HUSBAND IS A COMPLETE DONKEY IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

4 Replies
Mommyof1 - June 30

SORRY IF THIS GETS LONG. HERE GOES.... I AM 31 WEEKS AND ONE DAY YAY! I AM MARRIED AND HAVE BEEN FOR 4 YEARS THIS SEPTEMBER MY HUS AND I HAVE BEEN SEP. SINCE 12/25/07 WW HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF UPS AND DOWNS AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT 95% OF IT IS HIS FAULT HE JUST WILL NEVER GROW UP(I AM 23 HE IS 24). ANYWAY HE MOVED TO A DIFFERENT STATE THAN OUR 2YR OLD AND I EARLY IN 07 BECAUSE HE FOPUND A BETTER PAYING JOB MEANWHILE MY JOB LAID MY WHOLE DEPT OFF BUT THAT WASN'T SCHEDULED UNTIL SEPT 07 SO I LET HIM GO AND TOLD HIM I WOULD COME ONCE MY JOB WAS OVER TO REC MY SEVERENCE PACKAGE. IT WASA PLAN. DURING THAT TIME WE WOULD GO BETWEEN STATES TO VISIT EACH OTHER AND THEN WE STARTED TO REALLY HAVE PROBLEMS AND I SUSPECTED HE MAY BE CHEATING SO IN JULY 07 I DECIDED TO LEAVE EARLY TO BE WITH HIM BECAUSE THE LONG DISTANCE THING WAS PUTTING TO MUCH OF A STRAIN ON OUR MARRIAGE SO I CAME TO HIM WITH NO JOB OR ANYTHING JUST A LIL MONEY I HAD IN MY OWN PERSONAL SAVINGS. ( HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE BREAD WINNER ANYWAY) SO WHEN I GOT THERE THINGS WERE GOING WELL FOR A WHILE I WASA STAY AT HOME MOM AND THEN THINGS GOT UGLY. WE ARGUED ALOT ABOUT HIM HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS TO MUCH AND JUST NOT BEING A FAMILY MAN LIEK HE SAID HE WOULD BE. HE WOULD CONSTANTLY GO OUT TO BARS OR JUST MEET UP AT FRIENDS HOUSES FOR DRINKS TOO MUCH. ONE DAY I FOUND A TEXT MESSAGE THAT HE SENT TO ANOTHER WOMAN THAT WAS PRETTY SELF EXPLANITORY THAT THEY HAD BEEN HAVING A RELATIONSHIP. I CONFRONTED HIM AND OF COURSE HE DENIED IT BUT I STILL STAYED WITH HIM. A WEEK BEFORE XMAS I CAME UP TO VISIT FAMILY AND WE HAD BEEN ARGUING ALOT SO I LEFT WITHOUT HIM ALSO BECUASE HE HAD TO WORK. WHILE I WAS VISITING MY MOTHER HE TOLD ME NOT TO COME BACK BECAUSE THIS WASN'T WHAT HE WANTED ANYMORE. I CAME BACK ANYWAY AND THOUGHT THAT SOMEWAY WE COULD WORK ON THINGS AND WHEN I GOT THERE HE DIDN'T COME HOME FOR DAYS AND WAS STILL ADAMENT ABOUT ME LEAVING SO I DID I WENT BACK HOME TO LIVE WITH MY MOM ON XMAS. I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT HE DID THIS TO ME AFTER EVERYTHING THAT I HAD SACRIFICED AND ON TOP OF THAT I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREGNANT. SO ABOUT A MONTH LATER HE TRIED TO RECONCILE AND I SAID OK BUT THAT WE WOULD TRY LONG DISTANCE AGAIN I WOULDN'T PIC UP AND MOVE AGAIN UNTIL I WAS SURE AND SURE ENOUGH HE DID THE SAME THING STARTED HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS AND DDN'T EVEN CALL TO CHECK ON THE 3 US AS HE SHOULD HAVE AND THERE WOULD BE TIMES THAT I WOULD CALL HIM AND HE WOULDN'T EVEN ANS OR CALL BACK UNTIL THE NEXT WHICH MEANT TO ME THAT HE HAD SOMEONE ELSE. ANYWAY TO SHORTEN THIS UP A BIT SORRY. I ENDED UP TELLING HIM THAT IF HE WANTED THINGS TO WORK HE NEEDED TO COME BACK TO US AND WE NEEDED COUNSELING BUT BASICALLY I WAS DONE UNTIL HE DID THAT. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SIONCE THEN AND HE HAS ONLY SEEN MY DAUGHTER ONCE HE CALLS SOMETIMES TO TALK TO HER BUT WHEN I GET ON THE PHONE HE TELLS ME THAT HE DOESN'T WANNNA SPEAK TO ME. IT HURTS A LOT AND I TRY TO STAY HAPPY FOR MY DAUGHTER AND OUR LITTLE GIRL ON THE WAY BUT ITS JUST TO MUCH TO BARE SOMETIMES AND YEST I FOUND OUT THAT HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN LIVING IN OUR APT THAT WE HAD TOGETHER I JUST DON'T KNOW WHT TO DO. I CAN'T EVEN STOP CRYING ABOUT IT I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WE WOULD ACTUALLY STAY SEPERATED FOR FOREVER I THOUGHT WE WOULD RECONSILE AND HE JUST NEEDED A LIL TIME BUT NOW AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HE HAS DONE TO ME I AM NOT EVEN SURE IF I WOULD TAKE HIM BACK ANYMORE. HE DOESN'T EVEN ASK ME HOW THE BABY IS AND I BET SHE DOESN'T KNOW HE IS EVEN HAVING ONE. I DON'T KNOW LADIES ANYTHING WOULD HELP RIGHT NOW A COMMENT ADVICE SOMETHING JUST NEEDING SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

 

mommaminchey - June 30

Honey I am speachless. I wish I had words that could comfort you but I surely don't. Unfortunatly and you may not want to hear this but it sounds like he wants to move on and you should do the same. You need to get your head on straight and take him to the cleaners and get what is righfully your childrens. I hate that this has happened to you but you will have 2 beautiful daughters that I am sure will make it easier on you. I have a best friend who is dealing with the samething and i hate it when she calls me every other night crying because if what this jerk is saying or doing to her. I wish i could go kick his b___t. I know she is dealing with alot of pain and hurt plus this is emotional time for all us preggos and I will keepyou in my thoughts. I hope the best for you and your girls...

 

Mommyof1 - June 30

SORRY FOR ALL OF THE TYPOS.....MOMMAMINCHEY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS I KNOW THAT YOU ARE RIGHT HE HAS MOVED ON AND I JUST NEED TO LET IT GO ITS JUST SO HARD BECUASE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE STARTING OVER AGAIN WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND HE ALREADY HAS. I AGREE WITH YOU I DO NEED TO GET MY HEAD ON STRAIGHT AND I THOUGHT I WAS DOING SO UNTIL I HEARD ABOUT THE WOMAN LIVING THERE I JUST CAN'T EVEN BEIEVE THAT HE WOULD HAVE SOMEONE IN OUR HOME HE JUST HAS NO RESPECT AT ALL.

 

ironmama - June 30

O hon, i totally know what you are going through.... I have been there too, and i can tell you from experience, the best way to get through this is to let him go. It is super super hard, i know, but let go of all your hopes of him coming back-- and the reason is if you keep your hopes up and he doesnt come back, you'll be dissapointed... and it's better not to have any expectations at all. You have just about 2months till baby comes, spend that time doing things for yourself and your daughter. Strengthen the beautiful family you have right in front of you. Don't think about getting with another man, don't even entertain that thought.... don't torture yourself thinking about how your donkey has shacked up with another woman, whatever, he's sc_m, let him go and maybe it'll turn out to be one of the best things to happen for you.... if he's walkin at this time in your relationship it just shows he's not the kinda man you need in your life right now anyways. If your mom is supportive and loving, cherish that, soak it up, just get yourself into a position where you feel loved, validated, supported, and your sanity will return. The most important thing (and i cannot stress this enough) is to take care of yourself, because you can't be a good mom if you are distracted by donkey drama ;) much love to you, i hope you find peace and sanity thru all this, surround yourself with love and you will be ok i promise :)

 

Mommyof1 - July 1

Thanks you so much ironmama, I really do feel like i will be okay one day but right now it just hurts so bad. You are totally right about being there for my girls. Yesterday, after work, I was so sad I cried with my daughter sitting there watching me and she looked so confused and even asked me why i was crying. At that point I made up my mind and said that I will not let this affect my girls' lives too. They too can sense when I am upset especially the baby and I don't want to cause preterm labor. I am really going to try and let this thing go here because he is not worth it. Your were right in saying why should I want him if he could abandon us at a time when I need him most. I am trying but I guess it is going to be a work in progress.... :) Thank you ladies so much.

 

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