Re Please Tell Me Why

22 Replies
GuitarJade - October 7

Whatever you say... but I won't believe it. I was cleaning my room when I was 8 years old, yes, but I don't think a damn one of you have ever had to clean a whole house at age 11, much less cook a whole meal (and I'm not talking microwave... I'm talking stove), or make sure your siblings were dressed and cleaned properly for daycare and school. I know that in a lot of families and cultures the eldest child has more responsibilities, but go ahead and ask my sisters who raised them... I'll guarentee they won't say my parents because they've already been asked. They refer to me as their "mother." My parents took the financial responsibilities for myself and my sisters... nothing more. And for another thing, I know how much it costs to raise children... that's why I'm glad my parents blew their money on court costs and lawyer fees. The thing is, my mother didn't have a job (she never graduated high school) and my father is a stickler for his money... only bought us what the courts to him he had to buy. My parents got divorced when I was 11 and I've been raising my sisters ever since. Go ahead and deny it all you want, but you have no idea what you're talking about honey. Chores is one thing... what I did and what I lived with is totally another. Now don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about... the only thing I didn't do in my house was "bring home the bread." And to say that a child is born without love, that's an opinion. I totally and 100% believe that a child is born with all the love they can give... just look at a newborn. Yes, whether or not a child keeps that love is up to his/her environment... but how can a child learn to love if it's not already in them to begin with? As I said, I believe in an unconditional love, and even though my parents really f*cked up, I still love them. They brought me into this world... what else can I do?

 

angel_one - October 8

jade, i at about 11 was cooking, cleaning, and i mean cleanning windows and walls!! talking care of my sister, in daycare, so your not the only hard done by person ok! and as for the teenageer wanting a baby thing, my dad said somehing to me once after i brought my self a pet rat - he said consider that your baby for the next few years (brought when i was 16). i think it was a great thing in the long run, i wanted someone to love me too, but there was no way i wanted to have as much responsibility as a baby would have been. and now as a mum and wife, i can say that what you thing of as rasing you sisters and looking after a house has got nothing on what it is really like, do you know that raising a BABY not young child is a hell of a lot harder- you spend the first 12 months going mad, and with a husband and house to look after it is even worse - all day long i am either washing, cleaning, cooking, teaching and keeping baby amused, and the day never ends, once baby is in bed, you have to clean up after dinner, amuse hubby(oh god) and somewhere in there you have to have a shower and sleep - oh and find a little bit of time to your self (which is right now for me) did you do all of that at age 11! i Dont think sooooooo!!! and and god forbid you try and do something for your self out side of your family, as i am currently stuyding as well, thank god it is a flexable course! so before you go say ing how you know what it is like to raise a family think again, its got nothing on your teenage years at home with your sisters - i know i have been there and when i first moved out of home i thought hell i can do anything, i have been doing it already - well that was all good untill baby came along!!

 

Oooh - October 8

Oh you poor devils. What about the people who don't have homes/kids/families? Man, stop complaining. Its life - everyone does it. I was on my own from 10 on the streets. I'm glad now I've got a home to clean, a job to go to and kids to run around after.

 

angel_one - October 8

hey i anit complaining i love looking after my family, i mean this one is mine not my dads! i was just comparing now and then for jade !

 

GuitarJade - October 8

Trust me, I know what it's like to raise a baby... my sister wasn't even 2 when my parents split, and I was the one up with her at nights BEFORE and AFTER the divorce because my parents were to busy arguing to give a d__n. Yes, I was the one doing the midnight feedings and diaper changes. And I'm not complaining... I loved every minute of it, hard as it may have been. My sisters think of me as their mother, and they listen and talk to me about everything. I've talked to my older younger sister about s_x, drugs, alcohol etc. Everything I learned, I learned from experience... not from talking with my parents or from school. Try going to school and then coming home and doing what a wife and mother should do... and school for me wasn't flexible! So, I would appreciate it if you would stop telling me that I don't know what it's like to raise a family because, until you've lived in my shoes, you really don't know if I know or not. Get off your high horse... I know what it's like because I lived it. No, I didn't give birth and I didn't earn the money for my family to live off of, but I know what it's like to raise a family and all the duties that entails.

 

Roxanna - October 8

GuitarJade I am sorry but you did not have the responsiblities of a mother or wife. You had normal duties as a teenager. We all had them. I grew up on a farm honey and I was caring for my siblings since 7 years old which meant cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, etc. b/c my mother & father had to work the land to bring in the dough. It was no big deal. It was my culture. I knew though I could be rid of it when I turned 18 if I made the choice too. When you are a mother or wife you can't be rid of it b/c even if you leave you are haunted by what you have done b/c you were a mother and/or wife. Now that I am a mother and wife I know for a fact that it is much harder than it ever was when I was 7 and growing up. Their is no comparison. You should really just thank you lucky stars that you had a roof over your head and food on the table b/c their are kids today that don't have even that. You sound pretty ungrateful.

 

Cindy - October 8

what you described Guitarjade is life. You sound like a spoiled ungrateful brat. You should be glad you were molested, abused, etc. You had a home to live in and food to eat. So what that you did most, or as you put it all , the things around the house so did the rest of us and you don't see us looking for sympathy or whining about it. Kids aren't born to love either. Haven't you ever heard of conditioning? And you say you are in College? Maybe you should spend more time in cla__s and less time on the internet. You might learn something.

 

Smart Guy - October 8

Rock on ladies. The original poster is extremely naive and into feeling sorry for themself. Hate to tell you, it doesn't sound like you had it that bad. Try having your drunk dad put cigerettes out on your back when your a kid or your mother wanting you to have s_x with her friends once you were a teen. That's what I'm talking about. You haven't got a clue what it means to have it rough. Need I go on. Cooking, cleaning, helping raise the kids is pretty typical in today's society. Doing what you did is still not taking the full responsibility which is bring home the paycheck. Without the paycheck you wouldn't have a house to clean, clothes to wash, diapers to put on a kid, or food to cook so no, you also weren't taking on the full responsibility. Money rules the world these days, young one. The only things it sounds like your parents f*cked up on was not teaching you to be thankful for what you do have.

 

Katie - October 10

jesus christ stop complaining and feeling sorry yourselfs, for another thing if your parents were that bad you and your sisters would have been taken into care by social services.

 

..................... - October 10

Amen........

 

Brittany2 - October 11

GuitarJade- My violin is playing for you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get past it. If you have to dwell on your past this much you should really seek counseling. Alot of people have been through what you state and even worse but you don't see them whinning about it. Poor you..........

 

angel_one - October 12

brittany after reading jades last post before i got to yours i was about to say the same thing! jade you obviously have a few unresulved issues reguarding your child hood and i think before you go bring children to to your life full of hate , you need to seek some professional help. that may help you come to terms with your feeling towarsds your parnets and you never no may make you a better mother to your children, did you have any grandparents /uncles or aunties around while you were growing up?

 

GuitarJade - October 12

No, I didn't have anybody around while I was growing up. My mum's family lived in CA while my father's lived practically everywhere else (not to mention Hong Kong). And as for counceling, I've tried it... my last one told me that she "couldn't help me." I don't live in a world of hate, and if you would read each one of my posts carefully, you would realize that. I don't hate my parents or what they did to me, and I know that there are many people out there who have it (or have had it) worse than I. Councelors can't help me because there is absolutely nothing wrong with me... they can't do anything about my past and therefore they can't do anything about me. I coped with it... I still cope with it... and I will continue to cope with it. I say these things not for pity but to get my point across that you don't know me... you don't know my story. Believe it or not, I know what I'm talking about in regards to raising children and a family. I know how hard raising children is because I've already raised 2... I know how difficult it is to have a life to yourself and raise a family because I'm still doing it... I know how stressful it is to go to work because I've worked for 3 years now (and loaned my father money on more than one occasion)... and I know how abuse is. Please, all I ask is that you stop telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about because I do. I don't want sympathy and I don't want pity... this is my life and I wouldn't ask for another even if it was offered. I'm going to school now to help kids who are in the same position as I was. Life has been harsh to me, but I'm making lemons into lemonade. Unfortunately, it seems as though nobody can see that because everybody is so stuck in the "I'm right and you're wrong" mindset. If anybody should be felt sorry for, it's you.

 

May - October 13

GuitarJade, You have not had the right counselors or the ones you have been to feel you are trying to make something out of nothing. Counselors are there to listen, provide strength, and help you find ways of coping. They are not there to solve it. However, if your life has been anything too extreme, from other people's, then there is nothing there for them to help you cope with. Believe me counselors hear horror stories so they know when you are trying to make something out of nothing. I also agree that it sounds like you are whining because you were required to help out with your sisters. The older child usually does, if you read other posters opinions instead of being defensive. I also did pretty much everything you said you did and I am fine with it. All my friends growing up were in similar situations. I guess I don't see in any of your posts that you had it that bad. You cannot compare helping with your sisters to raising YOUR OWN children. There is no comparison regardless of what you might think. You will realize that once you have your OWN CHILDREN. I have done both so I know.

 

GuitarJade - October 13

I have read each post carefully and thorougly... more than one time through. Each person here is trying to tell me what I think, and I'm sorry to say this, but nobody knows how I feel or think. Each statement I have made is an opinion, nothing more. If my opinion may seem wrong to you, that's your own problem, not mine. The fact of the matter is, nothing anybody says here is going to make me change my mind because I know what I've gone through and you don't. There might be a few here who know what it's like to be used and abused for most of their life, but there is not one person here who knows me... not one person who knows my secrets and my past. I'm sorry to say, but you're wrong. And until you've lived my life, I would appreciate it if you would stop telling me how my own mind works.

 

nia - October 13

first of all i must say that this is a teen pregnancy forum not a "post my life history and make myself look desperate for attention" forum. please remember where you are posting before you write something. you sound very stupid. if that truely was your childhood....so what!

 

GuitarJade - October 13

I know exactly what type of forum this is... and this entire argument has come out of an argument about teenage pregnancy and how it's so "wrong." And as for sounding stupid, at least I have the grammatical knowledge to capitalize "i" and words at the begining of my sentences.

 

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