Im NOT Ready To Be A Dad

82 Replies
Rob G - April 5

im 17 my gf is 15 and we have s_x. We always use condoms. BUT just lately shes bin sayin she wants a baby and says if i loved her id give her wot she wants. I DO love her but we only bin 2gether a few months and i know we aint ready for kids. I got a job but its not that well paid and i dont wana sound selfish but i wana spend my money on me and save some 4 my future like gettin my own place and stuff. I wana treat her to things as well. When i said i wanted to wait she flipped and said i dont care about her. Whys she doin this??? 1 of her friends is preg so i think thats 1 of the reasons and her friend says its great so i said see if she thinks its great when the kid comes and she said i was bin stupid. Shes seriously p___sed at me, esp coz i wont have s_x with her coz i think she might put holes in condoms and shit. What should i do????? How can i make her see that theres nothing wrong in waitin coz she really freakin me out. I dont want to split up with her but i CANT have a kid!!!!!!!!

 

Deeanna - April 5

Tell her about psycologists

 

MORGAN - April 5

or wait until her 14ª day pa__ses ;)

 

Lisa - April 5

You are definitely NOT being selfish if you want to spend money on yourself and set yourself up for financial security in the future. I think most guys your age would be freaking out about the prospect of being a dad. Personally, i think your girlfriend is the one being selfish and using emotional blackmail against you to try to make you submit to her decision to have a baby. Tell her straight! I AM NOT ready to be a father, geeze at your age, you are still trying to find out what life is all about and its hard enough to take care of yourself, let alone a baby and a wife/girlfriend. You have only been with her a few months, and the chances of you actually getting married are very slim, you will probably have many other girlfriends in the future before you decide you are ready to settle down and have a family. Be realistic and don't allow her to railroad you into this. Clearly, you are sensible enough to know that you are not ready for such a huge responsibility and only want the best for both of you. You have every right to enjoy being young. Its your life! Be firm with her about this and let her know that you love her, but its not an option for you at this stage. It has to be your choice as well. I think you are right in saying that she feels she wants a baby cos her friend is pregnant. Being a parent can be very stressful and it IS a huge responsibility. good luck! :o)

 

Anne - April 5

It sounds like you're on the right track Rob. It is really tough when somebody you love is pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. I'm 26 and having a baby now. Having a baby means a big financial commitment, which is pretty scary. It also helps having a solid relationship with your partner. Maybe your gf is feeling jealous of her friend or is feeling that a baby would make her feel less lonely. If you do want kids someday you can rea__sure her that you want to be a Dad in the future, but you want to be a good one who can provide for his family. In terms of s_x - making sure to use spermicidal foam along with condoms would help, but birth control can and does fail sometimes, so if your gf wants to help it fail it means that there is a higher risk for you. Once she is pregnant it is her choice as to whether she keeps the baby, and you'll be on the line for support whether you like it or not. Maybe she can be distracted by focussing on other goals, like finishing High School or learning a trade or doing some other kind of advanced education, or saving up to travel somewhere.

 

Jaz - April 6

I think you're right, shes jealous of her friend, as crazy as it sounds. One of my friends was pregnant at 14 and I envied her at the time. But I realised later on that I lived a lot better life than her and was able to grow up free. Well I had my little girl at 19, but I was a lot wiser than I was at 14. She really doesn't need this, and neither do you. If she can't respect your wishes and understand, and see past this silly phase, you're going to have to tell her straight it aint gonna happen yet. One day she will thank you for it.

 

nicole - April 6

just do what u feel is comfertable with and she will understand if u ever wanna talk i will always b here 4 u!

 

jeff - April 8

rob, ur gf obviously thinks s_x is love. break it to her harshly, dont give in to her feminine whiles, and keep ur nose and..other things..clean. she makes it clear that she, like most young people today are not brought up properly. Parents do ur jobs and this wouldnt happen

 

Krista - April 8

Rob, good for you. I'm proud of you. I'd suggest get her to even go on the patch, easy to check to make sure she uses it. I'm glad to see you are thinking ahead. After all there is so much left to do. Ur only 17 (not that I'm much older, I'll be 20 in June) trust me you don't wanna miss out on the clubs, the bars, and all that other fun stuff. If she tries to guilt you, tell her that you want to stay young point out that if she really loved you she shouldn't try to take away your youth. After all if you guys are going to be together for a long time, what is 3 or 4 years in the long run.

 

Heather - April 8

its not selfish at all because you are young and dont want to have a baby!!!

 

Here ya go Rob! - April 8

Rob, I'm going to give you the cold hard facts in a nut shell. She is very immature, selfish, prone to bribe you with guilt and s_x, as well as being VERY short sighted. YOU have to be VERY careful seeing she wants to get pregnant. Personally I would stop having s_x with her because you don't need any of this pitfall in your life. If it came down to it, you would be WAY better off to walk away rather than succ_mb to her bribery. As you stated, you're not ready for this responsibility and obviously she is not either at 15-16. To take care of a baby is more than teens should take on. It bad enough when two adults have a solid foundation to work from. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Go get your college degree. Don't b__w it trying to apease or please her with a baby you don't want nor ready for. Once she is out of her teens, there may be a chance for you both to have a child but she's got a LOT of maturing to do first. I cannot stress how immature and selfish she is. It is better for you to hear it from us than for you to realize the extent if she becomes pregnant. Good luck Rob. B e s t r o n g f o r R o b ! Failure to be strong will a lifelong mistake!

 

Kk - April 17

ROB... will u please e-mail me at [email protected] i wunt to ask u a few ?'s? ok? thanks.. and jus tell her how u look at it as!! ok? thanks hun

 

Rob - April 18

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT she has just bin on the phone to say shes pregnant. She said shed do a test in front of me if i didnt believe her. The last time we had s_x was about 3 weeks ago. i cant believe this is happnin :-( Sure i'll email you Kk as soon as i can, if i can get my head around this shiiit!

 

Audrey - April 18

Rob- You said in your first post that you always use condoms. So if your ex-gf now says she's pregnant, she's either lying or she got herself pregnant by somebody else and is now trying to lay the blame on you to make you feel guilty. Stay strong!

 

Kaci - April 18

Rob, she could be lieing about her pregnancy nd more to the point... it mite not be yours. could you please email me coz it looks like you could really do with a friend right now: [email protected]

 

Vanessa - April 18

your right yall arent ready for a baby what her problem is that she is crazy and dosent know what she is talking about you think you love her but your wrong I was with my boyfriend and we thought we were ready but now I have a two year old and Im 18 we broke up when i was 3 months we had been togeter for 1 year and said we loved eachother but he broke up with me fo rno reason at all but its ok because I found someone who does love me and my son now we are married and are going to have another baby. So wait at least untill you are 18 and can take care of things and see it yall last that long.

 

meredith - April 19

rob, this is where you may need some legal advice. contact your local lawyer. and def. get a paternity test. and maybe take her to see a good therapist. if u wanna talk my email is [email protected] im 20 and have a 2 yo son

 

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