Any Military Wives Or Anyone Lol I Need Some Help Advice

41 Replies
HeatherIsHopeful - June 3

Okay so I have been posting on this site since I first found out I was pregnant... I consider a lot of you ladies to be very close friends :) so I feel comfortable enough sharing my insecurities and problems with you all lol. this might get a little long so bear with me. alright, so as some of you know Im currently 38 weeks 3 days pregnant and my husband got deployed just before my third trimester... we are both pretty young (im 20 and he will be 23 june 19th) this is our first baby so needless to say its going to be an overwhelming and life changed event for the both of us when she finally gets here. DH will be back home in a few months and the baby will be about 3 months old by then. I will have had 3 months of bonding time and adjusting to the mommy lifestyle where as he will be shoved right into being a daddy as soon as he gets back. so my concern is that he will get stressed or overwhelmed or something when he gets back... I was really counting on our friends to kind of take him out every once in awhile and let him have his "guy" time to keep him sane, and baby sit so we can have some alone time as a couple also ( neither of us have ANY family in Texas where we live) but of our close friends ALL of them, and Im not kidding ALL of them are either deployed, getting deployed, will be deployed, getting re stationed or getting out of the military around the same time we are supposed to be getting back to Texas (I moved back with my om in Arizona when he lfet so I wouldnt be alone when I had the baby). so we will essentially be alone with a baby and Im soo worried that he will go crazy being home all the time (Im also concerned for me but I am good at making friends and Im sure I'll meet other moms soon enough) he is a bit anti social and Im worried I wont be able to entertain him all the time. Im sure most of these fears are normal anxiety from having a baby as well as having my husband come back from a deployment but I just dont know what to do. He is SOOO excited to have the baby and I know he loves me and everything but eventually I think he will want to go out with the guys and he wont have anyone to go with, and I know that eventually we will want some alone time and we wont have anyone to watch the baby. *sigh* any advice guys? how can I make the transition into daddyhood easier on him... if you have been through this then how did you make it easier for your hubby to adjust to the daddy life style? we got pregnant only about 2 months after we got married then he got deployed 5 months later so he didnt have much time to even adjust to married life and now he has to come back from being alone on a deployment to being married and a dad... am I over thinking this?? lol. help.. Im going out of my mind worrying that he will come back and decided he cant handle it or something (but I know thats not him) I just cant help but think it... gosh I hope this post makes sense LOL thanks guys! -Heather<3

 

fefer1 - June 3

hey heather - I am not a military wife at all but I think he'll be just fine! Military or not - you still get thrust into daddy or mommyhood. :) I think he's going to be so thrilled to be back with his wife and his new daughter!!! Especially since he got to skip some of the sleepless nights and all the crazy hormones. :) That's just my two cents - but maybe there are other military wives out there that can add to it. I think you'll be just fine.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 3

thanks fefer.. Im sure Im just freaking myself out... maybe normal deployment anxiety?? I imagine its "normal" to question this kind of stuff when we are separated for such a long time. I just want to make it as easy for him as I can. it doesn't help that ALL our friends will be gone when we get back. we had such a close knit group in Texas and they are getting scattered all over the world, and Im going to miss them :( I have you guys.. but yall cant baby sit lol. also our only married couple friends are splitting up and Im taking it really hard. DH and I both from from divorced families and our friends have ben together for like 10 years, hey were my "proof" that marriages can last and they are splitting up... I guess it kind of made me doubt my own relationship on some level.

 

fefer1 - June 4

you poor thing - that is tough not having friends around and stuff. My husband doesn't have lots of friends he hangs out with here if it makes you feel any better. He grew up in Kansas and has only been here about 13 years - and he basically spends his time at home or with MY family. :) You will have some time to find some mommy groups while he's gone and maybe you can find someone to babysit by the time he gets back and you can have "couple" time. :) I bet it's stressful though, being apart so long. Well if you come to Washington you'll have lots of family to keep him happy - and I'll give ya guys a break. :)

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 4

yeah.. my hubby has always been kind of a loner lol and usually doesnt mind staying home but sometime he likes to get out and such. In all honestly Im sure he'll adjust to not having our friends around better than I will LOL Im mostly worried he wont have anyone to vent too... most of our friends went through Basic training with him and they work in the same office as him so they vent about work and military stuff that I have NO CLUE about lol. With them gone he wont have anyone to talk to who knows what the heck he is talking about. half the c___p he yells about with his friends are stuff Im not "allowed" to know so he wont be able to really vent about work with me. I think it will stress him out eventually. he HATES his office and his friends were really the only thing keeping him sane there.. I sure hope we get re stationed soon LOL

 

fefer1 - June 4

:) How much longer is he in for? I would go crazy without friends around much more than my husband. He always can find something to do or work on - I get bored and need to vent. :) But I'm a girl, that's what we do! haha..well, I think we're the only two on the forum tonight. anyways, I'm sure he's gonna be so excited to have a baby girl to play with and she'll be so cute and adorable when he gets there he won't want to do anything else but play with her. :) He's gonna be so excited to be back!!!

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 4

he still has about 2 and a half years left for this deployment. he isnt sure what he wants to do when its up but he KNOWS he doesnt want to stay in the air force... he has been talking about switching to the army, going to school, moving back to Washington.. who knows. I told to do whatever he wants, I'll follow him anywhere :) I think you are right... its prety much just you and me tonight... thats funny too cause Christie is so sure you and I will be next to have our babies and we are the only two sitting here on the computer LOL I agree that my hubby will be so preoccupied with the baby that he wont really notice our friends being gone (at least not to much) he always said he was never really sure (till he met me) that he wanted to get married but he ALWAYS knew he wanted kids. she already has him wrapped around her finger hehe

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 4

gah not deployment.. I meant enlistment LOL that would be one LOOOONG deployment..

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 4

Well, I sent my hubby an email expressing my concerns with him and he sent this back. """You and Kaelyn are all the company I'll ever need."""" one sentence but its enough for me :)

 

fefer1 - June 4

see - I told you. :) He sounds so sweet. :)

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 4

he is sweet fefer... just doesnt say much LOL. I sent him probably 7 or 8 emails over the past week that he was been gone playing solider and he sent that one sentence back. it means a lot to me but sometimes I wish he would "talk" to me. Im such a girl about stuff like that though lol.

 

preggosauce - June 4

Hi Heather! I posted on one of your threads awhile ago about Tricare (don't know if you remember me). Anyway, I went through a VERY similary situation. My hubby was deployed to Iraq when I was 7 months pregnant and didn't come home until our daughter was 12 months old. (He saw her once for 2 weeks on r & r when she was 5 months). I was worried about the same things you are...that my husband would be overwhelmed with being thrown into the Daddy role. Plus, I was worried that I would be jelous that I had to now "share" our daughter, because I had her all to myself for a year. The transition though, when it finally came...wasn't bad. Yes, we hit some hard spots, and my husband wanted SO badly to just fit right into the family again. It took some time though for our daughter to recognize that this new person was a permanent part of her life. My suggestions to you are; Just make sure you send photo's constantly of the new baby after its born. Talk to you husband about what its like being a new parents...and try to involve him in as much as you can. It WILL be an adjustment when he comes home. The good news is, your little one will only be a few months old, and won't know the difference really. I wouldn't worry so much about "guy time" If he needs it, and has friends to go out with, sure...but I wouldn't stress over it. He'll be so happy to be home with his wife and new baby. I would suggest that the two of you go out alone though...as hard as it may be, try and find a babysitter a couple times a month so you two can go out and be together. Keep me posted on how things go! You can always e-mail me too...Jamiedavis9 at aol dot com.

 

fefer1 - June 4

oh and heather, you could build a web site with pictures of her and update it regularly so he knows how things are going with her life. I have one for Rachel, it's actually a blog, and I love it! Family can see how she's changing regularly. Just an idea. :)

 

cors1wfe - June 4

Your husband sounds like a real keeper - one thing my mom did when I was a baby (my dad was in the Navy and on a cruise deployment) she showed me a large picture of my dad in his uniform - and said - kiss daddy - she did this quite often a few times a day at least - well when we went to pick him up from the ship - she handed me to him and said kiss daddy - AND I WENT RIGHT TO HIM AND KISSED HIS FACE!! It was like I had always known him - so if was in that situation I would definitely try it you have nothing to lose! Good luck!

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 4

preggosauce, I do remember you :) thanks sooo much for your story! we got really lucky that his deployment is a 'short' one and the baby will only be 3 months old when he gets back... sucks that you dh missed the first year! Fefer, I have a piczo started and I plan to fill that with pictures and he checks my myspace all the time. I also email him pictures (he loves my belly pictures LOL) cors1wfe, I already have a little album of pictures of him that I will show her every day.. she will probably be to young to really understand who he is but it will make me feel better :) Oh.. I also plan to b___stfeed but I want to bottle feed a bit too so that when he gets home he can have feeding time to bond with her. he is so excited to be a daddy so I want to involve him when I can, I just don't want to overwhelm him.

 

HeatherIsHopeful - June 5

I have another question for you wonderful ladies :) I plan to video tape my delivery and all that for my hubby so he can see it and all that.. my question is should I send him a DVD (he has my laptop that plays DVDs) while he is there so he can see it or should I send him pictures and give him the DVD when he gets back? the logical answer is to send it to him as soon as possible but Im worried that if he gets it while he is there and still has three months to go it will make him even more sad that he missed it all.. where as pictures would make him happy to see his baby and wont upset him as much as listening to me scream and him not be able to hold my hand and stuff... then when he gets home he can watch the video and "experience" it with us. I'm going to email him and ask him what he thinks.. but I wanted some opinions on it too. thanks guys!!

 

snickelfritz - June 6

I'd save the video footage for his return. Pics with no sound are probably better while he's there. I wanted to let you know that the "good" thing (if you can say that) about when he's coming back is that you'll have a pretty good routine down by then. Typically, the first two months are the hardest in motherhood, but after that it seems that things start to settle in a bit. One suggestion I have is to contact your FRG leader and let her know about your concerns. She might be able to suggest someone who could take care of the baby while you and your DH have a night out every now and then. Also, does your DH have any friends in his unit? I imagine that when he gets home, so will other guys that he can hang out with. So, even though it seems all your friends are leaving, he'll be "bringing some home" with him. My husband will be leaving for Ranger School about a month after this baby is born and when he gets back, he'll deploy soon after (12 months). But what I'm really thankful for is that he'll be here for the birth. I'm so sorry that you'll be doing that without your husband. Again, GL to you and thank you to you and your DH for his service!

 

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