screaming. How am I going to explain this weird situation to him when he is older. Now I don't have my ex around and he always made me feel safe. It's like as long as I have others around and am living my life, B's dad is threatened by that and goes off, but if he learns I'm alone and vulnerable, he'll strike again. It's all too much and right before christmas. Girls I'm really freaked, it's not good. I'm really scared and panicked and I'm scared that my brain is in one of those panicks that causes people to jump out of skysc__pers. HELP! I know I usually have it together but I'm a mess and have no one to turn to. No one understands and maybe you guys won't. I don't know.


V9653 - December 15

Oh and I might add, he has a thing for vulnerability, he likes 19, 20 year old girls. Well this poor girl who just had his baby is barely 20! Just to add the pervert creepo factor. The guys crazy!


bellybubble - December 15

Hey V I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so scared and freaked out! I dont really know what I can say to make you feel a bit safer - probably nothing, but just know that you have people you can talk to here. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you - I hope someone here can give you some better advice then me. x


amanda17 - December 15

Go somewhere! Come to my house!!


durante baby - December 15

Im am sorry to hear you are going through this right now..Have you considered getting a room mate or a family member to come and temporarily stay with you? Maybe it would help you, make you feel a little more protected against him.


AddyAndVictoriasMommy - December 15

I'm so sorry. YOu should get a restraining order as soon as humanly possible.. :( If you could, I'd tell you to come live with me LOL.


V9653 - December 16

Bellybubble-thanks so much, you have no idea how much just your kindness helps. Amanda-trust me I've considered so many different countries, but....I've already almost completely emptied my bank accout for christmas. DB-the only family I have here is my mom-crazy alcoholic, and my sister-has her own family plus we're only just getting friendly again because I met my son's dad over at her house. They were friends with him and convinced he was the nicest guy ever and something was wrong with me and I was b__wing things out of proportion! You guys have no idea how much just your friendship means to me, and God don't start with the come here stuff, I might just do it! LOL! I'm tempted and when the flashbacks come, I'm not rational!!!! No I panicked today and answered a text to my ex and he pretty much started to talk to me about it but was at work and told me he'd call me back after work.......ummm still holding my breath on that one! It hurt but I hurried up and got over it-I got stir crazy and took Baker to Walmart to hang out (at like 9:30 pm). I'm a bad mom for that on because it was 9 degrees out, but I HAD to get out or I would have been a worse mom. I just have all of these different feelings about all of thesee situations that have occurred and I have no way of getting them out. I don't know who to talk to about them because some people would think one feeling is saying I'm jealous of my son's father, and some people would say I just need to stop looking for things to stress about! Real helful eh? This all just suck but I'm just praying that this man doesn't come bothering me or my son! I know people feel like he should see his father, but his father only wants to see him to use him to fit into the little sob story he tells everyone. If he has no one to show off to then he doesn't have anything to do with him. I mean I just found out he's been here 10 months and I'm just hearing about it. He paid child support for the summer (he's the one who brought all this to court) and that has stopped. Their about to instate a withholding of income on him because he won't continually voluntarily pay. They have the same birthday and last year he was here for b's birthday-my son got nothing. He canceled all visitations around his birthday. My son used to get sick almost every visitation, he's been left hungry from the time he was 2 months on these visits, he's been left in exploded diapers, left on the cold wood floor crying, etc etc. So yes I am one for a child knowing their father, but this isn't the case here, plus I don't knw how i'd explain to B about his father and when his father is around it messes with my head to the point that I can't even look at my baby the same way. I've gotten through the freakout of getting pregnant the way I did by convincing myself that this is my baby, no one else's. When he comes along making out like it's his baby, all the flashbacks come and my body almost tries to reject my son. It's like seeing monster blood in him. Oh God I feel horrible for saying that. I hope you guys understand what I mean. I love my son soooooo much, it's just all of these conflicting feelings and emotions and they stem from his dad and what happened, not from my son!


amanda17 - December 16

In all serious, V, I think you should get away from there. It really seems like you have so many problems with the people you know that its time for a fresh start. It would be better for you and your son if you moved away. You can't live in fear all the time :\


AddyAndVictoriasMommy - December 16

Oh V I am so sorry, you must be sick with fear and everything. You really SHOULD get away, and as far as you can. If I could I would totally and whole heartedly pay for you to come stay with me for a few weeks.. if it wasn't Christmas and if it wasn't for Victoria being here hopefully by tomorrow. You should try and honestly stay somewhere else, go visit a family member, something to get your mind off all this. I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do for you.


durante baby - December 16

V- I think right now you should ignore his text ignore his calls! think about changing your number. Focus on have a great x mas with your son...all this may sound hard but really it is so easy. Consider a TPO, after the holidays work on saving up money and either move to a different place where he doesnt know where you live, or a different city or state. You really sound like you need a fresh start on life just you and your son....right now no contact with him would probably be best for you, out of sight out of mind. I dont know the whole story but i do know it takes a long time to heal mentally. the only way you can start the healing process is to start it on your own. I think things like changing your number is a great start to a healing process!



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