HERES SOME ADVICE TO PEOPLE THAT ARE CONSIDERING ADOPTION

14 Replies
Zia - August 18

Ok. First of all, don't just listen to everything tthe people that want to adopt your child tell you. They'll say anything to be able to adopt your child. You have to really research and know what they're actually like. And also, don't just give your child to them just because they have money. I was adopted, and I guess that my mom thought that she had chosen the right people just because they had money. Well, they work all the time, and they pretty much ignore me. I basically was raised by a bunch of different nannies. You need to get an open adoption so that your child can get to know you. My birthmom never came to see me, she never called me, or even wrote me. For a long time, I hated her. Don't do that to your child. Its the worst thing in the world to feel as if no one cares about you. Even if you do live way across the world, at least write them. I mean, I don't know anything about my real family, or father, or anything. If you don't want a child destined to follow in your footsteps, just follow my advice. I'm not saying that all adoptive people are bad, just make sure what they're saying is actually true. When I was 14, I was raped by my adoptive father, and got pregnant. My adoptive mom still doesn't know who the father was( if she even realized I had a child). Trust me, if you really want to give the best life possible to your kid, don't just give them to someone, and leave them.

 

Lynn - August 18

do you think your birth mom could have taken better care of you?

 

Jen - August 18

On the other side, I adore my son who we adopted and love him more each day. I love his birthmother and will never shut her out. There are good and bad situations out there, get to know the family. These days things are better and it's more common to get to know the adoptive family. Sorry Zia you had such a bad childhood. No child should go through that.

 

wow - August 18

Lynn retract the claws. Why take it so personally, unless you are the type of adoptee to be avoided? Besides how could anyone possible know the answer to that esp this girl she said she had no clue who her real mother was.

 

Hello - August 18

Zia, you are brave for telling your story. Finally someone told the other side of adoption. I am sorry to hear about your rape. You are a victim. Please don't ever think it was your fault. Have you went to any rape centers? You are right. Not all adoptive couples are like this. I also agree that you should check the people out. Never just give your child to strangers. Jen, I hope you get a child soon. Lynn, I don't think your comment was fair. She was raped. Zia, Good luck

 

/// - August 18

Some people get raped by their biological parents.

 

Jen - August 18

I agree to the beginning of the post. Please if you are considering adoption go through the proper channels, an adooption agency. Talk with your parents, minister, school counselor. Someone who will look out for your best interests. Unfortunately in honesty people seeking to adopt here are only looking out for their own best interests. Plus check out the open adoption laws in your state. Most states actually say once a parent gives up a child they have no real right to contact the child. Most is only done in good faith that the adoptive parent will keep the child in touch with the birth mothers. Many do not and move shortly after obtaining the child so the birth mother will not know where they are or be able to contact the child. Please make your choice carefully, it will be one that will effect you for the rest of your life, whether you keep the baby or not.

 

/// - August 19

Jen you are so pathetic. You are only scaring and confusing these girls even more than they already are. As far as open adoption and agencies the same rule applies. The adoptive parents call the shots as far as contact with the birthmom whether it is private or through an agency. You really need to think before you open your mouth because now the girls are even more scared and confused and it will be harder for them to make a clear decision with people like you clouding their mind.

 

Lynn - August 19

no i was just asking...i didn't mean it in a rude way what so ever...i'm 30 weeks and ive fallen in love with the adoptive family...she says she hates her birthmom...but honestly, do you think she had the resources to take care of you?

 

Jen - August 19

To Lynne..well her birthmother should have taken more time to get to know the adoptive couple..these days I think they do.

 

To Jen - August 19

That was THEN this is NOW.

 

wow - August 19

Lynn let it go she doesnt know who her "birth" mom is. Reread the post or something. Also money shouldn't be the only consideration when you are giving your child away. Lots of poor kids have great families, maybe not the latest sneakers, but loving parent(s) just the same. She hates/resents her "birth" mother because she felt abandoned. Now stop brow beating this girl about a mother she NEVER knew. It makes me wonder if you are completely comfortable with the decision you have made.

 

Zia - August 19

I said that for a long time I hated her. I don't hate her anymore. now that I have a child myself, i know what she was thinking, and what she went through. I mean, with my experiences with adoption, I hope you understand why I didn't give my child up for adoption. But even if I did, I'd at least write them.

 

/// - August 19

back in the day birthparents were not allowed to have contact with their child. I am sure your birthmom thought of you often Zia. It probably wasn't that she didn't want to write to you. She just wasn't allowed to. Now open adoptions are a common thing and I think it is great that the birthmom and the child have the oppurtunity to stay in touch.

 

Britt - August 20

I'm sorry that that happened to you. I think it's good you told your story because it shows other girls that adoption and the process of picking parents needs to be thought out thoroughly. I have a son and know what being a mother is all about, a child is such a blessing and for mothers considering adoption, please research everything out.

 

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