Now What

3 Replies
Elle - October 7

I made the mistake of thinking i was in love. I'm only 19, but I've had s_x with other guys before him and never had a problem. I trusted him with my heart completely. Looking back, it seems stupid, but I let him have s_x with me without using a condom. I had never even considered that as an option before, but I was very serious about him, on ortho tri-cyclen lo, and made sure that he never ejaculated while inside of me. Well of course summer ended, and he had to go back to college, while i stayed at a somewhat local university. I wasn't very concerned because we had made it work before even though it is almost an 8 hour drive. Basically, he decided to end it by keeping out of contact for almost a month. Why, I'm not sure, but by the time I got a hold of him I knew it was over, and i thought that if he could throw away what i thought we had that easily, than I was better off. Unfortunately, 4 birth control tests don't lie, and i also knew I was pregnant with his child, and already experiencing some morning sickness . I debated on whether or not to tell him and how to tell him, before deciding it wasn't fair at all to be making any type of decision without considering his input. It did not go well. His response was basically how could you consider anything but an abortion. It got progressively worse, to the point where he even made cheap shots, such as its probably not even mine anyhow. I have not so much as kissed anyone else, nor was it an immaculate conception so.... I have considered adoption as well as actually raising the child. We are lucky enough to both come from well off homes, and I know that if it came down to it, i would have my parents love and support, however, I do not think it is fair to raise a child when i can barely emotionally handle myslef. I also do not want to have my child grow up without a father, because as of right now the only thing he is concerned with is child support, which I would not even bother him for. It wouldn't be worth it. My main concern with adoption is being 100% sure the family will love my child unconditionally, and provide a wonderful life, that I just can't do single and 19. I do not want to live every day of my life in fear that my child isn't being cared for. As for the father, he has changed so much. He says he just doesn't care about anything, except another girl he met there and has known for about a week. I honestly do not even know him anymore, and am worried about him because obviously, something isn't right, and i know he is really depressed. I also know the talk about the girl and other things is mainly talk to try to get a reaction from me, so I avoid it. I honestly think I feel pity towards him more than anything. I want to be mad at him, but don't really see the point. I'm worried about his well being probably more than my own, and i want to stay friends even though it does seem pointless. I'm trying so hard to be strong, but sometimes I feel like i'm going to cave in. I am holding out telling my parents until i decide what i want to do. I want this to be my decision, because i have to live with it for the rest of my life. I have amazing friends, just bad luck with the last boyfriend, so they have been a tremendous help. But still, I do not know where to go from here. The one doctor appointment i had showed that all was well with the child, which makes this even harder. Honestly, somedays I have thought about just ending everything, but I know that I am better than that and that I can make it through this. I basically just have no idea where to go from here.

 

GuitarJade - October 7

I second everything "angel_one" says. Whatever you decide to do is up to you... and I hope that you make the right decision for you and your baby. If you decide to keep it, you should definately make the father step up and accept responsibility. "It takes two to tango." If he's old enough to have s_x, he's old enough to take responsibility for his actions. I know exactly how you're feeling right now... my boyfriend recently told me that if I end up pregnant, he's going to leave me becuase he's "not ready" and such things like that... and that's after he promised he'd be there to help me raise the child. Good luck and God bless! (and keep us updated)

 

Shorty - October 7

Elle, I commend you for your strength.. but where have you put your feelings in all this?? At the bottom run?? It seems as if you are wearing this whole thing by yourself and taking the blame because your pathetic ex wont. You DO NOT have to carry others responsibilties. I know you are in a hard situation, but you can not allow yourself to be bogged down by what other people are feeling, because like it or not, no matter what others think or feel, you are still going to be there. You need to sit down and think about what you want to do from here, and either way, you need to accept it. If you do decide to keep the baby ( i hope you do) your boyfriend needs to accept responsibility.. none of this " Its not worth hara__sing him for child support" because that is the very very least he can do is contribute the the cost of your child. You need to also realise that all mums to be for the first time have no idea what it will be like to raise a child or be a mum.. or even if they are going to be any good at it! These feelings you are having are so completley normal... But all I can say is decide what you want.. decide rationally and be around people who will supprt you either way.. Good Luck, God Bless

 

Elle - October 9

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who posted replies

 

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