Need Opinions-pg112310985918

9 Replies
Lauren - August 3

i'm 15 and a little over 5 months pregnant. i just need some opinions on what i should do. i'm debating between adoption and parenting. i guess the thing that throws me off is my boyfriend. he tells me he isnt ready and then the next day he said he wants to do it and be a family and everything. i guess, in a way hes excited. he's picked a name and everything and doesnt stop smilin when he feels the baby kick. i know he isnt ready and i feel like he'll realize it after the baby is born and then leave, even though he says he wont. i dont wanna do this alone but he says he'll hate me if i do the adoption. i've thought i could just do it behind his back so he wont know until afterwards, because chances are, he wont be around for the birth. he'll be with his family in another state for that time. so he wouldn't know...but i know that he would hate me even more for doing it behind his back. i want to keep the baby but i'm just scared and confused. so i'm not quite sure what i should do....anyone have an opinion or anything?

 

Adriana - August 3

I swear to you on everything i totaly know what your going threw. I'm 15 and 21 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend decided he needed some alone time then decided he didn't. now i don't know if when the baby gets here will things be different. he wants the baby to have his last name and he wants to be there. but i don't know. I say screw them how many teen here have done it on there own? we can do it for our babies!

 

KJ - August 3

Lauren, I placed my daughter for adoption and my bf at the time wasn't really into it, but his parents became involved and he disapearred, only to re-appear a year later. I gave him a pic and never heard from him again. Adotion is your choice, but I will tell u it was the hardest thing I have ever done, but in turn the best for my daughter, myself and the adoptive family. It took 8 months of counceling and guidence for me to make that decision, but in the long run it was my choice alone. I did have the option to change my mind up until she was 5 days old and after that 1 yr of probation for the adoptive family. So in all a yr after placement to change my mind. I will say that without a doubt I did the right thing, but again it is your decision. If you would like me to share my experience and the people I chose to help me pls feel free to e-mail anytime. What do his parents say? and what about your parents? [email protected] Good Luck in whatever YOUR choice may be

 

Wanda from NM - August 3

What a difficult decision this is for you! I understand what you are going through because I had my son when I was 15, now I am 31. You can't predict or guarantee how your boyfriend will be there after the baby is born, so you should make sure that you have a support system to help you with the baby if he isn't around. There are alot of resources out there that can help you keep your baby if that is what you would like to do. There are teen parent schools, and community resources that can help you. If you would like to go through with the adoption, then find an agency that you are comfortable with, and an arrangement you can live with, either open adoption, where you can have contact in the future, or closed adoption, where there is no contact. Either way, just make a decision YOU can live with. I can't tell you how much my life has changed in the 16 years that have pa__sed since I was in your shoes. I remember I loved the father, but looking back now, I didn't even know what love was, and I was so young, what we shared wasn't love. Now, we are older, and I see how abusive, and demeaning he was and turned out to be with his wife, and I am glad we aren't together. Is there an adult you can talk to about this? If not, and you still have questions, give me your email address and I will write to you if you like. I am thinking good positive thoughts for you, and I wish you both best of luck.

 

melissa c_mmings - August 3

Lauren, it is probably not a good idea to go behind his back. Not telling the truth will only cause problems for you down the line. Let say you get a new boyfriend or husband, they will not trust you if you tell them what you did. It is best to educate him on open adoption. Adoption has changed so much over the years. In an open adoption situation the birthparents and adoptive parents meet each other and stay in contact. Some adoptive parents workout visits. We are looking to adopt, but that is not why I posted a response. Honesty, that way when your son/daughter grow up they will know that you are a kind, honest person. Good Luck, Melissa

 

nicole - August 17

hi lauren! i have been looking to adopt and i wanted to know if you had made a decision yet!? please e-mail me at: [email protected]

 

someone - August 17

this isn't a baby mill nicole - go somewhere else, hmmm like an adoption AGENCY and not a website for scared teens

 

kate - August 17

being a mom is very scary, its even harder when u have pn money and help with family. if u choose to keep ur baby there will be many struggles, remember ur still a teen and have ur hole life, also if u place ur baby, u can choose a family that it goes to with a mom and a dad that can aford it. and who have been waiting to have a child. but at the end i hope u think about ur baby. and what will be best for he/she. if u want to talk or need someone to vent to u can email me at [email protected], good luck

 

karine - August 18

Only keep the baby if you think that you can provide and care for the child on your own...and if the father stays than that is good...but dont keep the bbay thinking he will stay...get prepared to be alone...iam not saying you will....and if deep down you think you cant do it on your own....give this baby a chance and give it to a caring family. and it all depends how does your family think???? will they help you????

 

Mary - August 18

The largest factor in whether you parent or adopt should not be your boyfriend's feelings, but whether or not you can provide for a child. Yes, in a perfect world everyone could have their own children and care for them with love alone, but that is not the case. Your child needs food, clothes, diapers, doctors, toys, etc. etc. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and really talk about this. Putting the baby up for adoption behind is back is not a good idea. Many mothers have this false sense of "owning" the baby because they carry it. But in reality, that child is just as much his as it is yours. Any decision about the baby should be made by both of you. You really need to reevaluate the situation and look for the best option for the baby. Good luck!

 

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