I Want This Baby More Than Anything But

10 Replies
Preggo - March 8

Now that she's come I'm scared. Not of labor but of the rippling effect of how my life is changing (change with DH too). I'm 30 and I've been trying to have a baby for atleast 5-7 years with 2 losses and now I'm just scared of everything. I really don't have any women around me to talk this through or to help me when she's born. Some of you ladies that may have felt this way with your first, how did you cope or deal with this? Will these feelings go away when I can look down into me baby's eyes and see apart of me soul looking back?

 

HH - March 8

Hi Preggo, I think what you're feeling is very normal. I feel it too some times, I just wonder if I will like the change in my life, but...when I close my eyes and see myself holding our baby (we are having our first too) I feel SO happy and content. I know for sure we will love them more than life itself..no matter how fussy or tiring they will be, it still won't matter when we hold them and see their smiles. Plus not everything is permenant, for example you won't be sleep deprived ALL your life..the older they get, the easier things get and the more we get to enjoy doing things with them. It all comes down to how you are, you can enjoy it or not enjoy it..if you are an easy person, then the change won't matter. If you are a fussy person, then it might take you a little while to get used to your new life. I'm sure you will be a great mother and will love your baby. Also involve your husband with everything, you can still spend tons of time together while caring for your own child, it'll be great. Best of luck to you.

 

JH - March 8

I totally understand. We are due next month after ttc for 3 years and 1 loss. I found myself crying uncontrollably when I hit week 34 last week. It was frustrating because I feel like I should be thrilled right now not depressed. I decided that I think I am afraid that being a mom will not be all that I have "planned" for it to be in all of these years of anticipation. Other than putting my finger on it, I haven't figured what to do about it. Let me know if you come up with something.

 

AT - March 8

I am 31 and my first is now 5 months old. The beginning was very scary-especially since it started 5 weeks earlier than we expected! My husband and I did it alone but together. There were some pretty hairy moments and you tend to b__w everything out of proportion. The time has flown by and we are doing great. My advice: sleep and relax. Your baby won't know that you don' t always have the answers. He will get bigger and less needy and be a constant source of love and entertainment. Good luck.

 

Preggo - March 8

Thank you so much for your comments . They are encouraging. Right after I wrote this post, I played that song "Isn't she Lovely" by Stevie Wonder (thats my song to her) and cried with elation beyond belief that I am actually going to be a mother. I'm so greatful and hesitant and scared all at once. I AM just like every other women. I can do what a women was created to do too. For so long I looked at myself as less than a normal women because I couldn't and I'm in disbelief that everything has changed now. JH... I think I feel alot like what your feeling. AT .... Thank you ..... we are human and you're right we won't always have all the answers and thats ok.

 

meme - March 8

I'm turning 30 in two weeks, & I never desired to have a baby at all until about two years ago. We get what we wish for!... I finally got into a great relationship, & he'll be an excellent father for sure. But we still both have doubts. And we know that's only normal. I feel like it's going to be much different & more challenging than anything else I've ever done... & I've done some really tough, burly things in my lifetime! But I also feel like it's going to be so worth it. Just like you mention in your original post: "when I can look down into my baby's eyes & see a part of my soul looking back"... & more. We feel mature enough, like we had our traveling & adventures, our educations, & we can share all that with this beautiful little soul soon. It goes back & forth between apprehension & excitement... but glad to say it's mostly excitement. Good luck!

 

K - March 8

Hi Preggo. I'm in my 30s and we tried for 4 years before I got pregnant. Like you I spent alot of my pregnancy terrified that I wouldn't know what the heck to do with a baby or how to take care of her and would be a rotten mother , and also worried about what we had done to our lives which were pretty good and we were pretty set in our ways. My daughter is now 3 weeks old. The minute she was born all those feelings went away and the instinct I didn't think I had kicked in. I have been surprisingly calm since she has been born and there are no more fears. I am however sleep deprived now!

 

L - March 9

K, your post was so refreshing for me to read. I'm 39 and battled infertilty for 6 years before getting pregnant. I've been elated my entire pregnancy but now that I realize my little one could be here in 1-4 weeks I feel terrified. I don't know exactly what I'm terrified of, I just feel terrified and hoping he comes after his due date.

 

JEN - March 9

Preggo- I just have to say that I felt the same way you do just before my son was born. I had been ready to have a baby for years, but my hubby and I were just waiting for the right time...and it finally came. When I neared the end of my pregnancy, I began to feel terrified of everything that I knew would change...and some of those fears did come true- your life really does change in every way, but it is a change for the better! You learn to sacrafice yourself, but you will love doing it ( and I am normally a pretty selfish person!) The most amazing moment in my whole life has been when the doctor placed my son in my arms for the first time- words can not even describe that feeling. And just when you think you could not possibly love your baby any more, you wake up the next day and your feelings are twice as strong. Just know, the beginning is tough- I think it is rough on all new moms, but it is also wonderful, and it gets better every day. Congrats!

 

Suzanne - March 9

I feel the same. I am 32 weeks and scared to death. The best advice I got that made me feel better was from my mother who told me to get a play pen and keep the baby in it at all times. That way you can take a shower, get the mail, paint your nails; and your baby is safe and you know where it is at all times. I was worried about my life being "gone" by chasing after a baby all day. This is my first baby and I hope it is all worth it just like you. We will find out soon enough!

 

to Suzanne - March 9

That's one idea. But possibly a more humane idea would be to get a baby sling... you can get stuff done & not neglect your baby's need to be close to his/her mama... a necessary part of life that leads to, among other things, good self-esteem & secure feelings.

 

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