Want To Have A Baby Need Some Understanding

10 Replies
Emmie H. - January 11

Ok, well im 16 almost 17. and i been through a lot through ouy my life.i honestly would love to have a baby right now! My boyfriend is ready to have a baby to. and he said that its totally up to me. see i know what i would do and how i would do things... how i want to do things with the rest of my life. i feel that i am totally ready to have a baby, phyically and metally. i been wondering if there was something wrong with me wanting to have a baby... honestly. why does everyone think you have to be 20 something plus to have a baby. i mean think about it less than 100 years ago at the age of almost 17 most females would already be married and had children. i want to be honest and tell my mother too... just i KNOW that she will never understand. i just wish there was a way that people will understand where i am coming from, how i feel, and how much it would really mean to me if i could have a baby. Please help me out and tell me what you think. if you can give me any advice i would love to hear it. thanks...

 

Iyla - January 11

As long as you have a loving relationship, are happy with your education, are financially and emotionally stable and able to give a child your undivided attention for the next 16 years - go for it. I was 17 and wished I'd waited til I'd grown up a bit more and lived more life. Believe me you aren't a teenager for long enough! But thats not to say I haven't enjoyed raising my little girl.

 

To Emmie - January 11

These are my thoughts and also my best friend's experience...hope it helps you in your decision. I think having a child is a great experience and like you, I was ready mentally and emotionally when I was 16 to have a child (I'm now 26 and just because pregnant). But the reason I didn’t when I was younger is because I knew the older and wiser I get the more I have to offer my children. I also wanted to travel because you learn so much about the world once you travel to 2-3 different countries. You don’t know what kind of experience and knowledge you are missing until you do. I also always wanted to have a smaller age gap between myself and my children – but I realized that education is very important…if I don’t have it what do I have to offer my kids? How can I make them go get their own education? And in today’s world money is very important. I want to be able to offer my children everything they want and deserve and if I’m not financially set that’s a huge down side. Hence, these are few reason’s I’ve waited this long – I’m now married but 2 or 3 years ago besides me being ready mentally and emotionally nothing else was in place for us to have kids. Oh, and another reason why I waited is because my best friend got pregnant at 18 (7 years ago) – she is a very smart girl who wanted to become a brain surgeon. But when she got pregnant and had her baby that dream went away because she could not raise a child full time, go to school full time and spend hours and hours on end in the hospital at the same time. She wanted to have a baby, some one who she could love unconditionally and care for so she went ahead with the pregnancy. She herself had a very, very rough child hood and had gone through a lot for someone so young. She does not regret having her child who she would move mountains for right now…but she does admit that she was too young and should have been smarter and waited. Her story is a successful one because instead of going to med. School she is now in Law School. She’s had a very rough 7 years in that she’s had to raise her son her self (she got married to the father & divorced after 1 year) be able to make enough money to pay rent and day care – sometimes she had to work 2 or 3 jobs. And she managed to go to school all these years to make sure she can provide for herself and her son and her future children. So if you decide to go ahead with having a child at this age just be prepared for very rough times…babies are cute and adorable but they take a lot of work and dedication! It’s not easy at all to wake up every 2 hours to feed and change a baby! make sure you can financially support your child if things don’t go right between you and your boyfriend. I know this is not something people like to think about but reality of life is this: what happens if you have no post secondary education and a job that does not pay well and later down the road (maybe 15 years from now) your husband or partner leaves you and you have no means of support for your self and child? This happens more often than we realize…and it’s a hard fact of life to live with. This is one of the reasons my friend made her way to law school even with all the hardship she had endured. Anyway, sorry this turned out to be sooooo long…but I’m glad at least you are taking this more seriously and taking the time to ask around. It gives you an idea what having a baby is really like. You are young and have years and years ahead of you to have kids so try to take advantage of this time in your life for your self and explore as much as possible to learn the ways of the world…The more experience you have the more you have to offer your children.

 

Hilary - January 11

Many girls your age want children, then think they are and freak. Or then ARE pregnant and can't handle it. UMMM BTW this is 2005 not 1700s which is when THAT was common.

 

To Sarah... Emmie H - January 11

ok well... i dont want a baby to cure me. i want a baby cause i honestly and truely really want one. im not trying to play god. im dealing with depression and getting over it very nicely. i want to have a child for me, cause i want to do the whole mommy thing. i am willing to do EVERYthing i will have for this baby. i would die for this baby. anything and everything i will do for this child. dont get me wrong. i mean i do understand what you are saying but than again you dont know my whole story nor whats going on... so.. yeah. not trying to be mean, im just saying

 

To Emmie - January 12

Hi emmie, I was the one with the long story...and I understand where you are coming from with a rough childhood and why you'd want a baby now...your situation is very close to my friend's. If you have been tolled that you might not have a lot of time to get pregnant and you are ready for this, I'd say go for it. But try to wait little while to get at least 1 year of college done. This way you have an idea of the work load you will end up with each term and it will be easier for you to cope with a baby and school. You are 16 and no matter how I look at it too young to become a mother, so give your self 1 year of college then towards the end of that first year start trying. The other thing I wanted to mention to you, is if you are depressed right now, try to get some help because pregnancy really plays with your emotions, and your depression might get worst with pregnancy, and maybe even after you have the baby. Post-partum depression is very common and more so for those who have a history of depression. Again, I’m saying this because I’ve had experience with it! I don’t know how mild or sever your condition is but I’ve had to deal with a mother who went through stages of depression (not often – because she was normally a level headed person) but when it hit I had to go and hide all the sharp objects in her house. I’m basically trying to let you know of what you should prepare your self for. And I know that you are not trying to have a baby as a source ‘cure’, and that you really want something of your own to love, but once your baby is here life will no longer be about you, your baby will demand that life will be about him/her. The mothers that I know and I really look at as role models are 2 woman who put their children before anything if their lives and I only hope that I can do the same. If you give it some time hopefully your mother will also come around and be supportive of this. Anyway, I hope I have shed some light on your investigation and I hope you really consider waiting a little while longer. Look at it this way, at least this time will allow you to put more money away for when you have this baby and that’s when you are really going to need it. Good luck

 

gablex - January 12

I think its pretty normal for girls to want a child at that age, for some its wanting to have someone who loves them and they love unconditionally, my suggestion, (and I'm not trying to be a smarta__s I mean this with really good intentions) get a puppy. You and your b/f try raising the puppy for a year and put all your energy and commitment into the puppy, get up when he/she whines, clean up after it, make sure it has food and water all the time and just throw yourself into the dog like it was an actual child. And if you can get through that without getting rid of the puppy then maybe you are ready at least by then you will be 18 and finished with school. If you want to chat or just you know send me an ugly email over my suggestion then go for it. [email protected]

 

Emmie H. - January 12

thanks "To Emmie" and gablex.... and "To Emmie" if anyway.. i would love to chat some other time... mayb e through an IM or something if thats ok with you

 

To Emmie - January 13

Of course we can chat. I have MSN messenger and I'm usually on most of the day Mon-Fri. you can also use this email to get a hold of me: [email protected] -if you have MSN messenger as well, that email address will connect you to me. Talk to you soon.

 

Hilary - January 13

Emmie, I honestly think a bad childhood is no excuse, I guess I can blame all my mistakes on a bad child hood, Im sorry about your ovaries, but they dont just one day stop working to my knowledge. At 17 you run a greater risk of having a preemie. Are you ready for that?

 

To Emmie... Sarah - January 13

Emmie, I do get what you are trying to say, but you are way too young to be having a child.You say that"this is something that i feel can help me with my depression.. something that can really make me happy and can give me that love that i long for. " but on the other hand you are telling people that the above statement is not true, but you wrote it. I am sure that every girl at the age of 16-17 dreams about being a mum, thats fine, thats normal, but it does not mean that you have to go out and get pregnant right here right now and have a baby. Your mum should not be dragged into this to support your child, you wanna be a mum, you do it the right way, no handouts, no special privelidges because you are young... its a hard job for a woman at 30, let alone a girl at your age. I know your longing, but a longing and the reality of that longing are two different things. You are still a child, and are in too much of rush to grow up. enjoy being a teenager. That time will never come back to you.

 

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