What Would You Do

10 Replies
leah - October 27

hi, i have a friend who became really emotionaly when her and her bf broke up. about a week later she found out she was preg. she did not feel ready for another emotional rollercoaster in her life. she wieghed all the pros and cons about the situation. she determined what she wanted to do. she did not tell her ex or myself (& im her best friend) what her plan of action would be. now i realize why. she decided that an abortion was the right answer. :( i don't know why. i told her over the phone myself i would help her with the baby. i know that her ex would have liked to be in the baby's life. I'am so disgusted with her right now. i still will be friends with her but need time to chill. how would you go about this situation?

 

leah - October 27

i know how you feel. i am still really p__sed too. i haven't exactly had the time to talk to her about it. i just wanted some advice on what i should say or do when i do see her. i'm not even too sure on the facts if she did want to get back with him or not. they were together for 2 1/2 yrs. the brake up was rough. but this situation won't make it any better if they did want to get back together. i told her she should've told him about the prego

 

MIMI - October 27

it kinda was wrong of her to juss do the abortion because they broke up although i agree she shouldve told him,but dont be mad at her she prolly was going through so much an was bugged out and didnt no wich way to go and went the wrong way... just be there for her the best way possiable.. she might have been going through a harddd time... she prolly regrets it now. juss be a good friend

 

Nece - October 27

Excuse me but what the hell has it got to do with you? It was her decision and you have no right to be feeling so sorry for yourself. She made a decision that was best for her, this wasn't your baby and however much you say you would have helped her it was still her sole responsibility. She was very hurt and was thinking rationally about what to do. I know its hard if you are against abortion but you must put your judgemental feelings aside and be there for her. She is your best friend. She is probably feeling very low at the moment and needs all the support she can get. If you cannot deal with it, leave her alone and let her find some real friends.

 

Daile - October 28

Leah, although I understand how you feel, you have to realize why she didn't tell you. I'm sure, since you are best friends, that she knew you thoughts about abortion. Personally, I agree with you, but not everyone does. She made a decision that is going to be with her emotionally for the rest of her life, just like a baby would have been there physically. Even though you feel disgusted, you need to understand that she is probably feeling really c___ppy now too. Talk to her without condemning her. Tell her how you feel, and then LISTEN to how she feels. If you are really her best friend, then you should be there for her, because she needs you more now than she ever has before.

 

leah - October 28

to Nece, well thankyou for your outragiously rude comments. i feel somewhat offended right now, considering what me and my friend have gone through in the past few years. we share everything, it still concerns me that she did not completly think things through. she just had one thing set on her mind and it was herself. i am not completly upset with her but do wish she had not done what she did. i do not feel sorry for myself but for her. it was her decision and i suppose what she did was the best for her. ? well regardless i am still her friend and always will be no matter what. personaly you do not know us so you honestly shoulden't be judgemental about such a sensitive subject. i still talk with her but she really wants to be left alone right now. we plan to go to the movies tonight to help her get things off her mind right now then we'll talk about everything. ehat i was hoping for most was someone that would give me advice on how to talk with her without making her feel worse than what she already does.

 

E - October 28

Leah, stop feeling offended about her biz and let her know that when and IF she is ever ready to talk with you about what happened, you will listen and be non-judgemental. If that is possible... I am not sure since you are so "disgusted" with her.

 

Katie - October 28

You should be there for your friend, if that's what she wanted you should be happy for her. This is about her not you and your feelings.

 

Nece - October 29

Well I'm sorry but thats not how it sounded in your original post. You said you were disgusted with her. You may not agree with her decision, but why would you feel disgusted? She's your friend. My post was harsh (not 'outragiously rude') because I think you needed to hear it put like that, you obviously don't know how your post came across. You must expect answers you don't agree with because people reading your post do not know the full story. They are just stating their view on what you have put. Sorry for being honest. Me and a friend have been in the same position. If she doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, respect that but just let her know you will be there when she does want to talk. She just needs to know you are there and can be supportive. Try to be sensitive. She may be feeling very low and guilty and unsure she's done the right thing. She may even feel ashamed and thats where your att_tude to it could upset things. My post was not intended to offend you, just to try and make you realise how she may be feeling.

 

LEAH - November 4

to nece thankyou for your apology it helps. well i was confused and upset when i wrote the post now my friend and myself are back to normal. i mean its always on both of our minds and everything but we just decided to put it in our past. she explained her decision to me when she was ready to talk. i listend and understod and came to accept her end decision. she definaltly feels ashamed and decided not to tell the "father" i suppose it would be better that way. she will not have to deal with the shame of him hating her even more and him spreading things across the town or calling her names and stuff like that. i feel better as a friend and person knowing that i helped her to begin to overcome this ordeal with everyones help. i just want to thankyou for giving it to me straight out. (no pun intended) i suppose that sometimes you do need to hear the good with the bad whether you want to or not. take it or leave it but its all been said. im out and thankyou for everyones support.

 

Nece - November 4

Well done Leah, I know it must have been hard for you. It takes a strong person to put their feelings aside. Your friends lucky to have you.

 

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