Is Anyone Jealous Of MIL

30 Replies
Allyson - February 28

My MIL lives faraway, but I think she is too much into the baby, this is the first grandson, but I think sometimes she's crossing the line and wants to act like the Mom. She gave us like 4 pictures to decorate the room, without asking the theme, now she's sending a box with I don't know how many things, and wanted to buy even the underwear for the baby, I told her that I would do that, she also wants to do the keepsakes for baby's baptism and she said that when she comes to visit my husband and me go to the movies and leave her with the baby. I don't know why but I don't want to leave her with my baby, I just get so jealous when she talks about my son refering to him as her little angel. He is my little angel, not hers! She is the granma, not the mom. I don't know why but I'm afraid that when she comes she will want to hold the baby all the time. I know this might sound selfish or stupid, I don't know if the hormones are afecting my brain, but I wanted to see if someone else is in the same boat and if this is normal. I consider myself a kind person that likes to share with others, but I can't help feeling like this with my MIL.

 

missy - February 28

I dont think you need to be jealous, grandmas are GREAT!!! I dont know what I would do with out my mom. So what if she wants to hold the baby all the time, she lives faraway you get to hold him as long as you want and as often as you want when shes not in town. It is normal to feel this way, just dont let it come between the two of you. If she offers to buy him stuff, why not?! She probably feels sad not being able to see him all the time, so just be prepared that every time she sees him she is going to spoil him to death!! Thats what my mom does and she only lives 10 minutes away from me!!! Go out on that date with your husband and enjoy!!! Good luck

 

Allyson - February 28

Missy, I think probably it's different when it's your Mom, I don't have a Mom, she pa__sed away 8 years ago, so I can't relate to you I'm so used to be very independent and do everything on my own, beside, I don't have a very good relationship with my MIL, she is the type of person that always likes things done her way, so I'm afraid that I'll ask her to put baby on his back and he will do whatever she wants. She also gives her opinion about everything even if you don't ask. My DH and me have had so many fights because of her, she sometimes try to put my DH against me, saying that she tries her best and I don't and complaining about little things that she thinks I do onpurpose.

 

:o) - February 28

Grandparents are God's gift to humanity. I absolutely LOVED my grandparents when I was little (and still do now!) My husband is afraid that my and his parents are always going to be over spoiling the baby (first grandkid on both sides) and that he's not going to have any time with him/her. But in my eyes, it's the grandparent's JOB to spoil the kids. I bet that once the baby's here for a while, you'll be dying to go out on a date with your hubby, so don't let your jealousy get in the way of having a good time. Like that old saying "don't cut off your nose to spite your face". It IS normal though, to feel how you're feeling. But you should try to be happy that your baby is being born into such a loving and eager family. Lol, my mom could spend hours talking to my stomach aka, the baby, over the phone (we live 8 hours away). My mom is even setting up a crib in her room so that when we visit for a weekend the baby can sleep with her. I just think "why not, after getting up a million times during the night to feed and change the baby, I'm going to welcome a good night's rest (and some alone time with my husband). Let her send things for the baby, she's just super excited. It will calm down after a while. The biggest gift you can give to your son is to let his grandparents be as much in his life as possible. Let her hold him while you get some stuff done around the house or take a well deserved nap. Just remember, even if you find it hard to let her hold him and babysit him, do it, because you're doing it for your son. He's a person, not a posession, and he deserves to interact with other people too. Good luck!

 

:o) - February 28

and by the way, I don't have a great realtionship with my mother in law either, she sounds kind of like yours. But I know that she will love my baby and that my baby will better for knowing her and my FIL. I don't agree with the way she raises her children and I make it very clear how I want things done, but I wouldn't stop her from holding or loving our child. You'll just have to see how things go.

 

pbj - February 28

Trust me, when your ds comes you are going to appreciate your MIL like never before. My mother is useless at helping, my MIL is a Godsend...I don't know what I would do w/o her. She's just like any other MIL, she can be annoying, but she loved my dd more than anything. I think you're being a little harsh. Parents didn't have themed rooms when your husband was a baby, they used what people gave them, it probably didn't even occur to her that you may be following a theme. It is also her little angel, that's a wonderful thing. How would you feel if she were totally disinterested? You would feel like c___p. Moms need a break, that's why we have grandmas...I wouldn't trust my dd with anyone else.

 

missy - February 28

Allyson, I am sorry to hear about your mother. I can relate, we lost my MIL last year, and she was the type of person who did things her way! She used to watch my son for a year and b/c of it they grew such a special bond that I would never want to take away from him. He is 3 1/2 and still talks about her daily, he really misses her. so like :o) said do it for your boy!! Grandparents are meant to spoil!!!

 

missy - February 28

she watched him while we were at work--meant to throw that in--sorry

 

HannahBaby - February 28

you are definatly losing it. maybe you feel that way because its his mother and not his. i know how you feel because my mother in law does the SAME and i mean SAME exact thing, but i brush it off, they dont mean any harm they just love their family!! my mother in law is 13 hours away and rarely sees my baby. She is sending a dress for her to wear for easter, in the beginning i had the same reaction, but now i realize that shes doing it because she loves her...no other reason....My daughter is the luckyest girl in the world for having such a caring and loving grandmother....so is your child

 

Heather - February 28

I went through the same exact thing except it was with my mom. I have the best relationship with my mom and she is my best friend. When my son was born 3 weeks ago he was in NICU and my mom would spend hours up there when I wasn't there and it really upset me. I don't know why it upset me but it did. I think I was scared that he was going to bond with her and not me... i don't know. I finally woke up and realized that my son was being held and loved when I wasn't able to be there and he would feel that and be that much better for it. Hormones do crazy things. Don't feel like you are going crazy - it is just your hormones.

 

Michelle - February 28

I can understand how you feel, My MIL is next door! All she talks about is "her baby" And she is always telling me what to do or not do. And she starts off the sentence with "you better not" then whatever it is. I do get angry. I have the same fears that she will hog the baby when hes born, Or just grab him from my arms without asking. I do think it is different when its your MIL. But on the other hand my mom would never say the things that my MIL says. especialy to a soon to be new mom. So you are not alone....Good Luck

 

donna - February 28

Allyson- I can somewhat understand what you are feeling. My MIL irritates me, not b/c shes doing what yours is, but she is the BIGGEST WORRIER!!! Its enough to drive a person insane. I am worried about her coming to stay in our house for a couple nights after I give birth b/c the LAST thing I want to worry about after coming home from the hospital is her needless worry. She is also a a___l neat freak, and I dont want her making faces or remarks about our house at that time b/c the last thing I will do is clean the house when I come home w/ my little baby. I have to bite my lip sometimes b/c she just annoys me. I am trying so hard to keep the peace, but I know I am going to be more on edge than ever once I have my baby, and I am afraid I will snap one day, and she is the type of person to hold a grudge if I do that, so I have to be careful. AHHH!!! I absolutely LOVE my mom helping. she has been a godsend, but I just cant get real close to my MIL. I am trying to be good for my husbands sake, but there is only so much one person can take.

 

Allyson - February 28

Thanks Michelle and Donna, your comments were so helpful. I think not everybody can understand what I'm feeling. I have a long history of problems with my MIL. I would never do anything to separate my husband or my baby from my DH's family, I'm not that kind of person!! It's just hard trying to feel close to her, when she has caused so many problems, maybe I just feel weird, because she has been very mean to me sometimes, she even said to me one day that she felt so uncomfortable having me staying at her house. And the most hurtful thing was when she said that she was not my mother and would never be, so that if I wanted we could be only "friends" I mean.. come on, you don't say to a person who doesn't have a Mom, I cried for days and even when we were in town had to stay in another place but her house so I wouldn't upset her... For the sake of my husband I always encorage him to stay there with her. Now that we got pregnant, she wants to come and visit and try to be family when she never wanted to come to visit us in 4 years!! she even asked for forgiveness about throwing me out of her house. She even admited that she was doing this, so when we got the baby we stayed at her house. I think when someone has hurt you so much it's so hard to feel them like family. Specially because my husband ask her if she could come to help me after the baby was born, and she said no, that she would come later in the summer, when it was a best time for her!!!

 

Lucy - February 28

Allyson, Don't feel bad about the way you feel, I think is normal to have some rivarly with your MIL.. I was reading a very interesting article that talked about how some moms and MIL try to compete with the new Mom, so if she's trying to do this, just try to be patient, she's only coming to visit you once in a while.

 

sparkles - February 28

Allyson, not everyone's MIL is a godsend and you know your MIL better than anyone else here. While your MIL can enjoy having a grandchild and everything that comes along with it, she should not be doing things that knowingly step on your toes as this child's mother. You are this baby's mommy and it should be your right to decorate the nursery, buy the baptism keepsakes, and even buy the underwear if you want to. Just let your MIL know what you do and don't want her to buy or do. She needs to respect you and the fact that this is your time and your baby. I know that I'm putting a limit on the gifts that my MIL buys for the baby. She's a shopaholic (seriously) and I know she will be buying things for the baby ALL the time. As this baby's mommy, I don't feel comfortable with that and I know I'll have to say something when it starts happening. Plus, I don't want everything my baby has to come from my MIL. I, also, wouldn't be able to stand anyone except my hubby calling my baby their "little angel, girl, or whatever". And I will set straight anyone who says that. Just remember that your MIL is probably just excited about the new grandchild and will want to go crazy at first. But make sure she knows what is crossing the line or stepping on your toes, so there won't be any unnecessary family drama. Good luck.

 

Bec - March 1

I can relate to you Allyson. I do try to take on board what alot of the other girls here are saying in that you have to try to let go of some of your resentment and jealousy but I know how hard it can be! My MIL and FIL live 5 minutes away and yet we don't see them for weeks at a time! We have two little boys and another baby on the way (3 weeks) and yet she has done nothing at all to help or support me - she doesn't even speak about the baby I'm about to have - as if I'm not even pregnant... noone in that family have acknowledged this baby - not a congratulations or how are you feeling... RAH! Although.. when the baby comes she will be dropping in unannounced at all hours with some currant buns and tell me to put the kettle on so she can have some morning tea with her grandchildren (yes, she has said and done it before..!!) She has said and done many things like you mentioned your MIL has which have made me bawl my eyes out for days and each time I forgive her and try to forget but it's so hard isn't it?? Wow I could go on all day about how much the lady infruriates me... but I'd better leave room for other people to post! I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone - I totally understand what you are feeling and I respect that you are feeling that way! Just zip your mouth and count to ten when she says inappropriate comments because either way we are stuck with these women for the rest of our lives and for the sake of our children who deserve to have an unbiased and close relationship with their grandparents we have to just keep quiet! I hope things get a little easier for you and if you ever want to vent some more, I'm listening to ya sista!!!

 

yes - March 1

a woman's mother is wonderful. MIL's can be pains in the azz. Thank God she doesn't live close! My MIL lives 2 hours away but I can remember those annoying visits. Just remember....they do eventually leave..

 

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