How To Handle A Jealous Friend

11 Replies
lilaggie2002 - January 12

Hey Ladies, I have a small problem right now. I currently have a friend who is 5 months pregnant with her 3rd child and has been saying things that give the impression she is jealous of me etc. The biggest issue has come up when discussing baby showers. I have been very blessed with the amount of stuff I have received from baby showers due to the fact that we have a ton of family and friends. This kid will need nothing when he arrives in Feb. Anyhow, when my friend arrives in my house she is always looking through the nursery and commenting on all the lil stuff my ds has received. Then today she tells me straight up that she is jealous of all the baby showers I have had and all the new things I have received. Well this comment made me feel VERY awkward and I just told her that since this was my first child and the first grandson, that my family and friends are going a lil crazy with buying. She just looked at me and then goes "Well I dont think you should be having your other baby shower tomorrow." Okay, now that made me mad b/c it is being given by all the teachers I worked with last year and they were nice enough to invite her b/c they know she lives in the city where it is being hosted. Then to make matters worse she then says "Well when mine comes I hope someone throws me a baby shower" and then looks right at me. Any ideas on how to handle this one?

 

cindernar - January 12

Since when is it her business whether you SHOULD have a baby shower? I feel bad for her, and all, because she obviously hasn't had much support. And where I come from, you generally don't get but one baby shower, and that is when you have your first baby. She doesn't have baby stuff from her first two? I guess the only way to handle it is to tell her your sorry she feels that you shouldn't have a baby shower and just leave it alone.

 

cindernar - January 12

I meant one set of baby showers when you have your first baby. Lots of people have more than one because they have more than one social group/circle/whatever.

 

Gretta - January 12

I am sorry your friend is making you feel bad during such a happy time. I agree its pretty customary to have a shower for a first baby but not really for a third. I kind of think my friend is a little green that I got married and am preggie too while she is still single. Its hard because I would be a little sad too if the situation was reversed. Just remember that weddings and sometimes babies bring out the green eyed monster in some people. My way of handling it would be to be kind but not play into the manipulative comments. You could always suggest that she have a small meet the baby party after her baby is born and than people could bring gifts if they felt like it without them feeling obligated. Its tough but don't let her take anything from your fun day!!!

 

DownbutnotOUT - January 12

For me I believe when your pregnant with your first your entiltled to have as many showers as you want due to work and family circles. i do think it is totally inappropriate to have a baby shower with your 2nd,3rd, or 4th so on and so forth, you should have enough stuff after your 1st that you dont need anymore stuff and its against tradition. For you have your other baby shower and feel no shame or guilt enjoy it and your friend should know better shame on her for being jealous because you got alot of nice stuff.

 

catgiggles - January 13

I'm just agreeing with the others basically. In my family there is a big todo over your first. Big shower lots of gifts etc. But you don't get a shower for any other children you may have. Now someone mite buy you an outfit and bring to the hospital or something when you have the baby but not everyone. Several years back i had a friend get very upset w/ me b/c I threw her a baby shower for her first but when she got pregnant with her second I did not throw her one. It upset her to the point she did not talk to me for about 4 months of the pregnancy. We were stil barely speaking when the baby was born. If you tradition is you have one for your first only then I would not throw her one for her 3rd. But that is just me too. Good Luck!

 

KMo311 - January 13

ok i am in a similar situation, only i would be the friend. I am having the third baby, first boy of the family. My sister was having her first. i planned her shower with my mom and worked very hard at it. but i will admitt it the ulgly green monster did rear its ulgy head. but i never said anything to her about my feeling because i knew it was a nesting thing and in my head i was watching her fill her "nest" with all the new things out there. In the end i got over it. It was a real crazy thing to clog my thoughts with and my sister gave me a new outfit and a pair of socks for my baby and it made me feel better. she also liked talking about my baby too and it made fell just as important as being a first time mom.

 

lilaggie2002 - January 13

Thank You Ladies!! What all of you said is what I was thinking, but I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't alone on this one. I do plan on buying her lil one something when she is born, but I won't be throwing her a shower. We'll see how it goes today and I'll let ya'll know! Thanks for all of your input.

 

tyler0323 - January 13

Close friends normally plans showers and things for you. If you are not close with her then why should it be your resposiblity to plan a shower. she has family and friends too dosnt she. You can always speak with her mother or another family member and help plan one, dosnt mean youll be forking out snack money and things. as for her jelousy, who cares, its a normal feeling and with her emotions all wacking its probebly much worse than it would be for a non pregnant person. Even if you dont plan a whole shower, i think bringing it up and helping with one would be a nice gesture just because you know how she is feeling right now. Im not sure i agree with the others about only a shower for the first. a new baby is a new baby and a shower can be held for all pregnancy's and i think they should be.

 

silencingtearsofhope - January 13

I am pregnant with my first and I'm having my second baby shower tomorrow. I confess I felt a little awkward knowing that I'd already had one from family but my friends wanted to throw a seperate one over here (I am military and live overseas) and no one seems to mind that I've already had one. As everyone else said your first baby is kinda a big deal and there's no need for anyone to be jealous. I'm sure she had baby shower(s) with her first too. Just go ahead and enjoy the kindness of your friends and family and don't let your friend spoil it for you!

 

Angelttc2 - January 13

Congratulations lilaggie on your pregnancy. I agree that your friend is out of line telling you the things she has said. With my first child seven years ago we had several baby showers from different people. With my second child, just born last month, we did have one shower that coworkers wanted to throw. I had absolutely no baby stuff from my previous child because I had given it all away to family, friends, etc. So if you are close to her and want to throw her a shower, thats fine. If not, don't worry about it. Good luck!!

 

amybaby2 - January 16

i agree...if you would like to throw her a little something, even if it is only a few friends coming over, that is up to you. i LOVE to plan showers, so i do when ever i have a chance!! but at the same time, if you dont want to, or dont have the time or money, i wouldnt let it bother you. i too am on my second child. my dd was 4 in october, so alot of my stuff i got rid of, or really want new (like a carseat). no one in my family likes to plan showers,so i am sure i wont get one, but i would love to have someone throw me one...it is all up to you and what you want to do or not do! enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and all those fun gifts!

 

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