How Is Everyone Handling Visits From Relatives Early On

13 Replies
MelG - June 26

I'm already past my due date and am hoping to have my baby girl anyday. Lately, I'm getting calls from distant relatives who are getting excited and want to be the first to be there when she is born. I'm not crazy about the idea of just anybody coming over to the house in those first days. I usually am a good hostess, but feel I just won't be able to throw a party for everybody and their brother to stop by so soon when I'm home from the hospital. Is anyone else facing this dilemma and if so, how are you handling it so that no one is offended?

 

Mingill - June 26

I don't have this problem, but my niece did. She stayed in the hospital for 2 days, which is good because they limit your visitors for you. Once she was home, her mother actually asked everyone to respect the new family, that my niece was very tired and they wanted some time to adjust as a family, so could visitors please give them some time alone, and keep visits short. If you could find a nice way to tell people that, maybe it would help.

 

Been There - June 26

I say you should be honest. Tell people you are too tired to have them visit. You need to get used to the baby. They should understand that you have no time nor energy to play hostess. My family is pretty close, but they also know that if they visit, they must keep it very short and they must take care of what I need while they're there. They know to expect nothing out of me. Fortunately, my sisters are the catering type, so they will help out and play nursemaid when they come over, so I actually benefit. But you should just be honest and don't worry about offending someone. They should know better than to think you'd want to host them.

 

Erynn21 - June 26

I am not really having anyone come over, especially family, for the first few days. I want to spend time bonding with my new family instead of trying to please everyone. I'm going to give it a week or so, ppl have to respect that. My mom wants to come help, but I don't particularily want that, my hubby is going to take at lest a week off to be home as we adjust to being parents. I will see everyone @ the hospital and that will be enough for a bit, my husband is good at playing bouncer so I don't think we'll need to explain much. I will let some friends come over who will cater to me and help with the house etc...but I don't want the situation to be a family reunion. I especially don't want my grandmother to come visit, she drives me crazy, and will tell me I'm doing everything wrong and critique my every move, so she is not welcome until I have some adjustment. Good luck.

 

livdea - June 26

I've already told EVERYONE that NO ONE is allowed over for two weeks. I don't care who you are! I just told them that I need that time and it's nothing personal but I would like to have two weeks alone to hole up in my house and rest and figure this whole new Momma thing out. They can't say NO. And really, if there are certain someones who I want to have come over then I'll call them and tell them WHEN they can come if it's before my 2 week date. I know everyone is excited but I don't want to be bombarded with friends and family, I want that time for bonding. So I'd just tell Everyone that you aren't having guests for "so many days/weeks" after baby! Good luck, I know its a touchy subject!!

 

DinaAW - June 26

I am normally the hostess too so it feels strange telling people not to come over, but I think you need to wait and see how you feel once you are home. I would hate to tell friends and family to leave us alone for two weeks and then feel great but lonely because nobody has come to visit. I think you need to play it by ear and put your husband in charge of it. It should be his job to understand what you and the baby need and to be the one talking to people on the phone and scheduling a few visitors if that's what you want. Plus, your friends and family should not expect a party...or even a clean house from you at all!! I know exactly where you are coming from. I have family that just arrived from NC and CA for the birth and it is stressful. I feel like I have to entertain everyone, but really my job will be to be a mom and enjoy quiet time with the baby. Good luck!

 

JESS1980 - June 26

My huband and I are having the same problem. We have told everyone that we don't want any visitors at our house the first few days we are home from the hospital. But, after those first few days, I'm gonna try and have people over right away. I am hoping that once everybody comes by and gets a visit, then I won't be bombarded with visitors after the first 2 weeks. Then I can enjoy the rest of my maternity leave with my baby.

 

Tanya2 - June 26

My relatives are a pain and I don't want them over. With my daugther my SIL came over the second week and spent the whole week, she does come from another city. Oh gosh it was horrible, her getting in the way, wanting to hold the baby all the time and trying to give me advice although she has never had a baby. This time I told my husband he has to tell her not to come, I don't care what he tells her but i don't want her in my house at that point. We will be going over to visit them in a month or so after the baby is born, they can wait till then. Its ok if someone comes and spends an hour or two and goes away but staying the whole week, thats ridiculous. Good luck and remember be honest and don't let anyone bully you into anything, I'm speaking from experience here.

 

louise_J - June 26

Hi MelG is beginning to sound like you are my pregnancy double!! I've been worried about this problem but i've just thought 'my baby, my house' we've already told ppl we don't want any visitors to the hospital and when we get home most of our family will ring before coming and if its not conveinient (sp) then i wont be afraid of saying so. Get your hubby/partner to answer the phone and say your asl;eep!!! or when they ring up say 'yeah come over but we've got plans at 2pm' that way they know they can't stay long and you control the time!

 

kimc - June 26

Why not plan a Baby Showing about 2 weeks after the birth... tell all your relatives that on suchandsuch a day you will have an open house so that everyone can see the baby. It lets you set the time, and have some peace and quiet for yourself leading up to it.

 

sfrias - June 26

I do not know... I have the same problem myself. I am from Spain and my husband is from Mexico. My parents will arrive three weeks before our first baby is born and they will stay in our home. My inlaws will arrive when the baby is born. Perhaps they will also decide to stay at home... At this point I am so stressed about what might happen that I am thinking about going on vacation by myself (kidding)... MelG You are not the only one... I wish that they would only come for visiting, but having my parents and my inlaws for a couple of weeks is really scaring me! Can you imagine my mother and my MIL (both are alpha females, like myself) arguing about how to take care of the baby?

 

falafal0 - June 27

I had people waiting in our house with my mother in law who let them in who was watching our other childrn when my DH picked me p from the hospital. THey did not make it a short stay either.It just got worse from there throughout the week. In the end when DD was nearly a week old, I unplugged the phone. Those who dropped by, when I opened the door, I made sure to look ike a mess and sound tired (didn't have to fake that part!) and organied for them to come back the week after. This time around, I am doing what livdea suggested - NO ONE for two weeks unelss theyare invited by you. I will be having this baby at home, and DH will be taking time off work for two weeks, so I'll letting him handle everyone. he has no problems telling people to 'please get lost' though he does it nicely, so I don't have to worry. He'll be the one asnwering the phone and door, so it's easy. When people ask, tell them the two week rule, and say to call after that. Any woman withhalf a sense won't be offended...

 

MelG - June 27

Well you ladies are sayng just what I needed to hear. I talked it over with my hustand and we agreed that anyone who wants to see the baby is free to come to the hospital and peek through the nursery window. After that, it's at least 1 week of recuperation or maybe 2 depending upon how I'm feeling with only limited visitors (ones I request to help if needed) as my husband's time off may be erratic. I also think I was overly worried about this because my husband didn't seem to think he would have too hard of a time handling this so I'm grateful that he understands (as it's mostly his family that would be the ones to cause problems).

 

letgo0527 - June 28

Just be honest with them. Have visitors when you feel up to it. You shouldnt be expected to entertain company just days after delivering. It is most important for you to take care of yourself and baby. Rest as much as you can.

 

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