In Law Crisis

17 Replies
sbyrd - January 23

My boyfriend just invited his mother to be in the delivery room with us when we have our baby. The problem is, I absoluely HATE her!!! She is always so rude, and I cannot even stand being around her. It obviously wasnt my botfriends place to invite her, but now I need a polite way to tell them that she cannot be in the room. Please help!

 

chriss - January 23

You should demand that your boyfriend un-invite her. He is the one who invited her without discussing it with you, let him worry about hurting her feelings. This experience is very personal and should be nothing more/less than what you are comfortable with! If having her there makes you uncomfortable than you have every right to ask that she not be there and if your BF doesn't like that, than that's tough luck for him! Just my opinion of course! It will just be myself and my husband in the delivery room, we have made it very clear from the beginning that there would be noone else there. The Dr.'s even recommend that there be as few people as possible because it is so chaotic!

 

KimS - January 23

sbyrd.. I feel your pain, I hate my MIL too, and when I told my husband that I wanted my mom in the delivery room, he said, well I've got a mom too... I explained to him that I will not be comfortable with anyone other than my mom and him in the room, that I was not comfortable about her seeing that much of me!!! I would talk to your boyfriend and try and explain and get him to tell his mom that he hadn't thought about how it may make you feel.. and maybe suggest that she be at the hospital but in the waiting room so that by the time she comes in to see the baby, you can be all covered up.... good luck!!! Kim

 

sbyrd - January 23

Thankyou sooo much guys! I was so worried about hurting my boyfriends feelings, but he is totally just going to have to deal with it! Its funny because my mom is going to be in the room, and he said the same thing about him having a mom too. He must not understand that the relationship I have with my mother is MUCH diffrent! Thankyou both so much for your advice!

 

Tammy276 - January 23

First, it was not your BF's place to ask his mother...You are the one giving birth!! Second, you will just have to sit down with him and tell him that noone will be in the room besides you and him and your mom...Also, make sure you tell the hospital what your wishes are. If you tell them noone is allowed in the room besides your DH and your mom, they have to listen to your wishes. When my husband I discussed this, I told him if anything I would maybe want my mom in there and he says to me "well I have a mom and a step mom, so you would have to invite them too" and I said Uh, no I wouldn't, its my body, I'm the one in pain, I'm the one delivering the baby...if they want to be at the hospital waiting in the waiting room, thats fine, but I have the say of who is in the room with us....not you....and he listened

 

Melissa30 - January 23

I had a similar problem. My MIL just a__sumed she would be in the delivery room because right when we told her we were trying the first thing she said was she was moving back to where we live because she could not BARE the thought of not seeing her first biological grandchild being born. I sat there stunned but I didn't say anything. When she found out I was pregnant, she sold her house, spent $10,000 to move here so she would be here when I go into labor. HAHA the joke is on her, I have to have a C-section and only my DH can be in there with me.

 

chrissi79 - January 23

Oooooh, that is NOT cool!! Wow, I hope you have told your BF that you are not happy with the fact that he did that. Did he even mention it to you before he asked??? Why would he do that? Does he know that you don't get along so well with her? Wow, I REALLY think he needs to know that you are unhappy with this and that it was not his place whatsoever to invite her - ESPECIALLY without your consent...I mean, really, who is the one actually having this baby?

 

chrissi79 - January 23

Sorry, and can I just say one hting...WHAT is the deal with the mama's boys?? "i've got a mom too"?? UH huh...and when HER daughter has a baby then guess what....god!!!! Sometimes it kills me how these men turn into whiny babies when it comes anything to do with their mommies!! LOL Sorry, just a little vent, I'm due any day and am VERY VERY cranky!! LOL

 

Hi - January 23

I've had 2 Mil's and 3 children.I knew my mom would be with me for each.So my second birth I let first MIL be in the room thought I was being pretty cool about that.And the d__n woman had nerve enough to bring some teenaged girl who I didn't even know .I was in pain said what the hell maybe I'd scare her into waiting for children,lol.My 3rd birth I decided no MIL don't care for this one much at all.Unfortunatly my mom ended up missing the birth although she was right outside the door with my other 2 children.But Right after the baby came out My fiance hauls b___t to the door and yanks it open everyone comes pouring in the room,his mom,my mom,and my sons.Thankfully they got pulled back out into the hallway.Because my b___t was still in the air and the doc was delivering the placenta.How darn embarrasing is that???So I say if you don't want her in there honey it's you who calls that show.Maybe her being in there might create a bond for you 2??But if you dislike her that much I say make him tell her No.You don't need that stress during a time like giving birth.Good Luck and Take Care.

 

catgiggles - January 23

I hate my mil too! No way is she being in there and I have made that very clear along with the fact that he doesnt get a choice. As someone earlier mention. All you have to do is tell the nurses who you want in there. They will run interference for you by just telling everyone else they need to leave.

 

JenniferRose - January 23

THANK GOD someone else who is going through the same thing as me. My fiance mother is a total B&*%*! I cant stand her, she has been trying to run my life, especially ever sense i got diagnosed with GD, and ever sense i found out i was pregnant ( Given im a lil on the bigger side and she's not), she has pounded me the hole pregnancy about gaining weight, meanwhile ive lost weight the ENTIRE pregnancy, well anyways (Sorry girls im Venting), she now a__sumes she is going to be in the room when i go into labor. Urgh! Im just gonna tell the nurse that i only want my fiance there, does that sound like a good plan?

 

zay28 - January 23

well, i am not agree with girls feeling unconfortable by having their mother in the delivery room. BUT MIL, no way!! i think that is a very personal and your privates part will be exposed. So youhave the total rigth to decide who is in or who is not there. Sorry but people can impose their presence just because they feel like it..

 

SaraH - January 24

I would talk to your b/f and tell him he needs to tell his mom that she can not be there, b/c you are not comfortable w/ it. If you aren't planning on having anyone else other then your b/f in the room then it would be a good “excuse” to get out of her being there, as he could just tell his mom, "WE decided that we’re not going to have anyone in the delivery room.” He could also add, if you don’t mind her being in the hospital “…but it would be great if want to be in the waiting room so that you can meet the baby right away." That sort of "explanation" should hopefully prevent her from getting too crabby about it, but if she does then hopefully it will be at your b/f since he's the one who will be telling her. ---and I agree it was not his place to invite her w/o your consent. GL.

 

Kristin11 - January 24

sbyrd, i too have a rude and overbearing mil. This is my 2nd child with my hubby, i will not be inviting her in the birthing room, nor was she invited last time. I can understand your being uncomfotable with the situation. You will be exposed, as well as in a stressful and painful position. Your bf does not have to the right to invite anyone youre not comfotable with. Like many of the women said it should be his duty to uninvite his mother. Yes he does have a mother too, but the situation is not nearly the same, he is suppose to be staning there as support not asking for support for himself. Make him understand that it is going to be a stressful enough situation without, having someone in the room that will give you additional stress. Good Luck.

 

MAT - January 24

Ask your SO how he would feel abou having your mom come to a procedure where his p___s would be hanging out...LOL!!! I am lucky this hasn't come up with us...my MIL is very good about only being involved when invited (she shares opinons, but I can live with that). I did have to tell my mom that she couldn't come to the hospital - I would stress about people waiting. I think they forget how long it can take. I need to focus on what my body is doing - not other peoples' needs. Hospitals usually have rules about how many people can be in a birthing room. Nurses are also happy to tell people that they can't come in - just let them know what you want when you are being admitted. People are excited and have good intentions but that doesn't mean that they are being helpful!

 

KatieB - January 24

Labor isn't a sideshow, I can't believe he would just up and ask her without even discussing it with you. I agree with MAT, ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned. Sometimes you just need your mom for comfort sake but you don't want to be showing your na-na's to the whole world.

 

candaceann1 - January 24

If you do not feel comfortable with her, I would tell your BF NO-WAY!

 

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