I Just Don T Know How I M Supposed To Feel

19 Replies
piratesmermaid - July 11

I think I'm on the verge of getting ready to snap. I just don't know what to do, I'm just so frazzled and stressed and worried about everything. And I'm sure all those emotions are really common and normal right about now (I'm 39 1/2 weeks). But you know what makes it so much harder? We moved from Mississippi to Wyoming during the end of my first trimester. I have no family up here, and no friends. It is just me and my hubby. My hubby is at work all day and works a lot from home too because his customers/clients are just a bit demanding. I'm not working because by the time the alt_tude sickness in combination with the morning sickness went away, I'd only be working for a couple months anyway. I was so freakn close to graduating with my BFA in Mississippi, but when we moved up here I had to take a long break, because I keep running into problems with the university up here so I can finish. So I'm not working, I'm not going to school, I have no family to help me, I have no friends to distract me from my worries. I'm worried that if I get out of the house and go for a walk by myself that I'll start having contractions or back pain and I won't be able to get home on my own. (Happens at WalMart a lot actually, but I have the cart to lean on, or my hubby.) Plus my doctor/midwife keeps saying to rest, relax, and put my feet up, but I just CAN'T! I'm worried about so much that I can't relax and put my feet up! There's just too much to do and too much to get ready for. And my husband is mad at me for being a bloody slave driver when it comes to keeping the house clean, but that's all I have control over right now! I could worry about the things that can go wrong during labor/delivery/after she's home, but I think that would be worse, so I focus all my attention on something I can do something about (even though it's getting really hard/uncomfortable/painful to sort laundry, do the dishes, vaccuum). And my hubby gets mad because I've been hounding him to help, and he does what he can when he can, but it's just like, what else can I do? Really? I'm stuck in an area of the country that is so different than anything I'm used to, there's no one around that would be offereing to help me, there's no one to make me laugh and relax and distract me, what else can I do? Sorry that I'm complaining, it's just gotten worse these last few stressful days waiting for labor to start. And I just want to curl up and cry or scream and pull my hair out. Honestly, thank God for my dogs. While they don't do much but follow me around or sleep on my feet, they at least give me some company during the day.

 

MEO - July 11

wow - mississippi to wyoming would be a big geographical change, esp with the social cut off. Come back and vent anytime! Pets are great, though, I agree. We have two cats and when I am sitting around the house waiting for something to happen (anything....) it is nice to poke them and interact with them :) ah, animals. Definitely make a difference in feeling lonely, although it's weird sometimes to admit it :)

 

piratesmermaid - July 11

Animals/pets totally make a difference in feeling lonely! Especially when they've got such distinct personalities like cats and dogs have. I had a cat in MS, named Jaguar, he was a huge long hair black cat. One of the best cats EVER. Whenever I was sad, I could just pick him up and hug him and he would never fight against it, and he'd let me just cry all over him. But we had to give him up before we moved due to Hurricane Katrina. My husband kicked him out of the house a few days before the storm hit (we didn't know then it was heading our way) because Jaguar broke a goblet I had made for my hubby. He was an indoor cat, and I went outside just a little while later to let him in and he was gone. When we learned that Katrina was coming, I spent day and night looking for him, but nothing. We evacuated for a week and came back several days after the hurricane went through. I was a wreck, believeing that Jaguar had drowned or something. A few days later, when my hubby was walking our dog, he found Jaguar. Granted he was a lot skinnier, but he was alive. He had been living in the drainage system of the subdivision we lived in. (We didn't get too much water, we were on a hill, but we got SO MUCH wind!) My hubby kneeled down and called Jag's name and the cat ran up to him happily and jumped in his arms. We learned I was pregnant about two and a half months later, and my hubby was certain he didn't want a cat around while I was pregnant and afterward. Plus the mess with the aftermath of the storm made properly taking care of our pets difficult and we had to give him back to the humane society where we had gotten him from to begin with four years previously. I still think about that cat everyday, and it kills me not knowing where he went. While my teary-eyed hubby (he loved that cat too) filled out the paperwork and the cat was sitting on his shoulder, the volunteer at the MS humane society said that he would be shipped out of state because they were already so full of pets that couldn't be taken care of. I've tried contacting the US humane society, but got no reply. Anyway, to make me feel better, once we got up here, my hubby got me a couple of australian shepherds, my fav. breed of dogs. We were going to breed them, but changed our mind. New baby and puppies at the same time, not a real good idea. So we're going to wait until we get a nice amount of land/ranch and do things properly.

 

Tanya2 - July 11

I know its hard but try and relax because once your little one comes, you'll be sooooo busy, especially the first couple of weeks, for now try reading books, watch TV, movies etc. I know I'm probably not helping but I remember with my first baby, I'm a teacher and she was born last Sept and I had two months off work before she was born, all my friends were working and I was so bored. I got an inflattable pool from Walmart and would basically float on a floater all day long, it was really hot. After my daughter was born I was so busy I remember telling myself that i should enjoyed the time I had all to myself. Now I have a 9 and a half month old and I'm 32 weeks pregnant, I don't find enough time to do anything. She keeps me so busy, crawls into everything, I only get time to myself when she naps or goes to bed, she's pretty good, sleeps from about 8pm-7am. Anyways just try to enjoy your time now, soon you'll have your baby to keep you company. Pets are great too, I have a broder collie and black lab mix, 5 years old but still actsl ike a puppy full of energy.

 

Mingill - July 11

Oh, I'm so sorry you feel so bad. I just went through a really stressful time too, and I did snap. I cried for two days, I didn't want to eat, or do anything other than sleep (all symptoms of depression). You hear more about post-partum depression but you don't hear much about becoming depressed during pregnancy. Keep an eye out for it, and talk to your doctor about it. At my last apt. I told the nurse and it really made me feel much better just to talk to someone about how I felt, she offered to put me in touch with a counsellor if I wanted. I also wrote DH a letter explaining exactly how I felt, physically and mentally and how much I really needed his support and help at this time. It really hit home, he had no idea what I was going through, even though I'd tried to tell him "I need your help with housework etc." He had just a__sumed that I could manage on my own without realizing how overwhelming it was for me to do everything when I barely had the energy to complete one household chore. I'm glad you've got your dogs, I have my cat, they really help to keep you company. I'm sorry you haven't got your family/friends with you, mine are all 8 hours away too. Maybe after baby is born you can join Mommie and me cla__ses (like yoga etc.) or sometimes community centres organize play groups. Check into it, it'll help you meet some new friends, and you'll have new babies in common. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

 

piratesmermaid - July 12

Thank you all for your advice and comfort! I have only one friend who is a mother; her daughter is 8 now, but she lives in Virginia, and I'm WAY over here in Wyoming. But when I do get the chance to talk to her, she always says that once my daughter gets here, I'll won't be lonely again. (Until she spends the night at a friend's house for the first time.) ..... I've done the book reading thing, that's for sure. When we had electricians at our house everyday, all day, for close to three weeks, I reread all my books. (I'm also a fast reader.) My hubby and I watch movies in the evenings, and we don't have our satallite hooked up yet, so we have only static on our tv. I would absolutely love a kids pool just to float in, that sounds SO nice. But right now there is no where to put it. We're on a corner lot, and the backyard is a disaster because we haven't had time to spend on it this season. It's all gravel and weeds and, well, the dogs' area. So unless I fancy showing stretchmarked whale sized self in a swimsuit to everyone in the front yard, no inflatable pool for me this year. (But we are SO getting one next spring/summer!) ..... I'm trying to remember if my mom had depressions while she was pregnant with my little brother. 'Course she had just divorced my dad and remarried my stepdad, so her emotions were already screwy. No one in my family has ever been clinically diagnosed with depression, but my grandma and my mom have had bouts of sadness complete with 99% of the symptoms of depression. I know it something that I worry about myself, and something I vow to keep an eye on. ..... Mingill, I've done the letter thing too. And it helped...for like a day or two. My hubby has a lot of stomach problems, and they're related to anxiety. Monday, during my doctor's appointment, my mucus plug came out and my doctor confirmed it. When I told my hubby, first he was excited because it has to be soon, then he spent the rest of the day in the bathroom and complaining about how uncomfortable and ill he is. He got a LOT of dirty looks from me. We were in WalMart that evening and I brought up what would happen if my water broke in the middle of the aisle, and he said he'd leave me there and run to the bathroom!!! Men are just so weak.

 

Mingill - July 12

My goodness, how is he going to handle the baby's delivery? At least you'll have lots of nurses around to help. Get him a full supply of Maalox/ Peptobismol or whatever will get him by. I guess he's anxious about providing for baby, and how baby will change things etc. All normal things for a new dad to stress about. Don't know how he could get over the anxiety, hopefully seeing his baby for the first time will calm him down. My DH is similar, but I can eventually get him to talk about it (men can be so stubborn and tight lipped). Do you like to cook? If you feel up to it, you could make a meal or two to freeze for after you have baby and don't have the energy/time to cook. Good luck, your babe could be arriving anytime now.

 

piratesmermaid - July 12

He acted the same way, according to my father-in-law and my mother-in-law, all during the day before he proposed, and all night and morning before our wedding. ....... He's actually been good about talking about how he's feeling. That hasn't been a problem, which I'm glad. 'Course it's funny, because I"m the stronger one in those conversations, consoling him. ;) He just wants to be a good dad, and he's scared since he's doesn't know what he heck he's doing that our daughter is going to resent him. Whereas I'm not worried about stuff like that. I'm worried that she'll be screaming and I"ll just stare at her because I won't know what to do! ....... Oh, and he wants to help "catch" her as she's being born as well. Yeah, we'll see how that works out. I don't see him pa__sing out though, he's a taxidermist... Hmmm...but at the same time he does get queasy watching those surgery shows on DiscoveryHealth channel. Maybe I should keep a closer eye on him. 'Course I'm hoping that worrying about him will distract me from my own pain, or I'll just give him a smack and tell him to get over it, I'm the one having the baby not him!!

 

ashley - July 12

Hey there.....im sorry you are feeling so isolated. In a way I can sorta relate. Though Dh has his family right at my back door-step my dad and step-mom live 900 miles away and my mom and other family live 1100 miles away. I have a very select few friends that I have finally made around here, but they live in two different towns about 30 minutes and 50 miles away. I feel very isolated on this ranch with gas prices so high. I have a very laid back and lazy black lab dog that makes for a wondeful pet. I also have a very lazy cat. I love pets, especially my ducks, lol As I speak they are jumping in and out of thier tiny pool like little freaks its so funny to watch. But look at the bright side you wont stay pregnant forever and you'll have that wonderful baby to hold and cuddle and to care for. I so wish I lived closer to my family. My mom is in New Mexico, and my Dad in North Dakota and I am in Montana. I have no family what so ever in this state. So vent away. I know it sucks. But wyoming and Montana is so gorgous. The mountains, the fresh air, the scenery I just love. Take care.

 

Mingill - July 12

That's about it, I did hear from one queasy, emotional dad that because the birth of your baby is so different from anyting you've ever experienced, it takes on a surreal quality. And this dad just described it as "Weird and out there". The funny part was, he was the husband of a doula who had just finished telling us how wonderful and beautiful birth was. Anyway, he managed to stay on his feet. I guess your hubby just needs rea__surance that he'll be a good dad. It's all instincts and with practice he'll be a pro. I doubt you're daughter will grow up to resent him in any way, if anything she'll be a daddy's girl. My Dh has only ever held 3 newborns, and only for a few minutes. I'm looking forward to watching him hold his son/daughter (we don't know what we're having). I just know he's going to cry. I guess it's a bit late for cla__ses, but the hospital should show you what to do (diapers, bathing etc) before you go home, and he can always ask his mom for advice. He'll settle into daddyhood just fine, and then hopefully his stomach will settle too (until she starts dating...)

 

piratesmermaid - July 12

Mingill, my hubby's going to be crying more than the baby!!! He's already accepted that. :) And it's funny you mention the dating thing, because as soon as we found out it was a girl, he started planning how he was going to meet her boyfriends. Ya know, cleaning his gun with a shovel nearby. Crazy men. ;) ....... ashley, where did you get your ducks? Believe it or not, I've always wanted one. I love animals to, and our plan is to save up for a nice amount of land and build a house, breed dogs, raise goats, have ducks and a cat that can hang out in my studio with me. Wyoming is growing on me, the mountains are really nice and there just seems to be so much more sky up here than in MS. My family and friends are all spread out too. Mom and stepdad are in Mississippi, Dad and stepmom are in Africa (quite a long way away), and I've got close friends in Louisiana, Alabama, Tennessee, and Virginia. Extended family in California, Missouri, Florida, North Carolina, Guam, and Colorado. My family in Colorado is only about 2 hours away, that's the closest, so we try to see them once every month or two.

 

Mingill - July 12

My grandpa met my mom's first date sitting on the porch cleaning his gun, with his hunting knife strapped to his leg, poor guy was so nervous, he never asked my mom out again. Men can be so silly :o)

 

piratesmermaid - July 12

LOL, Mingill! That sounds about right!

 

dee23 - July 12

aww i almost cryed reading your post about your cat....i had to give my old cat to the pound once and it put me in tears for days.

 

krc - July 12

i kinda know how you feel. I moved in with my mom and her husband when I was 6 months pregnant in another city. ( my boyfriend pa__sed away so it was too painful to be around our friends and stuff ). I did have a job up until 2 weeks ago when I became 35 weeks pregnant but it was in retail and I couldn't handle it anymore...being on my feet and picking up clothes all day !! So now I am home by myself and even when my mom and her hubby are home we really dont socialize much, usually I just stay in my room. So im going nuts at times. Im so sick of always doing everything alone, whether it is running errands, going to the beach, watching a movie, evening eating dinner. We dont have family dinners here, my mom dont cook, it's always fend for yourself. Plus my mom drives me absolutely nuts !!!! I haven't lived with her in 5 years since her and my father divorced. Now im living with her and her new hubby and they both drive me nuts. I also have no friends here and it sucks. Yesterday I told my mom that my life is just me, her and her hubby and that bothers me to think that when my son is born Im 4 hours away from all my friends and family and the thought of sharing my son with ONLY them two is depressing !!! I think I hurt her feelings. It's very hard knowing my sons father will never be here and going thru this pregnancy alone wishing he was here to laugh at my swollen feet gets to me but you know what? Believe it or not my 2 cats keep me pretty darn entertained !!! I swear if it wasn't for themi'd be a mess. I wish I could take them for walks and stuff or to the beach but atleast they make me laugh. Animals really are good therapy.

 

ashley - July 12

PM-I got my duck from a kid selling them. He has a little duck breeding business. Cost me a wopping 7 dollars for both and 9 dollars for a bag of duck feed. I love them they are very cute and entertaining.

 

steph-in-saint-pete-beach - July 12

I think we must have realy close due dates, mines the 16th. I feel so irritable that I could bite the head off of a puppy. I am anxiouse, worried, exausted, miserable, depressed, and annoyed. I too have no friends here, or family. Oh, geez, I must have forgotten, I have the in laws in from Argentina, since the end of March, oh, not leaving till december, watching me like a hawk, with way too much advice. I hide in my room when I can. I quit school early in the semester when I first got pregnant, was too sick. School doesnt start till late august for this semester, had to quit work 6 weeks ago, and my hubby is always working, 70 hours a week! I JUST WAKE UP EVERYDAY WANTING MY BABY TO BE HERE SO i WILL FINALLY HAVE A PURPOSE! Boy sorry, I needed to vent too.

 

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