Why Haven T I Gotten Pregnant

63 Replies
jasy - October 24

when i was younger i had two abortions, one when i was 13 and one when i was 16. my parents forced me to get the first one but the second one was my choice. any way, now i want to have a baby. i have only been trying for about three months now and i wanted to know how long should i try before i seek professional help or any other methods. i don't think there is anything wrong with the male because i have used five different men in the three months and all have failed. i think something is wrong with me but i don't know if i should start worrying yet becuase i hear that worry allows you not to get pregnant when you really want it. can anyone help me by giving me some tips of what may have worked for them. Thanks!

 

Tam - October 24

You shouldn't be trying to get pregnant to FIVE different guys should you? Personally, I don't think you seem stable enough to consider being a parent

 

B - October 24

How old are you now and what is your hurry? You really should not try to have a baby w/ whoever is handy...five men in three months???? What kind of envirement would you be bringing this baby into? Things happen for a reason and maybe there is a reason this is not happening to you right now.

 

Brianna - October 24

they always say that abortions can effect you having kids in the future. also if you have only been trying for 3 months then why are you worried it took me almost 8 months with my boyfriendand now i am almost 5 months pregnant. if you werent ready for those other two children then what makes you think you are ready for this one if you are just jumping around with guys considering they could have std's or something else, i would think about what your doing before you continue because you dont seem mature enough to have a child if you obviously don't care about your health or your future baby by sleeping with tons of guys

 

jasy - October 24

i am 18. i don't need a man to help me with the baby. after my second abortion i promised myself that i would never let that happen again and that i would make it up to god for what i did to his baby. i am independent and i want to have a baby while young becuase when i become a lawyer it won't be the best thing for my career to have a baby then. at least by that time the child will be like five or older and I won't have to take time off from work. the reason i have used five different guys is that i am choosing guys i don't know purposely so i can have an excuse of not telling them they are the father. i am perfectly capable of taking care of a baby and i will always have the help of freinds and family. As far as stds, i just kinda hope that none of the guys have hiv. i can live with the idea of getting any other disease though.

 

- October 25

sometimes after abortions, it can make it so u can never get pregnant again

 

Jbear - October 25

It would be a lot easier to get through school and get pregnant later. You can't really imagine how hard it is taking care of a baby, it leaves you with no time for anything. If you're trying to have a baby to make up for your abortions, maybe the reason you haven't gotten pregnant yet is that god doesn't think this is the right time in your life. Maybe the reason that you're sleeping with so many different guys is that you're punishing yourself by risking your health. You don't deserve to get hiv or herpes just because you've had two abortions. I'm sure you did what was best for you at the time. You should do what's best for you now, and wait until you have an education and a husband before you have a baby.

 

J - October 25

I had my first at 17. I was very independent and am a very good mother. In fact I surprised everyone who found out how young I was because I took such good care of my daughter. I dont regret having her or my others (at 19 and 21)

 

J - October 25

sorry - hit submit on accident ---- Like I said, I dont regret it at all but one thing I did regret was not having any freedom. You might think its no big deal now but you might later. I missed being able to drop whatever I was doing and hanging out with my friends or shopping at the mall with what little money I earned... instead I spent it on diapers and other things. Take a break from trying and think a little more. Be selfish now and enjoy doing what you want to do when you want to do it!!

 

Ugh - October 25

She IS being selfish right now. It's all about what is good for HER. Please! Jasy, grow up a bit and if you think you are that mature enough to have a child...then start thinking of the child. You want a kid with no father, but not only that who won't even know who the father is???? Stop trying to f-k up a kids life just to make your own more convenient. You mentioned "making it up to God" as if you are religous. You think that is what your "God" would want you to do? You need a slap and a serious wake up call! >:(

 

prada - October 25

i understand where you are coming from but i think you are being unrealistic about the situation and that misrepresents your situation. it seems to me that you regret what you did and just want to make up for it. I think that you think your abortion was a mistake and now want to undo it. You can't undo. It's done. You sacrificed your baby for your own childhood. All you can do now is move on and learn from your mistakes.

 

prada again - October 25

ok i just read your second post so I have something else to say. You have proven me to be correct. You can't undo the past. You seem to have dreams and goals that are reachable even if you have a baby but why make it harder on yourself. College is the best time of your life. Enjoy your freedom and live your life. As far as the stds, if you catch hiv you will die. so who will be there for your baby when that happens. a child needs his mother even when he or she can take of themselves. You are putting yourself at risk to catch hiv by having unprotected s_x. Once it is caught you can't undo it. Once you make that mistake it can't be reversed like you are trying to reverse the mistake of getting an abortion. You will be killing yourself for no reason when you can just wait to have a baby with someone you love and who has been tested. Just be smart about your life especially when you are going to affect someone else's.

 

Bonnie - October 25

Why do so many people seem to think men are disposable? A child needs a mother AND a father. It is one thing for a mother to raise her child alone because the father was a no-good, dead-beat. A mother like that is put in a bad position and forced to do the best she can. But a mother that would purposely deny her child a father because it's not suitable to her life-style later on? It's sick and wrong and I truely feel sorry for the child and the non-existent father who will never get to know his own child. Jasy, my words may sound harsh and cruel and I am sorry for that. But what you are planning to do is harsh and control and you seriously need to rethink your situation. I am hoping you are truely not this kind of person and that maybe you have just made a rash decision and didn't take enough time to consider the child. But please do think about this because anyone who would do this would get my vote for bad mom of the year award. Please just chalk this up to a bad idea and move on. :(

 

Ugh - October 25

That was harsh and wrong not harsh and control. Sorry.

 

CAROL - October 25

Hey Bonnie, nice to see some opinions around here. However, you will not particularly be fond of me, since I have conceived my child out of wedlock, and a relationship of permanency. I consciously chose this. I do not feel you can make a broad, sweeping statement such as "a single mother... would get my vote for bad mom of the year award." I come from a home with two parents, still married. Their relationship is garbage and neither of them wish to do anything to fix it. I don't see a problem being a prominently single parent, as long as one does not become overly dependent on the child to fulfill their emotional needs.

 

Bonnie - October 25

I do not think it is wrong for someone to be a single parent. Let me clarify that before that gets taken out of context. There are many people in rotten relationships, fathers who decide "they can't deal with it", and so on. In these cases, the mother must do the best she can and I truely commend anyone who finds herself in these situations doing the best she can for the sake of her and her child. But to consciously chose to have a child with no father in the picture, to do it on purpose, I highly disagree with. Not because the mother might become dependent on the child, but because I believe children are far better off and have a need for two loving parents. In my own life, I never had a father in the picture and honestly, I never felt like I missed out as well....he was never there so I never knew what I was missing. I now have two beautiful step-children (and on on the way) and after seeing the relationship my husband has with his kids, their life has been a lot fuller than mine ever was........ Sometimes we cannot control things that happen in our lives. I certainly do not regret my own life. But for the mother to make the choice of not having the fatehr around simply because it is not convenient for her is wrong and in no way is she thinking of what is best for the child, only herself. To leave an abusive or bad relationship to make her and the child's life better is a completely different situation and comendable. But to treat the men as being disposable and not needed because mom doesn't want to wait, wants to be independent, is too busy with her career, etc. etc. is wrong. When a person decides to become a parent, they need to also think of the child's needs and what is right for them. To purposely have a child because you want one NOW and do not want to wait until the situation will be better for the baby is wrong. To think to yourself, "Well, other mothers have been placed in this situation as well and do okay, so even though it's not great, my kid will get over it." is wrong. Accidents can happen and we have to deal with them and do the best we can all the time. But to purposely and consciously do these things on purpose for one's own benefit without doing what is right for the child makes someone a bad parent in my book. Being a good mother means doing what is right for the child, even if it means having to sacrifice what you want. Harsh words, but I feel very strongly about it. At the very least, women making this choice should have a good long think at what they are doing (and who they are doing it for). IMO, a child has a need for both loving parents. Sometimes we cannot control what the father will do or be like and must do the best we can (even if that means raising the child alone). But to take the choice away from the father and child (without just cause) is a BAD move.

 

CAROL - October 25

I can see your point of view, and agree with it, in some cases. However, as I said, I came from a family with two parents, married, "in love", but not really. My mother talks to me about how she dislikes my father and how he probably thinks she's a "b___h". My father doesn't say much of anything, just sits infront of the tv, watched sports, grunts once in a while, and waves his hand in annoyance if anyone speaks to him. To me, this is a shoddy relationship, despite two parents. I don't believe children are necessarily at a disadvantage because they have "one parent". I feel it's a very case by case situation. Some single parents will suck, some won't. Some married couples will be great, some will be ridiculously inept.

 

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