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sue - June 19th, 2005 9:01 PM

My son and his girlfriend went to college together and came home for the summer she is pregnant she thinks she can go back to school 1500 miles away come home have the baby and go back to college and raise the baby up there the two of them and everything will be fine. Now she is upset with me because I refuse to pay for my son to go back up there when he could stay home go to the local college and it will be cheaper and he can get a job and put money away. Neither one of them ever had to pay a bill.. Do you think I am wrong


dear sue - June 19th, 2005 9:09 PM

I dont think it's wrong to try and help as you are doing, and i hope my mother will be as supportive as you if ever i land myself in such a situation. However, if they're in college, and got pregnant, they need to discover things for themselves, and if they find it harder than they thought, they'll sort it out and what not. Just gotta let them make their own decisions as long as they are informed ones. Because he will find a way to be where she is no matter wat, so you just gotta look like the good guy here, even though u know different. Is that confusing? i just confused myself.


Angelina - June 19th, 2005 9:22 PM

It kinda seems as if you are trying to make her upset because maybe they upset you by her getting pregnant.It would br wrong to try to keep them apart if they are both trying to get an education.If the price of college was a deal then you should have kept him close to home in the first place.Not wait til he gets some girl pregnant.You should just let him stay at the same college and get his education.You dont want to end up the old bitter grandma who tried to split mommy and daddy up do you?He could get a job up there just as much as he could get a job close to you.


Lisa - June 19th, 2005 9:28 PM

I don't think you are wrong...obviously you are a lot wiser. They are young and naive, its not that simple!! You are saving them time and a lot of money as they will probably end up going to the local college once they realise how difficult it is trying to go to work, go to school and raise a child. They have no idea what they're in for. Unfortunately, wisdom isn't something you can actually 'teach' them, maybe they will have to find out for themselves so that they appreciate the value of being able to budget.


helpful hints - June 19th, 2005 9:46 PM

Ok so Lisa you are saying that its ok to keep them apart now that she is pregnant.What about for the baby?They are in college for heaven sakes.Assuming since they are both in college that they are both 18 or over.They are adults now so why not let the explore their options?Sue decided that the college wasnt that expensive until the girl got pregnant.How come it took her getting pregnant to realize that its cheaper to go to local college.I think she is just trying to be selfish and think of her needs instead of the girlfriend and her son.Its not fair to keep them apart because in the end, he will hate his mom because she tried to keep him and his FIRST BABY apart.If she wants to be hated then let her stop paying for his college.Let her split them up.But when they dont want to let her see her grand child she shouldnt cry to no one but herself because she tried to force them apart.


just saying.... - June 19th, 2005 9:49 PM

I agree helpful hints. it does seem like now that the girlfriend is pregnant that she thinks college is too expensive.i notice that she is paying for college though so its her decision but you are right.what if he decides to run off to be with her and never want to talk to his mom again?then she will be without a son or a grandchild.


bean - June 19th, 2005 10:32 PM

Sue - that's a tough one. I can totally see where your thinking is going... however I also see the point of view of the posts below. I think it would be most fair to discuss this with both the mom and dad-to-be. Tell them that you can help watch the baby (can you) while they're in classes, if they both go to school close. If they go far away, it'll be very difficult for you to help out. Also, try (gently) to explain to them just how tough it'll be with a baby. It's not like you can put the kid in a locker or your dorm room while you go to class. I bet they just don't realize it yet.... Good luck!


To sue - June 20th, 2005 1:34 AM

Ever heard of tough love? IMHO, let them do what they have to do to learn their own lessons just like we have all had to. It's hard to watch your child go through hardship and although my parents have always been there for me, I will admit that now that I am older, I realize that sometimes they should have let me make my mistakes and pay for them accordingly. I'm not in anyway saying that this pregnancy is a mistake but it was obviously not planned so all the same, it is their road to travel. Sometimes we Mom's just have to let them live and find out for themselves how hard life can really be. Good luck with everything!


Lisa - June 20th, 2005 6:18 AM

Oh i didn't realise that is only her son that was going to attend the local college, i assumed she meant that it would be a good idea if they both went to the local college so that they could budget and have the baby with them. I think it would be best to encourage them to stay together if they are having a baby. I think it's basically up to the son to decide what is best for him and his future family under the circumstances.


Tulip - June 20th, 2005 9:56 AM

Be careful, Sue. He might just decide not go to college, which I imagine is not what you want, and then the ugliness between you will be for nothing. I understand that you may be trying to get him to save money, but you can't manipulate him by withholding what you were prepared to give him before- it doesn't make sense- to take it away now when he REALLY needs it. Exam your motives to make sure you aren't just upset because no one is following your plan for his life.


sue - June 22nd, 2005 1:22 PM

I want to thank all of you for all your comments and you brought up go ideas for me to think about. One thing is I don't want to come of as controling. I guess I am older and know how it is to take care of three children. I just don't want them to have alot of loans when they get out of college. I forgot to say that when he does finish college he gets the loans that we had to take out. That was the deal and we feel that we will get stuck with the loans and they made this dission to have unprotected sex and I don't really feel that it is far to us to have to pay for that. And if they stayed home they could afford it. I am not looking at tomorrow I am looking four years down the road for them. So they could be happy. I really like his girlfriend. BUt I must not be stupid with my own money. It sound selfish on my part . But I feel when you bring a life into the world you need to not just think of yourself when your parents sorry the party is over for them. But thank you for all your comments it open my eyes to there thinking


robin - June 22nd, 2005 5:27 PM

No, I don't think you are wrong but if they won't listen then let them learn and find out how hard it will be.


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