What Should I Do -pg110038631231

16 Replies
Tracy - November 13

I need some advice. I think I'm pregnant. I'm 18 and I've done 3 pregnancy tests in the last week which were all faint positives. I was on birth control too. So I'm kinda worried here. I just need some advice on what to do. Im going to keep the baby without a doubt and the babys father doesn't know yet. I dont think I'll tell him. He's one of them guys who believes I should have an abortion (i asked him hypothetically once) and he told me if I ever did get pregnant and kept the baby he'd want it living with him. I dont know his family! How could I let my baby live with him? I just couldn't. I know he'd completely control my life. He'd come round unannounced and would stick his oar in. I know he has a right to but its jsut hard to explain. Hes a great guy otherwise but I cant have him hanging around. He would ruin my life completely and probably put a wedge between myself and the baby. My family situation is this: I'm a qualified counsellor and I live with my parents and my grandmother. My grandmother and father are both ill. My father is seriously ill and is always in and out of hospital due to lung disease. I know if Im pregnant my dad would want to know who the dad is etc but he'd be okay since Im 18 and support me. My mum wouldn't mind but my grandmother would. She brought me up very old fashioned and doesn't believe in s_x before marriage and she thinks s_x is a disgusting thing etc. It would be bad enough telling her I've had s_x let alone I'm pregnant! Arghhhh! The other problem is my cousins and aunty. My aunty has always claimed Im a no-good whore (like they do) and my cousins have made up lots of lies about me and they would make my life a living h__l. Once of my cousins Im taking to court because he tried to rape me. I've only had s_x with one guy. The babys dad. However I was raped at a young age. Everyone says Im very mature for my age. I guess its because Ive been through loads of stuff. I dunno. I can offer my baby loads of love and support. I'd give anything up for my child if the tests turn out to be correct. But Im not sure what to do. I need anyone/everyones advice please. Do you think I should tell the babys dad? Were not really together. We keep breaking up and getting back together on and off for 2 years. Sometimes I go weeks without seeing him. But whenever we meet up it always ends up in s_x. Must be over active hormones or something. He says hes crazy about me and stuff but I dunno. I dont think I love him. I would know if I did. Im just confused. The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. He came round and tried his luck with me but I told him no, it isnt a good time and he went ok but still kept trying kinda.I haven't heard from him since. He does has his own problems but I at least thought hed stay in touch. Im glad I didnt have s_x with him. I dont know what to do. Im sorry this is long. What do you guys think? Should I tell him? Wait until its confirmed? I need all the advice you can offer. What would you do in my position? Thankies in advance!

 

red - November 13

I know what you are going through and how you feel. If you email me I can tell you exactly what to do. email address: [email protected]

 

Tracy - November 14

I think your right E. I just keep telling myself they were faulty tests and I cant be pregnant since I am using birth control. But I know they dont always work. Argh. Your right about cousins and auntys its just mine are so controlling. I think I will tell him. I just dont want him hanging around. It sounds bad I know and I dont know why I feel like this but I just cant have him hounding me day and night and it will be very difficult to have a stable and happy relationship with him with the baby. It will probably hurt the child emotionally. I couldn't bear that. Im just all over the place. I know what to do deep down but Im too much of a coward and just want to bring the baby up by myself. I know I'd do a good job and make the baby happy but with the dad around I'd feel like I was being pulled in half and my dreams had been shattered. Argh Im rambling again now. I just cant get it into my head they were positive! I know they are on some level but I'll probably keep testing way up to the time I have the blood test which is end of the week. Thanks for your help. Red - I'll email you.

 

E - November 14

Tracy, I understand why you would not want him around but - you have to find a way to separate your feelings about him relationship wise with his right to be in his baby's life. I am not sure why you would abandon telling him just b/c he might be an active and caring father in this child's life. That is a good thing and someday, you may regret your decision not to tell him. What then? He will be wholly p__sed if he finds out later and you may need him someday. Please consider telling him and explaining the boundaries that need to be respected if you two are to raise this child in a healthy environment. No more booty calls:) Also, you will have to lie to your child about this if you decide not to tell him b/c no child/teen will understand why you chose not to tell him. I would feel incredibly cheated if my mother did that to me. There is more to this than you being uncomfortable about him hanging around. Sorry to lecture but this is a serious/important topic. I hope someone else can advise you on this:) XOXO

 

Tracy - November 14

E - I think your 100% right. I'm just being a coward. It isn't that he wouldn't be a caring father or a responsible one as Im sure he would be. He'd just be very controlling and would probably ignore the boundaries. He told me once he doesnt want to be a father yet (hes 20) and would want me to have an abortion and if I didn't the baby would live with him 24/7 and I'd be the one left out. I think I'll tell him I may be pregnant but I dont think he'll comply with my wishes but I do want him to be a part of the babys life just not 24/7, always breathing down my neck etc. I want to be able to work on my own initiative and instincts without any interference. He would be dictating to me constantly about small things. Argh. I'll have to tell him. It's only right that I do. I dont know why I thought otherwise. I must of been not thinking clearly. Stressed out probably. Thanks again.

 

red - November 14

E, you should really email me I have a solution to your problem that will give you lots of relief. I just rather not put it on here. I was in the same position and I did it my way and it worked.

 

red - November 14

oops I mean tracy

 

Tracy - November 15

Red - I did email you but I used my friends email account. I'll email you again.

 

Illy - November 15

it's hard

 

Tracy - November 15

Whats hard Illy?

 

E - November 15

Tracy, the stress of pregnancy can make us think crazy stuff, I know:) I am curious about something - I live in the US and the father would have to take the mother to court to get full custody of the child and even then, fathers do not usually get full custody, especially with infants. Is it easy for him to take the baby away from you in the UK? I think you live there, correct?

 

Tracy - November 15

Yep I live in the UK. Nope it isn't easy for him as we would have to go to court and usually the mother wins unless she's considered a unfit mother or is harming the child is some way. Yeah I think it is the stress of possible pregnancy. I'm just acting and thinking completely irrationally. Nothing like my usual calm and rational self. I've turned into a right moody cow lately too. But I suppose thats the hormones.:) I'm wondering but is it normal to have brown spotting of blood 5 days after I stopped the pill? I think it may be a withdrawal bleed and Im not in any pain so I know its nothing serious and isn't a period. I think its the pill probably.

 

E - November 15

So when will you confirm your pregnancy? Are you spotting now or was this b4? Spotting can be a sign of miscarriage but it is hard for me to judge over the computer. Will you see a doctor shortly?

 

Tracy - November 15

I have a doctors appointment for Thursday morning so should find out Friday I think. Once the results are in. Yeah I just started spotting at 7:15-7:30pm. I haven't checked to see if its stopped but Im not worried caused there's no pain or discomfort. So I think Im okay. Since its brown I'm guessing its old blood. I did bleed a little over a week ago. I thought it was my period since I was on the sugar pills in the birth control pill pack but that was brown and lasted just over 24hours. So I did a HPT next day and it was faint positive. So I'm guessing its pill related. Red_______I've emailed you like ya said. Could you tell me on here or email me at: [email protected] Thats my friends email addys. She's letting me use her account for the next week or so. Email me there if ya want. :)

 

Tracy - November 15

Aaww I'm sorry about your abortion. I'm glad it all worked out for you in the end though. Guys can be suck arseholes and only think about themselves when we need them. I wonder why we put up with them for sometimes, lol. I'm about 75% happy about possible pregnancy and glad. I know I'll love this baby with all my heart and soul. Even though I'll be dreading the labour and probably terrified. But who wouldn't with all of that pain?! Lol. But yeah, I'm ready and happy. I'm just not very optimistic on what the family with say, do and think. I know they'll give me hell. Sine Im taking my cousin to court as well for attempted rape, Im concerned that it will go against me and I'll get a bad name. I dont know if you know what I mean but I feel like if I walk into court so many months along (which will be obvious) that the jury will automatically mark me off as a whore or a girl who screams rape at the drop of a hat. And that they might think me loose. My family will probably say I am even though I;ve only ever slept with one guy. They'll say if I jumped into bed with one guy then I must of lead my cousin on. Or something horrid like that. Argh I hate families sometimes. Especially mine. Yeah its really strange being pregnant on the pill. I hav heard of it happening before though. A friend of mine just found out she's 7weeks pregnant and has been on the pill for several months. I guess nothing is 100% accurate.

 

E - November 15

I am sure your cousin's attorney will use your pregnancy against you. They will take whatever they can get. Sc_mbags. What a disgusting pig your cousin is. Rape is bad enough but to rape a relative is beyond comprehension. Let me know what the doctor says. I am waiting patiently with you:)

 

Tracy - November 15

He nearly raped me hun. It was attempted rape. I thought his attorney would use anything he can to win for my cousins. It is disgusting when they just turn on you like this. The weird thing is I hardly spoke to him. I never liked him and just put up with him for my grandmothers sake. Gawd its so weird how guys get these ideas into their heads. Dont worry I'll let you know what the doctor says. I dont think I'll get my results until Friday morning. I just hope the doctor doesn't phone my house up. I'd die if she did! I'll tell her I'll give her a call. That should be allright. I'll definitely let you know what happens. Thanks a lot. :)

 

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