Feeling So Alone Sobbing As I Write This Please Respond

11 Replies
Chrissy - May 15

I just don't know what to do anymore. My hormones are going crazy and I am just crying my eyes out. I went to the doctor today and found out that I'm 3 1/2 centimeters dilated and 80 % efffaced. This is the good news, because I am getting induced on Wednesday at 7 am, and ofcourse any progress I make on my own first is good! The reason I am so sad, is because I just feel so alone. I feel like all of the problems I have had throughout this pregnancy, I have dealt with on my own, except of course for all of you wonderful people in here that have helped me enormously. The reason I am so alone, is that my husband commited an act of adultery when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. I found out about it right away. It has been killing me ever since. We have been going to counseling, and I have been trying to be happy and try to work things out, for the sake of our baby. It's just that I know that if I wasn't pregnant, I would have never stuck around, and all along I have known that as soon as I have the baby I am probably going to be so p___sed at him again and I'm not sure I will want to make this marriage work after all. I don't know. I really have no idea how I'll feel. Anyway, since then I have just felt like I have been dealing with everything all by my lonesome, even though he is here, it just isn't the same. I feel so sad. I hate him for kicking me when I was down. I have had a pretty rough pregnancy as I have had many complications such as some bladder issues early on, a hernia, preterm labor, I have an incompetent cervix, high blood pressure (Gee I wonder from what, or should I say, from who), and the list goes on and on, and of course I get to add marital problems to the list. Anyway, I have come to realize that my husband is selfish and immature (and he's 30, so he should grow up) and it seems like everything is about him. LIke he was saying the other day that he'll feel "weird" staying at the hospital. I was like, "most husbands do and I want you there", and he is concerned about whether or not they will bring him food, or if he can use the shower in my room, and how he doesn't think he'll be able to sleep. Then apparently today his sister called and offered to come stay with us for a week next week to help cook and clean. Now I realize that is sooooo nice of her to offer, but just being the way that I am, I know that I would feel bad having her do that stuff, and would feel like I have to entertain her, and frankly I would like to adjust to having my new baby home by myself, and don't want a houseguest for a week. So I told him that was very nice of her but that if I really needed anything I would probably just ask my mom to come over for a little bit to help me out. Well, of course he would rather have his sister here than my mom, and he would be more comfortable with that, so he got all irritated and quiet and I could tell that it bothered him that I would say that I would ask my mom, when his sister offered. I just felt like screaming at him that it's more about what I want than what he wants!! And it's more about what I am comfortable with! And I wouldn't feel bad asking my mom for stuff and wouldn't feel like I have to entertain her, where I would feel that way with his sister! I am just so sick and tired of him putting his own feelings first. The other thing that makes me so sad is that as I get closer to having our baby, I am so upset that after everything he has put me through, he is the one that's going to be in the delivery room with me supposedly supporting me. I just never imagined it this way. I always imagined that when I gave birth I would beso happy and inlove with my husband, and not angry, hurt and resentful. I am trying so hard to not feel this way, so I can get through this but I feel like it's getting worse the closer I get to delivery. I just don't know what to do. Sorry this went on forever, I guess I don't know what I expect anyone to say, but I just needed to get it off my chest I guess. :(

 

Laurabb4 - May 15

Hi Chrissy, I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear things have been challenging for you. I have not been through what you are going through. But Being pregnant on top of it does not help at all. I will pray for you and your family. I hope your delivery goes well. I would choose my mom over my husbands sister any day! It was a nice offer but I would choose my mom! Take things one day at a time and worry about you and your baby!

 

angelbebe - May 15

OH sweetie. Sounds like you are close to delivering too. I can only imagine that what you are dealing with would be hard enough not being pregnant, but then throw pregnancy hormones on top of it!! Yikes. I sometimes don't think I would have made it this far with sanity if it wasn't for my husband being so patient and supportive. Some men just don't know how to deal and they do things to hide (like affairs, work, etc...). Is he willing to work at this? Glad to hear you guys are getting some counseling. Wow, not sure what advice I can give you, except do whatever you need to do for yourself at this time. Take long baths, spend time with girlfriends, think about the precious gift getting ready to enter to world and the unconditional love you will feel for him/her. Do whatever you can to put you first. Don't think everything has to be fixed with him right now. Take care of yourself first. You can't know what is going to happen and the changes he will go through when this is all over. Give it some time. Take one day at a time and breath in and out. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. Good luck and can't wait to hear about your new baby!

 

marie - May 15

Chrissy I am so sorry for what happened. I cannot say that I know how it feels because I really don't. I just want to say to be strong for yourself and for your baby. I hope that things will turn out better for you. Good luck!!

 

CyndiG - May 15

Chrissy, I'm so sorry this happened to you! I agree, it is about you and what you want and not about him. You just need to stand up to him and tell him that. Try not to use the "you've really been a jerk and if nothing else you owe this one thing to me" card, but if you have to, honey trump him with it! In both instances, him staying with you at the hospital, and your mom coming instead of his sister. But, I agree you should wait till after the baby comes, and your mind clears before you make any drastic decisions. I know from experience that you're not yourself until about a year after the baby. Then you slowly start to become yourself again. I'm not saying wait a year, and I'm definately not saying be all lovey dovey, but I am saying to give yourself a little time to make a rational decision about your marriage. I know this doesn't help much, but for what it's worth, you are TOTALLY in the right! Just pray hard and God will show you the right thing to do. Good luck and again I'm so sorry!

 

Chrissy - May 15

Thank you all so much. It really does help just to have people care, even if it's total strangers! I am just trying to calm down, for my baby's sake, and sort of trying to center myself, put things into persepctive, and think about how excited I am that I will be meeting my little one soon. I just feel so bad for all the stress my poor baby has already gone through just because of what I have gone through. I think I just need to sit quiet for a while and think. Thank you all so much for your kind words. I will let you know when I have my baby!

 

3babies - May 15

Hi Chrissy, I too have not been in your situation, but just wanted to say that I'm sure all of your feelings are perfectly normal. You are NOT over reacting, and yes, this time is about you and the baby ... He is there to support you, whether he's uncomfortable or not! I know it would be really hard, but I would try to put all thoughts of the marriage and past to the back of my mind just for a definitive amount of time (maybe even write feelings down now put them in a box and put it away, just say for 3 months). Give yourself time to focus on healing yourself and getting to know your baby, and involve your husband as much as you feel you can at the time. When your hormones settle a little you really need to look at whether both of you want the marriage to work and what you both need to do to achieve it. I know it's terrible timing, and thats something that he needs to recognise and validate, that he has taken what has supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life from you. If you really focus on your baby you have a much better chance of not letting him take all that joy from you. Good luck and lots of hugs ...

 

pwd3mama - May 18

I am so sorry to hear that something that is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life is made to be a disappointment. I have to say though that I admire you for being so strong and trying to work things out with your sorry to say b___d loser of a husband. I mean anyone that could do that to their wife that is pregnant with his child is not worth anything. I hope that you enjoy your day and not let your husband spoil the happiest day of your life the birth of your child good luck with everything and I hope your make a choice based on the best interest of you and your new baby.

 

ash2 - May 18

chrissy i had a friend that went through the same thing and she left her husband while pregnant with the support of her mom and sis, and didnt not tell him untill the day she went into labor. i guess it took the " scare of actually losing her to wake him up. i am sooo sorry to hear about this. but honestly , honey do not think that you have to have a man to help raise a baby b/c if he is going to be unfaithful to you, then the best thing you can give that baby is a peaceful home , and it is better for that baby to have a home where there is no fighting than having it's parents fight constantly. if he changes, good for you , but from the sounds of it , it looks like he still needs a kick in the rear and a wake up call...... good luck sweetie.

 

eli83 - May 18

If I were you, I would leave my husband right away. a husband who isn't faithful to his pregnant wife, will never be faithful again. and after the baby comes things will only get worse with him. so, you better be straight to him and do not scare of anything. try to find emotional support from you parents, sister, brother and friends and if you have none of these support , pray to God. Don't forget to be strong and happy because God is giving you the best present ever. after you have your baby,do lots of exercise, go out with your child, try to forget your past. remember you're the only one who can make a difference in your life and your baby's life.

 

miraclebaby - May 28

chrissy,, I am so sorry too, I feel sick for you. I can't even give you advice except for pray to god and ask him to guide you in the right direction. What the H--- was he thinking. LIsten keep your head on your shoulders and stay strong. God bless you and your baby take care.

 

Tiarali - May 28

Hey, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't know if I would have the strength to stay with my husband if I was in your shoes, but at the same time I value marriage, and wouldn't want to leave either. Just a bit of encouragement for if you are planning on sticking in there, my father also committed adultery when I was in primary school, my parents actually separated for a time and nearly got divorced. It was a long hard road but they worked things out with counselling and stuff. It's now over fifteen years later, and my parents are the best of friends and very happy together. Obviously Dad had to take responsibility for his actions, and it must have been hard on Mum, but they did get there... So yeah, it isn't a nice situation, but if you are able to make it work, then it is possible to still be happy together. I hope the best for you.

 

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