Hospital Visitors

35 Replies
Jen - October 10

I am just wondering who is having people plan to be at the hospital when you go into labor and for how long...? All of my in-laws (parents/sister/cousin/etc) have made it very clear that they want to be informaed the second that I check into the hospital so that they can be there with us, but I don't think I want them there at all...especially not at the end when things really get painful. The only people I think I will want to see are my mother and my hubby, and I don't even want my mom at the actual delivery. Do any of you who have been through this have any advise...what did you do, or what do you plan to do? I don't want to come off as rude, but I also don't want to feel like I have to hide my pain (and tears) durring labor. Thanks!

 

J - October 10

I told everyone we will call them when we are at the hospital but I told them not to come until the baby is born. With my first pregnancy I pretty much told everyone we wanted our privacy and with my son I went into labor at 11:00 pm so it worked out because I was in labor all night so they all came in the morning after my son was born. This time my mil is watching our son and my parents will come after the baby is born. Just also make sure that your family members know what the hospital policies are regarding bringing chidren to the hospital as well. When I had my son I made it clear no children and my SIL brought her 2 kids who are full of germs to the hospital I was beside myself!

 

Heja - October 10

I just want my husband to be with me during that time, it's too intimate for me and I don't want any other people except nurses and doctor. If your in-laws don't understand that than you can always call them after the baby is born, besides there is a limit of people that can be with you in your room, in my hospital it's three. Good luck and think about yourself being comfortable not them:)

 

carrie - October 10

I just read "Dear Abby" and it said: Childbirth is not a show for family, all you have to do is tell your doctor what u want, and the nurse will tell your family that only two people are allowed in the room when the "time" comes. Hospital staff will do this for you, cuz' they don't want you more nervous or anxious. Tell them how you feel. They don't want all those people in the room either.

 

Barb - October 10

I agree with everyone here...if they insist on coming they can always sit in the waiting room and visit after the baby is born, which is completely appropriate :) Most hosp. do have a policy on how many people are allowed in there anyhow...just ask your doc. at your next visit.

 

lisa - October 11

i would feel uncomfortable with everyone there even if they are waiting outside, this is a special time for you and your husband and the last thing youll need 5 mins after the birth is everyone else touching and poking at your baby, you need to get to know it first, I would say this too them or if you can just dont phone them til you had the baby and say everything hapened so fast you couldnt think about phoning people. other people forget that this is your liuttlebaby not a show for all,

 

sam - October 11

i have a problem like that. my mum lives a couple of hours away and she wants to know as soon as something happens so she can get here as soon as poss. the only thing is she would have to stay and my partner wants us to be on our own for a few days with nobody else. how on earth can i tell my mum she isnt welcome when she is so excited? my partner is worried he will be pushed to one side like he was with his first daughter and my mum does like to take over. worrying over this is spoiling my excitement about having this baby.

 

Lynn - October 11

I amde it clear to my MIL when we were 8 weeks pregnant that we would not be having houseguests for at least 4 weeks after the baby is born. My husband & I have decided that we aren't going to call anyone until after the baby is born. We want time to ourselves with the baby and don't want to have a ton of people wanting to push their way in & see the baby right after she is born. This is a special moment for us, more special for us than for anyone else, despite what they might think. Also, if you have a husband that is willing to help out around the house, then its better to just be you two and the baby (and any other kids) for the first couple of weeks. That is your time to get to know your child & if this is your first, to get comfortable with the whole idea of being a mommy. Most of the time you can't do that with a bunch of other people telling you how to be a mommy. You have to find your own way.

 

Jen - October 11

Thanks, guys. You have made me feel a whole lot better- especially since now I know that I am not the only one who feels this way! I found out yesterday that my in-laws are planning on coming up (they live 2 hours south) and staying with my hubby's grandfather the week that I am due so that they can be right in the middle of everything. Sigh...I am going to try and talk to the doctor/nurses like you all suggested and have them be the "bad guys" by telling them that they are not allowed in the room. Thanks again, and best wishes to all of you on the rest of your pregnancies!

 

Ca__sie - October 11

I very much agree with Lynn... it is good to be alone with hubby (and any other children if there are any) in the first few weeks. My MIL offered to stay with us right after our baby is born, but as wonderful as she is and as much housework as I'm sure she would do, I feel I would just be more stressed out. Same goes for visitors in the hospital. If guests want to come, they can wait in the waiting room and wait till I am comfortable before they come see us. I want to be clean, relaxed... and I want to have had some time alone with hubby and baby before we have anyone else added to our room.

 

MJM - October 11

I would just let them know how you feel. They can always come and wait in the waiting room but let them know that you dont want anyone but mom and hubby in the delivery room during labor. Let them know that it would be too much for you. And if for some reason they dont understand, just dont call them until the baby arrives.

 

Lesley - October 11

When I have my baby the only person I want there is my partner. When he is born I will be gettin him to call my mum to bring my children in and that is it. Noone else. They can come when I get home. Even then I'm limiting who can come and when. This is my time with my new baby and if they don't like that then tuff. They either respect my decisions or do without. If they come knocking at my door uninvited they will not be getting invited in. I might sound like a b*tch, but it's how I feel. With my 1st baby I couldn't keep the visitors away and I found it hard to be able to bond. With my 2nd it wasn't too bad but I felt bad for asking people to leave. This time I have told everyone in advance.

 

M - October 11

Tell them to wait in the waiting room.Just because people are there doesnt mean they have to be in your room

 

Lynn - October 11

I agree with Lesley too on the home visitors. We have decided that once I get home from the hospital, we are going to set up "visiting hours" at the house. Not only do you need to bond, but you need to rest too. And you can't do that if people are trickling in and out all day long. I know that my MIL will call at 8 am and want to come over and stay until 10 pm & I don;t want that to happen either. So we will see when the baby comes what type of a schedule she is on and try to set up some late afternoon or eraly evening hours where people can just drop in to see the baby after work or after dinner or whatnot. And once the hours are up, then that's it - everyone is getting kicked out, its time for mom & baby to get their rest.

 

J - October 11

You just have to play it by ear on the visiting. When you get him you are going to be so unorganized. You don't know when the baby will eat, sleep, etc. and you yourself are going to want to rest. If you have people coming and going it will be stressful.

 

N - October 11

I am really nervous about this time. With my first son I asked that no one come to the hospital, even after the baby is born, to please please wait until we get home. Of course, everyone came! It was awful. After a 28hr labour followed by a c-sec it was 3am when I got back to my room. I spent the next few hours bonding with my baby, and right when I was ready to get some sleep (had been up for three days by this point.) everyone started showing up, even though I told them not to, and they wouldn't leave!! The nurse came in to remove my catheter and then her and my husband could help me to the bathroom and my in-laws were told to wait outside.. they tried to take my baby with them! THEN they walked in on me 10min later "are you done yet?" A few hours later when everyone finally left I took a shower.. and my grandpa shows up (I had the bathroom door open because I was there alone with the baby, so I wanted to keep an eye on him). I was super impressed. All we did was call our parents and told them we had the baby.. during the course of the day we saw my mom, my sister, my grandpa, my husband's parents, his brother and sister, both his aunts, his cousin.. I could go on... I barely got any time during that first day with my baby, he got pa__sed around all day long and people kept trying to wake him up (to ''see what colour his eyes are" THEY'RE BLUE, they're always blue!) not to mention I was very sick and had nurses coming in to check my c-sec every half hour. I was really upset and I don't want this to happen again. I don't know what to say, because I was pretty sure I had made myself clear the first time! I told everyone, more than once "I will need time to recover. I will need my rest and privacy and I don't feel comfortable with everyone seeing me in a hospital gown or anything like that. I want to be home in my own clothes, showered and rested when we get visitors" I don't know how much more direct and honest I can get than that.

 

Lynn - October 11

Try checking with the hospital to see if you can just not allow visitors - or give them a list of the only people that are allowed in to see you and not until day 2 of recovery or something.

 

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