For Experieced Moms Advice On Jealousy

11 Replies
Tanya2 - June 12

Hi Mommy's, I have an 8 and a half month old born last Sept 25 and I'm pregnant again due Sept 2nd, both babies will be 11 months apart. I'm sure my daughter will have jealousy problems initially, she is our first and is totally spoilt. Since she is so young I don't think she will understand anything when the baby boy comes. Is there certain things that I can do to help smooth the transition better for her? Are there things I can do now or later on when the baby comes? I know one mom suggested that i spend one on one time with her as much as I can when the newborn comes and I do plan to do that. I'm really getting worried about this jealousy now and how i'm going to cope with two young ones. HOw do you guys do it??? Thanks and any advice would be appreciated.

 

Jamie - June 12

I don't personally have two children that close, but I have been told that tandem nursing is a great way to reduce sibling rivalry.

 

Nerdy Girl - June 12

We did everything the books and parenting articles said to do, and we still had horrible, horrible issues with our 3 year old daughter when our son was born. She was aggressive and violent, and only settled down when the baby was about 4 months old. My theory on the whole thing was that she was 3 and had been sort of "queen of the house" for 3 full years, so it was a really big tough adjustment. I personally think that it is to your advantage that your kids will be so close in age. The older one will still be a baby, too young to understand what is going on when the next baby comes.

 

Kim L - June 12

Hi Tanya. Sorry I can't be that much help, as I'm only pregnant with #1 right now. But I agree with both responses above! And especially with Nerdy Girl when she says that it may work to your advantage that your daughter is still so young and may not be able to understand what is going on as fully as an older sibling that is totally in touch with their jealous feelings and expressing them frequently. :-) Maybe it will be a bit more natural for her to share you with a new baby. I hope so! Good luck, it sounds like you will have your hands quite full!

 

Tanya2 - June 12

Thanks so much ladies. Sometimes I do think it might be easier to have a newborn and another young baby as opposed to a toddler but other times I am so scared on how i'm going to manage. One question though, what is tandem nursing?? I stopped b___stfeeding my daughter when she was 5 months since i was pregnant and was getting really exhausted. thanks again for your help and advice.

 

Nerdy Girl - June 12

Tandem nursing is nursing two kids at once.

 

Tanya2 - June 12

I don't think I can do that, nurse two kids at once. Plus my daugther is already weaned, thank God. She is an easy going baby and didn't have a problem switching to formula at all. Do many women tandem feed?? I admire them. I think it will be harder to do when one baby is older because they take more room and secondly they don't sit still for long enough. Thanks again.

 

torbman - June 12

Tanya2, I am expecting my third child very soon, and with my first two (girls) I always found that if I included the older one, in doing even the smallest of things, like changing the baby or singing to the baby, that that helped. If you make it a big deal like this is a big job and only she can do it, then she might not look at the baby as someone she will have to fight for Mom's attention with. She just wants to know that she is important too. Hope this helps. (Tamara)

 

Tanya2 - June 12

Thank you Tamara. My daughter will be 11 months old and i'm not sure she will be able to do much but I will make her feel included. I'm scared though, another question or should i say doubt in my mind is that will i love the new baby as much as my other baby, most books say it comes naturally but it still worries me. In my first pregnancy I was so focused on the baby now with this pregnancy I don't seem to care as much, as long as the baby is moving I am fine. However I saw a newborn the other day and I had some tingly feelings. Have you experienced any of this?

 

torbman - June 12

I sure have, but I think you will be just fine. With your second, it will be easier too becasue you already know what to expect and how to handle it. You will just be more comfortable with the child. With them being so close too, the pregnancy is not "new". Just as exciting but not new. I think we all feel more excited with our first becasue it's new. I am sure your daughter will haveher moments where she just wants you, just try to make sure that when baby is sleeping that you take some extra time with her. Even reading a book or playing with some toys on the floor with her. As long as she feels that she has your attention.

 

GLORIA - June 12

Time Management! Oh we worried so much with our 1st son when I found out I was preg. with our 2nd. He had been our only for 3 1/2 years. I would set a date for breakfast and lunch with my oldest son and try to do it when I wasn't nursing the baby and made sure he (the baby)was napping. And I'd try to do as many things with my oldest that I did before. Lay and watch a movie, get an ice cream, my husband also got him a dog around that time so he sort of had his own focus. He enjoyed getiing in bed with me in the mornings too. I would nurse the baby and read to both of them at the same time. He never acted spiteful or anything toward his baby brother. He helped me with soap and towels during babies bath time. And I'd 'purposefully' forget the baby's receiving blanket at nap time so he could be the hero and bring the blanket to warm his brother. Now that little baby brother is 7 1/2 and his big brother is 11 we are expecting boy # 3 and our 7 1/2 year old is feeling some uncertainty about this new little sibling who will join or family in about 5 1/2 weeks. I plan on using many of the same techniques as with before. Good luck hope I gave you some ideas.

 

Tanya2 - June 12

Thanks Gloria and Tamara. I'm glad to know that i'm not the only one having such doubts. Some days i'm really worried and scared, other days i'm excited. I guess when push comes to shove I will be able to manage. Thanks again.

 

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