Divorce And Pregnancy-pg123129203965

5 Replies
crissy23 - January 6

Hey everyone. My question has many factors, I will try to include the most important ones. My husband and I have been married just over a year now and things are disasterous. I am 6 1/2 months pregnant. I have lost twins before (but they were before I met my husbands). He and I were married much too soon, I was vulnerable because of the loss of my children and there he was. He is in the army and is currently deployed in Iraq. He has an alchohol abuse problem and financial issues. Being that he drank away all of our money and was verbally and somewhat physically abusive I ended up cheating on him unfortunately. He has put holes in each of our apartments. He had an affair while I was pregnant. We knew that I was pregnant after four weeks because we almost lost the baby. During the time of my first trimester he put us into further debt and we were evicted from our apartment. Our phones were shut off, our electricity, everything. I had to walk to work because we didn't have money for gas because he stole it out of my wallet for beer and cigerette money. I had to live off of ramen noodles and spaghetti because of him. Finally my parents moved me down to stay with them until his deoployment came in October. ( I finally fessed up to all the problems we were having). He is now only 21 and I am 23. Currently he is deployed in Iraq. Only after he deployed did we both come clean about our ill fated adultery. We fight constantly and I am under extreme duress. He is still verbally abusive. We have discussed divorce, and it has been difficult. I don't know what to do anymore. I have been having major pains lately, I think they are contractions from the amount of stress i am under. As of now I do not have money saved up because I have been paying off his past debts and with the job I currently have I do not make enough money on my own to support myself. I am in a bind because I do not yet have my college degree. I have my CNA (Certified nurses aid) but I cannot find a job anywhere because I am so far along in my pregnancy. What am I to do? We fight daily, and I am afraid for the health of myself but more importantly my baby. Please help me by giving your much appreciated advice! Thank You.

 

Megan P - January 7

That BLOWS! Doesn't the army pay for your rent and stuff though? I don't know but my sister-in-law's hubby is in the army and they get a lot of perks. You should do what's best for your health and for the baby now before it is too late and you end up like my sister, trapped in a marriage she hates, head over heels in debt, her 4 year old girl suffering since Mom and Dad don't talk and Mom doesn't come home much cuz she's cheating on dad etc.... She's trapped. And now her daughter is involved and loves her dad deeply. He's a good father, bad husband. So, I'd think hard about this now before you might disrupt a kid's routine......Good luck

 

FlyBear - January 7

Megan, military does pay housing but unless you live on base they don't directly pay for it, it goes to your paycheck like normal pay and you are still responsible to pay your rent and bills on your own.

 

kmoselle - January 8

If you do decide to leave him, you can get child support. And you can get it straight from his pay, rather than having to rely on him to pay you. Right now it sounds like your best option would be to stay with family and take time to decide for yourself what will be best for you and baby in long run. Have you guys tried counseling? Army should have a chaplain you could talk to or go to the family support center. How long before he comes back from Iraq? How are you guys fighting while he is over there- phone or email? Can you ignore those for a week or so until you get your and baby's health stable? Just know we are all here for you! Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

 

crissy23 - January 8

I moved back to my hometown near my family, which has been very helpful. We fight via phone and e-mail. I told him that I didn't think that he should call me as often, just until we both calm down. I'm still trapped though, because I never know when or if he is going to move the funds elsewhere. He has started to spend money again, he spent almost $500 in three days, and I have no idea what on. He will not be returning for 9-10 months. He is due to return Oct/Nov 2009. He needs counseling too, or he will never change. He won't go to the Chaplain, even though I have begged him to several times. He is required by law to support me because he is in the military, but after some reserch was done that amount is only $200.00 per month! I will have to wait it out day to day I guess to see what happens. Things are looking pretty grim as of now.

 

kmoselle - January 8

He would be obligated to pay, period. Military or not, fathers have to support their children. But $200 a month!?!? Are you sure? Have you gone through Child Support Enforcement? I would go through your state and not the military for that. My DH pays over $1200 a month! My sister gets $975 a month! Your state should have a child support calculator online. I'd go through them and calculate and then make an appointment. I know that you don't get it until baby is born, but you can start the process now and get the information you need- I think it takes a while for it to process. I don't like to see anyone get screwed, especially when it comes to babies. I hope everything turns out for the best, but we women have to prepare for the worst. My dh and I are still madly in love and very happy, but stuff happens so we already have a child support agreement in place- just in case we break up. I see how his ex screwed him over in child support- seriously- $1200 a month!!! That's a lot of money for 2 kids who do not need day care, but she gets $450 a month for a day care allowance anyway!!! Ridiculous! And my sisters child support does NOT include day care, which she does pay for. Good luck!!!

 

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