Which Is The Quot Right Quot Choice

7 Replies
Marie - March 22

Im 19, and I just found out that Im pregnant. The reason Im posting this is because I need advice on the father of my baby. I told my boyfriend that abortion is really not an option for me, and that I want to keep this baby. He tells me that he can't be a father, and that if his parents find out about this they will kick him out and that he will have nowhere to go, and no way to see me or to support the baby. I feel really guilty, because I care for him so much, and I don't want to put him in a bad situation that he really doesn't want to be in. I know he doesn't think that keeping the baby is a good idea, but I just can't have an abortion. He told me that it is my decision, and that I should make the "right" choice. (what I think is right) But how can I make the right choice if I don't know what the right choice is? Both of them seem really horrible to me. He told me he would "try" for me, but I still feel really guilty....What can I do?

 

Audrey - March 22

Marie- In a situation like this I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" choice. You have to think about what's best for you and your child. If you keep it, will you be able to afford the expenses that come along with it? Will you be able to finish college? Do you know if your family will be supportive of any decision you make? It doesn't matter if your bf can't or won't be a father, he still is one and needs to show more support for you instead of putting the entire weight of the decision on your shoulders. Best of luck!

 

Grandpa Viv - March 22

Your boyfriend is being manipulative instead of supportive. He's making it sound as though it will be more difficult for him to tell his parents than for you to tell yours. Of course they won't kick him out. They may even insist that he buckle down and start figuring out how to support the child. Let me guess that one of the adults in your childhood was manipulative, too, and you have learned to accommodate that trait. On the flip side, you have to decide whether it is more important for you to carry this baby now you have conceived, or for you to make sure that the babies you do have are given the best possible start in life. It's a tough decision. Mail [email protected] if you want to talk about it more.

 

becca - March 22

dp whats right for U no body can tell you the choice for you because we just dont know the only person who does is you just make sure u pick the right one and think alot about all of them

 

Marie - March 22

I don't want you all to get the wrong idea, my boyfriend is very supportive in whatever decision I make. I just know that if I do keep this baby, that things will be really hard for both of us. He told me that he is really not ready to be a father, and I feel the same way about being a mother, but I really can't have an abortion. Thats just not something I would ever do. Im not a very talkative person...I don't like to talk about things that are bothering me, and when I do talk about them I feel like I can't get the words out. Does anyone have any advice on how I can tell my parents that Im pregnant? (and his parents)

 

Mizzy - March 22

Marie its not all your fault he had to help in some kind of way...So yea well dont take it all out on yourself...

 

Grandpa Viv - March 22

Marie, you are talking yourself into an adoption situation, which is just fine. In fact I think it is by far the smartest solution. It is also the most difficult. Domestically there are ten abortions for each adoption (or more). Once you have carried a child for 9 months its the hardest thing in the world to give it up. Check out birthmother.org to get started. An open adoption is a cool way to go if you want to keep in touch with the baby, but this kind of adopting mom is harder to find as they fear you will change your mind. As far as the parents are concerned, tell the easiest one first (your mom?) Since you stumble over words (but write well), you can do it with a letter spilling out your regrets, your fears and your hopes. Slip it in a nice I Love You card and leave it where she will find it, read it, and have an hour or two to adjust to her new world before you get to talk. Good luck!

 

Sarah - March 22

This is not about your boyfriend... what? He is just going to stand there and deny the whole thing so he doesnt have to wear the responsibility. I am really sorry sweet, but your boy sounds like a complete drop kick in the fact that he so easily seems to just be able to abandon you like that. The right choice is the choice that in 10 years time still sits comfortable with you!! You and you alone need to make this decision, and his situation.... well hes a big boy, he needs to wake up and accept that he is a father. If he doesnt, and you are left to do this on your own, he is the one that looks like a complete b___d. Good Luck and dont let anyone manipulate you!!!!!!!!!

 

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