Housing Situation

10 Replies
EricaLynn - February 28

This is kind of a long storey so bare with me.... My fiance and I live at both our parents houses. Every other week we are at my parents house and every other week we are at his parents house. (with our 8 week old daughter) It is the weirdest living situation ever, not to mention a total pain in the butt! We both want to move in with his parents permenantly. His parents help us out alot with our daughter, like when I need to get school work done ect. (I am 19 and in college) My mother is really good at guilt tripping me and I am a sucker and always fall for it. She would love it if we stayed at her house all the time, but neither of us like it over here. She is constantly telling me that whatever I do basically isnt good enough for her. And she tries to tell me what to do with our daughter, wich totally frustrates me! She constantly wants to watch her, but she is disabled and in a wheel chair and I quite frankly do not feel comfortable with her watching my tiny baby. What if she dropped her on the floor, she wouldnt be able to do anything about it! Anyway we really would like to move over to my fiances house for good, my question is just what would you ladies do? I really want to move over there but I dont want to be told I am a pile of sh** for doing it. What do you ladies think I should do?

 

Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - February 28

I moved into my husbands house before we were married or even pregnant. With his family that is. My parents were strict and I couldn't handle it so we lived with them for a while before we got our own place. And you want the best living situation for your daughter. So I would say if you feel more comfortable with them then by all means move in with them.

 

EricaLynn - March 1

I am still torn on what to do so bump.

 

Terio - March 1

Hey Erica ~ It's easy to feel like Mom's are against us when we're young. I look back at the times that my Mother gave unsolicited advice and now I understand it was because I needed it (and I'll undoubtedly do the same with my children). Regardless of who you choose to live with, as you get older you'll likely view your Mom and her parenting differently than you do now. That "nothing is good enough for her" may well be seen later as her trying like hell to help a 19-yr old daughter she loves. She's got plenty of experience with children (she raised you, didn't she), so keep in mind when she gives you a guilt trip for you & baby not being there, it's not a control thing, it's that she loves you and wants you guys around her. Whichever way you decide to go with the housing, cut her a little slack. Congrats on the new baby and good luck.

 

Amanda18 - March 1

I'd move. Your a new mom and in college and that is enough stress without adding a mother who frustrates the hell out of you and moving from house to house with a 2 month old. Go where your comfortable, this is about you and your daughter not about your mother and what makes her happy.

 

xoxticiaxox - March 1

You sound like my mn with his mother. She wants to raise our baby and tell us everything to do with our baby, and if he doesnt listen she will yell at him and make him feel useless, and that hes a nobody...our child is not even here yet and this is happening. Anyways, he feels like he has to prove himself to his mother, when really he doesnt, hes almost 20 and he has a family to care about now...not what his mommy thinks or says...I think you should move to your fiances house...bcausse it is just going to get worse...Good Luck and I hope everything goes well!

 

EricaLynn - March 1

Terio you may think that my mom is trying to help me, but I do not. I mentioned that my mom is disabled. Well who do you think has been caring for her? I have. I took care of her morning and night for YEARS. From when I was like 11 or 12 up until now. I had to take care of her when I was 41+ weeks pregnant. And after I had the baby. The reason she is trying to keep me here is because I have to take care of her. She guilt trips me about not wanting to take care of her, but who would rather take care of their mother than their baby? That is rediculous. And unfair. And her parenting advice is more like her wanting me to leave my daughter with her all the time, and saying that things I do with my daughter are not okay with her. But she is my baby, and I dont care if they are okay with her. Get what I mean?

 

maren - March 1

if you are not comfortable at your moms house LEAVE especially if you have another place to go that is as good of a place or better...its not about your mom its about your daughter...i mean its nice she wants to help but by guilt tripping you that just goes out the window. i mean its not like you wont come over everyonce and awhile and visit your mom so that she can see how the baby is doing. how would your mom handle a 3-4 month old that is rolling everywhere? its not going to happen no matter how much she wants it to happen i mean yea she can go on the floor and play with her but what happens when the baby gets hungry and wants to eat NOW she has to try and get her self back in her chair and to the kitchen as fast as she can. she means good but its just not practicle especially once your daughter gets older. to go to school work and take care of a child is dead tiring i know i do it...i couldnt imagine taking care of my mother day in and day out on top of that! personally i would move to my fiances house if i were you it sounds like its going to be less stressfull on you and your family(fiance baby and you).you know how they say an unhappy baby means an unhappy family well the same thing kinda goes for the mom if the mom of the family is stressed and craby so is the rest of the family.

 

EricaLynn - March 2

Thanks maren, I dont want to drag this out, and I know I should move. I just dont want to be made feel bad about it. My mom has some one help her sometimes now, but not always. And she is perminently in a wheel chair. She cannot get on the floor to play with the baby, nor can she stand up or walk or anything else. That is why I worry, what if the baby fell on the floor or something? My mom would not be able to pick her up. I just dont want anything to happy to my little girl....

 

Terio - March 3

Erica, it sounds like you've been a great daughter and it sounds like you've done what most could never begin to understand. And the reason the 'guilt trip' makes you so mad is because it's been effective (LOL). I'm sure your Mom knows you're going to go on with your life, and it sounds like you'll be close in proximity if you live at your boyfriends, which will help ease things. You'll make it work, and you'll hopefully (with a little work!) master some kind of a balance between everything. You're in a unique situation. I'll be thinking of ya, girl. Keep us updated on things.

 

EricaLynn - March 3

Thanks for the support. I know the guilt trips are working on me. I feel like I should be more ruthless, people have always told me not to care so much about what other people think about me, but I cant help it. I still care, and dont like feeling bad. Thanks so much for all the advice and support, Ill let you know how things work out.

 

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