Insensitive Hubby

14 Replies
first timer - November 26

Am I the only one who wants to punch my dh sometimes? He says such insensitive things and I know he doesn't mean to be rude but....this morning we were watching my belly move all around and he said, "Are you putting cream on your belly because your stretch marks look really bad." And when my aunt saw me for the first time in a few months she thought I would look bigger. She didn't think I looked that big. So I told a few coworkers and they all agreed that I looked pretty small. I was telling my dh and he said, "Well I think you look huge." Anyone else w/ the comments from DH?

 

Annette - November 26

Oh, dear. I could come with a HUGE list of hubbie´s insensitive comments/att_tudes/reactions. I already started getting used to it... or maybe not... but I try! I don´t think they are trying to hurt us they are just INSENSITIVE and DUUUUUMB. Not long ago I asked if he was happy of having a baby; instead of saying a plain YES which was what I was looking for he dared to say this baby was complicating HIS life. Excuse me? I am getting fat and ugly, I am throwing up, I have to do housechores with big belly and all the discomfort, my emotions are a rollercoaster, I will push it out or worst case get a scar on my belly and b___stfeed. He just goes to work and comes back, and money is not an issue so THANK YOU for letting me know that all what I am going through is good for nothing. When our baby started kicking, I put his hand on my belly so he could feel it and what he said was "Is that all?"... sorry, honey, I´ll teach him more tricks to entertain you! I bought him a birthday present and told him it was from his son and he just looked at me like saying "what son?" and the list goes oooon and oooon and oooooon, I could type forever. But you know what? he lets me know in other ways that he loves me and the baby, and that he is happy and excited, so I TRY to forgive him and try to understand that he has no idea of what I am going through. After all, we are the ones who have changed, not the world around us. Maybe in a few years we will read this and think "how could I be so upset about it? " So chin up, dear, and best wishes to you.

 

E - November 26

I really can't stand to hear,see or talk to dh--especially when he says oh it's your hormones again or why are you so moody or let me guess your tooo tired to cook and he says that after i get home from my full time job....I sleep in my daughters room as often as i can...She's more understanding at age 7 than dh.....due 1/28/05 can't wait to feel normal again...

 

Kaeli - November 26

To First Timer- My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing! I had a total breakdown yesterday, I told him that if he asked if I had put lotion on one more time I was going to smack him!!! He said, I just dont want you to feel bad about your stretch marks. (which are VERY few). I told him instead why dont you offer to help rub lotion on me instead of asking me or just handing me the bottle and telling me to do it. I wasnt at all sensitive about my stretch marks until he started in on this... I think Annette is right, insensitive and dumb hits it right on the head! Oh and his new one "thing" is... "After the baby is born, WE are really going to have to start to excercise to lose some weight". GEE THANKS HON... Do you think you could wait at least til I have the baby before you start in on how fat I have gotten with YOUR SON! Grr... ok I am all mad now.. lol... good luck to you all!

 

E - November 26

When i was about 1 month preg( i didn't know yet) I started peeling the wall paper in my bathroom because it was peeling in a few spots--to make a long story short the stuff i was using to peel wall paper started making me sick so I had to stop and its half way off--that's when I started feeling morning sickness,tired ect. ect...Do you think he would go ahead and finish the bathroom?????NOOOOO! I'll just wait for pregnant wife to do it 71/2 months later....what is going on with some of these insensitive men---Especially when they bring up our weight or stretch marks...I try to ignore the remarks so I don't stress myself or son out.....that's all i can do.

 

Me again - November 26

Got another one, girls! What about when you buy baby clothing/toys/bottles and instead of saying "that´s nice" or "I like it" they ask 1) how much you spent and/or 2)do this baby is going to need so much stuff ?

 

To Stephanie - November 26

You know the old joke: How many husbands do you need to change a light bulb? Just one, but you need to tell him 1000,000 times to do it!

 

shaina - November 27

Myboyfriend calls me fatso!!!! Seriously, and I am only 3 months pregnant and barely showing!!!! He says he is only kidding, but he wouldn't just say it as a joke, would he, it has to be deeper than that!!!!! Also he constantly reminds me to put on lotion " against stretchmarks" and I don't have any!!!!! He is more worried about my looks than my pregnancy!!!

 

Confused - November 27

Ouch! Reading some of this was painful. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think a lot of you ladies are being WAY too nice with your husband's or b/f's insensitive and rude comments. Betcha YOU don't say stuff like that to them, when they're sick, or if they have some type of medical condition! I think SarahL's maneuver, during her last pregnancy, was good. She got her point across to her husband - treat me with love and respect, or else! In all honesty (and I'm not referring to myself, as I was fortunate with my previous husband, at least with regard to pregnancy, and am also fortunate with my current husband), this is the sort of thing I've found that will stick in your brain for years to come, because you're feeling so vulnerable and want to be able to recall how special your guy made you feel. I don't think it's a hormonal reaction, except that the hormones highten your feelings that would be there even if you weren't pregnant! Besides, they're not like this with other people, when they're not feeling so chipper, so why pick on the person they're supposed to be the closest to?

 

Stephanie - November 27

Well, yesterday morning I was so p__sed off, woke up real grumpy,and basically told him that I could pack up my stuff and move back to the States and be totally happy. Well. He's been busting a__s ever since! Dishes done, laundry, catbox, gave me a nice long foot/ankle/leg ma__sage, hooked up the stereo (we just moved into a townhouse last month and yes, I've asked him a million times to do it). Anyway, guess it took a little b__w up from me for him to see the light. He even went to the salon with me today so I could get my eyebrows waxed.

 

Annette - November 27

See? That´s the thing! They can be really nice when they want to, the problem is that we EXPECT them to be spontaneous as we women are, while men are much better following instructions : ))) I am glad for you Stephanie.

 

Kate and Baby - November 28

Hi first timer. I am a first timer myself. I understand what you are going through but just because you are pregnant doesn't mean that you can't stand up for yourself. My husband and myself went through this and if your husband is anything like mine then try what I am telling you. When he says things like that to you get an att_tude like it doesn't bother you, don't make fun of him but be little him right back. Let him know that it isn't bothering you. If it is something more serious CRY CRY CRY. The more you make him feel bad about what he did or said the better. Since I started doing this with my husband he does everything!!! They don't understand what is going on emotionally with you and your body. My husband is on the thin side and I of course way as much if not more than he does. When he said things about my looks or weight, I would say something right back about his weight. Men have there insecurities too. I don't like to make him feel bad but it will knock some sense into him. Being pregnant makes me devious.... LOL good luck and let me know if anything changes. Keep your head up it will all be over soon.

 

to first timer.. - November 28

Um.. well where shall I start? lol. This is my second pregnancy and I typically don't put up with his c___p. He is more just insensitive than rude. He doesn't make rude comments but he just doesn't get the pregnancy thing either. I work part time, and home the rest of the time with my 26 month old.. He literally will come home and do NOTHING! He says he has had a hard day and just needs a little time to unwind. Okay, first, our child goes to bed at 7:30 and my husband doesn't get home until 6-6:30. He loves to play with our child but feeding, bathing, etc. is out. I am like, um, hey bud, have you noticed that I am 8 months pregnant and dead tired!! Sorry.. you are having a hard day. What about mine!! ~ I just don't think men get anything... However, my husband never makes a comment about my body, size, etc. I think I would boot him out of the house (and he knows it) if he did.. Plus, he gained more weight than I did with our first baby so I can always throw that in the mixture because he has yet to lose all of it as well! ;)

 

r - November 28

well my dh thinks being pregnant is so easy...I am 35yrs old this is my 3rd his 1st (my other 2 are by my ex husband) so he does not have a clue..I work fulltime and plus have him and 2 kids to take care of, he has it very easy but I have had to b__w up a couple of times to make him see just what I am going thru but as far as remarks about me he really does not say anything bad if anything he seems to love my extra full curves (b___bs and yes my b___t) but as far as stretch marks I really don't have any just very few from my first pregnancy and they hardly show at all guess I just have stretchy skin hee hee but I really don't think men get it at all....some can just be nicer than others....

 

E - November 28

This is why god picked us women to have the babies----Men wouldn't be able to handle it!!!!!!!!

 

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