Getting Ready For Baby

9 Replies
piratesmermaid - July 3

I can't take it anymore. I'm scared and excited about the upcoming birth of my husband and my daughter, but I also feel like the only one around! My husband's been working late nights since about my 36th week and now that he's made is deadline, he's sick. I have been needing his help desperately for quite sometime and it just seems like there is always something keeping him for helping me!! I know he doesn't do it on purpose. He did n't pick the deadline and he didn't ask to get sick, but it's (sorry if it's childish, but it's just how I feel right now) just not fair! I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant, carrying around a baby that my doctor has already said is going to be on the big side, I'm nauseated, everything hurts, I hace trouble breathing everytime I got up or down a flight of stairs (there are three levels in our house), my ankles and feet get so swollen they actually hurt when I walk, and yet I get no help from him in getting this house ready for the baby. Okay, I take that back. I have to twist his arm practically off to get him to pull the clothes ou tof the dryer or bring a stack of folded clothes up stairs or to get his work stuff out of the living room. It's driving me crazy! So I wind up probably doing more than I should. By the time I'm done my ankles are five times their original size, my back hurts so bad I'm in tears, and I'm exhausted and I know I"m not going to get anytime to rest becaues I can't sleep anymore! So either he doesn't understand why I need help (though I've told him time and time again) or he doesn't care (which I hope is not the case, because he was fine before! Still hadn't done dishes in six months, but whatever). Am I just being unreasonable expecting him to help? Is anyone else having this problem? I just don't know where to turn to get help or comfort! My family and friends are thousands of miles away, five states away at least actually.

 

3babies - July 3

Oh, I do feel sorry for you, and you are definitely not being unreasonable. See how he copes if you get bumped into hospital for a couple of weeks with high blood pressure! I have to admit that my husband has been doing heaps which is great, but on Sat injured his hamstring playing sport so he could hardly walk. I have been so p**d off at him, even though as you say it wasnt his choice, but I just cant believe how the world stops when they are ill, and we have to keep going. I feel really unreasonable because he has been so great, but I just cant believe the timing! Unfortunately, this is the go once we have kids. I would sit him down and have a chat when you are both calm, not arguing, and explain how you are feeling. Sometimes even writing down and dividing chores, like you do with kids is good because they have accepted responsibility for those things in advance, so when they are not done ... no arguments. I know this isnt much help, but you arent alone.

 

piratesmermaid - July 3

It's exactly that. If they get sick, oh poor them, if we get sick, tough there's too much to do. I'm glad I'm not alone though! I'm worried I'll go into labor while he's sick. He'll be no help to me whatsoever!! He's finally going to the doctor today, so hopefully the doc'll get him doped up and he can help me again!! The dividing of the chores is a good idea, especially when our daughter gets here. Thanks.

 

Been There - July 3

You could try cutting out the things he gets from you, like dinner, for instance. Tell him you on have enough time and energy to feed yourself because you are so busy doing other things, plus, you just don't feel well yourself. Do not wash anything that belongs to him, etc. Just do for yourself and prepare for the baby. Some men just need to learn through experience.

 

ARD - July 3

I'm not really exactly in the same boat, but can sympathize with you...my husband is wonderful with helping around the house - he does the dishes (I haven't touched a dish the entire 9 mths.), he cooks occasionally, he helps with the laundry, and he also has hired a lady that comes to clean the house twice a month so I don't have to - which she's a family friend, so its not expensive and it helps soooo much!! That's the upside.....the downside is this.....my husband works nights during the week and off on weekends. When this baby gets here in 2 1/2 weeks, its going to be all on me!!! I will be alone, up all hours of the night with my little one, with no help from him. I've told him to really be prepared for the weekends because I will need some time to sleep and he will need to help out. I know he has to work and he can't help his job is at night, but I get a little resentful thinking about me having to get up all hours of the night - take care of her - and when I start back to work after she's about 4 mths old, I will have to then get her up, to my aunt's, who is keeping her, then go to work, while my husband comes home shortly thereafter to sleep all day til he goes back to work in the evening. So I guess you could say my complaints lie in what is going to happen when the baby gets here. I'm a little freaked out about it - being alone at night with the little one, with no help, with no sleep, then having to go back to work. Hopefully I'll be able to get her on a good sleep schedule before going back to work.....hopefully.....

 

piratesmermaid - July 5

ARD, you make sure you get your weekends!! :) Will your husband be there to help you at any point during the day? I realize he'll be sleeping most of the time, but even a hour during the day so you can at least nap?

 

MEO - July 6

my husband tries to be a good helper when I remind him or ask him to do stuff - he also has his own business and picks up extra shifts at another job, though, so he ends up being pretty busy outside the home - and I am so grateful to him for earning most of our money and don't want to ask nag him so stuff just goes undone... I think, with our baby being due in a week and a half, he is about to hunker down and focus on the house. I think he is nesting more than I am. piratesmermaid (great name, by the way), you are not being unreasonable - it sounds like your body is trying to tell someone that it needs to rest! And you are hearing it but your man I guess is not. If it doesn't drive you crazy to leave chores undone, I would say just don't do them, don't fold laundry - just grab something to wear out of the pile of clean stuff. Don't cook unless that is the only way you can get something to eat and in that case just cook whatever it is you want (no need to take orders from anyone else). Sit on your b___t all day and sleep and put up your feet and check the forums. It sounds like you have a sort of big house (?) so I'm sure it is calling out for some attention in some ways, but I would just say to ignore those cries as much as you can and if you need to rent some movies or get a book to read to help you ignore the house, do it.

 

cameron - July 6

I know how you all feel. Around 24 weeks my husband herniated his back and was unable to do anything. After a few weeks of that, he had surgery on his back and cannot leave the house or pick up anything over 5 pounds. Not only am I not getting help from him, I have to take care of him 24/7. He will be home for another few weeks and then has to go back to work, just as I'm entering my last few weeks. Oh, and yesterday he came down with a sinus infection and couldn't stand up and was throwing up! I had to empty the bucket gagging the whole time. I told him that he really owes me during my next pregnancy. I thought I would at least have this pregnancy to go through with having to take care of a child!

 

piratesmermaid - July 6

Oh, cameron, that's aweful. He really owes you! And you should make him strap a ten pound bowling ball to his front and do everything with it there! ('Course, that might make his back go out again...) Hey, MEO, thanks for the compliment on my name. Actually our house isn't big at all, it's just really old. Really really old. It was built in 1900. We actually just finished getting all the electrical completely rewired a few weeks ago, and I'm still finding bits of plaster and insullation on the floor from where they had to cut into the wall. And I've vaccuumed and vaccuumed and dusted. We actually moved in the middle of May, and I've been working my tushy off trying to make this place a home, our home. I guess that is what I want to do the most before our baby gets here is make it a home, with a routine (Monday, vaccuum; Tuesday, laundry- that sort of thing.) That way it's not chaos when we do bring her home!

 

MEO - July 6

hope you get some time to rest soon!

 

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