Divorce 29wks Pregnant Help Feel Alone

9 Replies
lucy - August 4

Please is anyone out there, i feel so alone, my husband of two years a few days ago (and he forgot) is no husband to me, he shows me no affection, never talks about the baby, lies about smoking weed then complains he doesnt have any money, he doesnt make me happy attall, but i am scared to leave him as he is not from this country, his 2 year visa expires in october, when our baby is due, so now i either say we are a loving couple and get him his visa or divorce him now and he will never be able to live in this country again, he never helps around the house and gets drunk at every opportunity and comes home in a state. i just cant imagine doing this to my baby, i have to protect her, but then if i say to him leave now she will never have her father in her life, please any suggestions, sat at home very alone.

 

Julie - August 4

Sounds like my sister in laws X Husband. She made the mistake of having 3 kids with him and is finally divoreced. I can only tell you it doesn't get any easier he probably will not change. Her X was also from a different country and now that they are divorced he causes her more pain and grief. If you are sure of yourself I'd divorce him now. Do you have support from your family?

 

lucy - August 4

my brother and sister know of the problems, im just scared as its so final, he will never be able to live here or see him baby, i want him to be different but he seems incapable, i know my parents would support me, but i would feel like i let everyone down including myself, and money would be real tough and i would have to sell the house, go on benefits of return to work after a few months and put my baby in a nursery, ive waited all my life for a baby and to stay at home to bring them up and part of me thinks when its me and baby at home in the day i can just ignore my husband and night and put up with the marriage.

 

lucy - August 4

this is never how i thought my life would end up, but you cant start again once you have a baby

 

Julie - August 4

My sis thought he same thing she always thought she could handle it but once her kids were all born she couldn't do it all on her own. Her husband even hid money from her and told her they didn't have any to buy the things they needed. He hardly ever came home before midnight and when he did he was drunk. She is soo happy now and met a really nice man who loves her kids. But her x is a total a__s who keeps causing trouble.

 

lucy - August 4

thanks julie, its always harder to face the truth than to bury your head in the sand though, thanks for replying

 

Julie - August 4

I just know how hard it is. My husband is wonderful with a great job and he loves our family. We have a 3 year old and one on the way. I just know how hard being a stay at home mom can be. I have never really had any help because my husband works so much and my family live far away. We have a great marriage and I still feel alone at times and I don't have to deal with a jerk for husband. Good luck to you!

 

leslie - August 4

I am very sorry lucy to hear this... it breaks my heart. but I have to tell you that i have seen cases like this and they don't end up good at all. First of all, he could at least 'act' to be nice since you are getting him a visa, since he doesn't even seem to care..why should you care? I am telling you this is going to get worse not better, once he has his papers in order he is probably going to cheat on you or even leave you! I am sorry I have to tell so straight up but its better for you to know this now, now that you can do something! I hope you leave him! I am sure he is going to come begging for you not to but you know why? only for the visa..if you don't believe me try it. and what are you so afraid of, you say he spends all his money on weed! Things may even turn out violent. I know you may think is so easy to write b/c i am not in your situation and you are right it is, but you know what it is also esier for people who is outside the problem to tell how bad it is. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

minx - August 5

I say...divorce him. It may be unfortunate your baby may not know him up close-- but what is really there to know? His bad habits and seeing how he is mistreating you??? Best for him to be far away. If he does want to contact you from another country and want a relationship with your child (somehow) later on at least you have the chance to build a fresh new life for you and your daughter without the problems of an irresponsible, uncaring, louse of a 'husband'. I'm sure in time when your child is older, she will understand you'd done this for her (and your) best interest.

 

Justine - August 5

Lucy - I'm sorry to hear what you're going though. I know a woman in France who had a similar situation. She was a single mother with a 10 year and this foreign guy agreed to marry her. He needed to be married for her for 2 years to get a French pa__sport - the day he got it, he left her. Basically he used her for the pa__sport - its quite common in France sadly. I think hard as it will be you should leave him - someday you'll find someone a lot better who deserves you. In the meantime join antenatal cla__ses and other groups to meet people and maybe spend sometime with your family. Hope things work out for you.

 

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