Is This Anxiety Or Depression Or Both

24 Replies
star_eyes - October 12

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and for the last two weeks I've been feeling sick to my stomach and feeling bouts of anxiety and depression. It comes in waves and can last anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours at a time. It comes out of nowhere and then just disappears. I'm usually a very mentally stable person so I assume it's from my hormones but I was wondering if anyone else has felt this way and what did you do about it. Please help!!! Oh, BTW, this is my first child so I'm new to all of this and any advice is much appreciated.

 

DaBonkElsMe - October 12

I had this going on too. I would feel nervous for no reason, and depressed without warning. But it would pa__s. The best thing I did was to talk about it with my DH. Whenever I felt this way I would tell him and he would remind me of all the wonderful things we had to come. Somethimes he would tell me that he was nervous too, and it would often help to know I was not the only one feeling that way. I still get the sad feeling now and then, but the anxiety is starting to pa__s. Now the only time I really feel anxious is when I think about labor and delivery and imagine it being very long or difficult. But i try to put that out of my head for now. I still have 8 weeks to go... I think these things are perfectly normal at this time in the pregnancy. Search around this third tri board somemore and you will see tons of posts like yours, you are far from the only one feeling this way.

 

star_eyes - October 12

Thanks Dabonk. I really do feel isolated in this pregnancy whenever I'm around anyone besides my DH. Luckily he is so supportive and gives me so much love and attention and really supports me and doesn't make me feel bad for feeling bad. I don't know anyone else who is pregnant so it's easy to feel alone in this sometimes. I'm grateful for people like you who let me know I'm not crazy or alone!!

 

evae777 - October 12

i'm about 27 weeks and i can understand fully! this is my first child too, i don't work, been staying home for 3 months now to prepare to be a SAHM and i am the only one pregnant out of all my friends. my husband works a lot, he leaves at 8 am and comes home around 7-8 pm. we dont have any family near us and sometimes i feel really isolated and dont have anyone to talk to except my mom who can be unpleasant and my girlfriends are single and always out serial dating or with their boyfriends attached to the hip. i'm glad you posted this because i was wondering last night why i feel so uneasy sometimes. then excited and energetic then i get depressed and tired and really anxious. i think to myself that i should be really grateful, i have it really good, but still get that empty feeling. i dont know what it is... maybe purely hormone related?? well, i hope you feel better as the week goes by :D

 

evae777 - October 12

oh and what makes it more sad is the holidays are coming and we can't fly anywhere! we live on the west coast and family is in the midwest. we were going to fly my 10 year old neice out to keep me company through the holidays, but she has too many behavioral/disciplinary problems that i had to change my mind since i shouldn't be getting too stressed during this time. i guess i will be decorating the tree by myself... hopefully you guys at least have family around. it's really tough when there is no family near. anyways, hope you feel better :)

 

alirenee86 - October 12

I feel very anxious but comes more with extreme impatience for me. Don't feel alone as I think it's very normal to feel what you're feeling. This is my first as well, I'm 35 weeks...I haven't gotten depressed really but bouts of sadness that also come and go without warning and I'm a happy stable person as well:) I too feel very alone sometimes despite my very patient, loving and understanding husband, family and friends. My sister isn't even married yet and off doing her own thing, none of my friends are preganant, and those who do already have kids are busy with their families so it's easy to feel alone it it sometimes. My parents are also 2 hours away so I'm on the phone with my mom more than anything. Anyway, getting very anxious lately and find it hard to just chill and relax without feeling like I have 500 other things to be doing. Thank god I feel physically well and have been able to get it all done without a problem, but mentally, I feel all over the place and anxious. Try your best to relax and know that it's ALL hormones. Oh, is worry the same as or part of being 'anxious'. If so, I am worrying about stuff that I never worried about before!! I worry ESPECIALLY about my husband lately!! I always got so annoyed at my mother for worrying all the time and now I feel I'm doing the same. Anyone else with lots of worry for no real reason???!!! You'll be great star_eyes, it'll all pa__s:):)

 

star_eyes - October 12

Evae, I think I saw on the January Mommies link that you are living in SF right? I'm in San Jose. It is hard when you don't have family near by. My husband's family lives here in the area but I'm not very close to them. I'm most close to my mom but she lives in Arizona so all I have is our phone conversations. I'm grateful for that though. I think it must be hormone related because your sypmptoms sound just like mine. I'll be totally excited and happy one minute and then feel like I want to crawl in bed and hide the next! I talked to my doctor about it yesterday and she said that it does sound hormonal but unfortunately because I'm feeling like that now that puts me at a higher risk for experiencing PPD. So, she suggested I take a pre-pardum depression cla__s to see if it helps at all. I'm going on 10/22 so I'll let you know how it goes. Talking about it with you ladies really does help. Just to know that I'm not the only one makes me feel better although I wish that none of us ever felt this way. Keep in touch everyone...Maybe this is a good way for us to stay connected and keep our sanity these next few weeks or months!

 

evae777 - October 15

hi stareyes, how have you been? are you feeling better? i must say that even though i live in sf and there seems to be so much to do, i barely get out. i feel likemost of it is tourist stuff or bars or shopping. so living in the city & feeling lonely stinks especially when limited to the activities since i'm huge these days. how long have you been in san jose? have you pa__sed the depression and anxiety? i've been gloomy lately, all i really have is my husband & as much as he says he understands pregnancy stuff... he still chooses to prove me wrong at every chance on the most trivial stuff (such as whether or not Dasani is really good bottled water!). so that has me in the dumps even worse since he is my closest friend. it is like death by a million papercuts when your partner takes a stab at your sensitivity during a time like this. i don't even want to talk to anyone i am that sad these days. anyways, hope you are at least doing better than i am!

 

star_eyes - October 15

Hi Evae, I'm so sorry to hear that you are so down. I know what that feels like and unfortunately I still have my waves of those feelings throughout the day. :( I'm feeling about the same as I was. I tried to get a bunch of rest this weekend and get some walks in with my dogs to see if that would help. It did help at the time but then like I said, I'm still noticing it. Also, yesterday I was worrying! I really haven't been much of a worrier throughout this pregnancy but yesterday I kept thinking about the baby and just hoping she's ok in there. Thinking about, am I too small, etc. Ahhhh!! I just want her to be here so bad! Oh, BTW, I live in SF for about 8 months a few years ago. It's a great place but can also make you feel lonely too. There's so many people and everyone has their own agenda. It's hard to connect with people there. I can only imagine what that's like being pregnant. As for your husband, does he realize how sensitive you are feeling right now? I also feel sometimes that although my husband tries to understand that there's really no way for him to truly know how I am feeling and that again makes me feel isolated. Boo hoo!! Well, at least we have each other to relate to so we know we're not crazy!! I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this!

 

evae777 - October 15

you are taking your test soon right? the end of this month? are you currently working? i know how it is to worry about the baby, especially since it is your first, i am really small too, so i wonder if i'm even able to give birth! as for my husband, his mother, who is very kind (and i'm not really close to her), she called him out of the blue to let him know how hard her experiences were with her pregnancies (5 kids) and to pretty much kindly tell him to be more sensitive during this time. i think since his dad, is alot like him... overly critical... it was tough for her having 5 kids w/ him being that way so she just took a stab at trying to help me out. she is really really nice! unfortunately even after that pep talk he still manages to have the need to be right... and i'm serious, it is over the most trivial topics. it just makes me sad and dissappointed that he can't budge an inch. i don't work so i show him i appreciate him by cooking and giving him ma__sages almost everynight when he gets off work and i don't ask for anything in return, plus when it comes to pampering he is a taker not a giver so as achy and needy i am for TLC id on't really get any unless i ask for it. so when it comes to disagreements, there are certain things that are solely just opinions, there is no wrong or right, but it seems like he is bent on putting me under him. i think it is because i dont work, i help pay (with some money i have saved from my last job) for groceries and utilities etc. but other than that his income carries most of the weight. i'm starting to rethink about being a stay home mom. that's the thing w/ marriage, it isn't perfect, but the key was to choose someone whose character flaws are bearable for a lifetime. hopefully his hypercritical nature will not kill me overtime. for a person to have the need to be absolutely be right over something so trite w/ his pregnant wife is beyond dissappointing to me. i tried to drop the stupid argument over water but he still takes stabs at me whenever he can... pointing out my sensitivity and now saying that i was sensitive even before i was pregnant so it doesn't matter. but what stinks is i am so scatterbrained that i no longer know how to explain myself well. usually i am clever with my words, but i can't even make a point these days so i get even more irritable. what's worse is i have developed anger issues where i sometimes start throwing things! and he knows that he shouldn't challenge my temper, but the need to be right is more important i guess... now i just feel uncomfortable around him, i don't want to talk and i wish i could have my own place to go to, but unfortunately he is my roomate!! grrrr...

 

star_eyes - October 15

Hi Evae, Are you referring to the cla__s that I'm taking and not the test? If so, yes, that depression/anxiety cla__s is on October 22nd. I'm looking forward to that. Well, it sounds like what's going on with you and your husband IS a depressing situation. Maybe you're affected by hormones as well but he doesn't seem to be helping the situation at all. That's not right. How important is it to him to be right? More important than the well being of his wife and relationship and growing baby? How silly. Your lives are about to change forever and you should be enjoying these last few months of alone time instead of arguing them away. I'm sure neither one of you wants to bring your baby into a hostil environment. That's not fair to any of you. Do you think that maybe he's feeling anxiety of his own and therefore taking it out on you by starting arguments?? Also, that's not right for him to make you feel bad about him being the sole provider. You're doing what you can and being a SAHM is the hardest job there is. If he agreed to do it this way then it's not fair for him to make you feel bad about it now. I'm sure that being as secluded as you've been lately as well as how your husband has been acting is really taking it's tole on you emotionally. Have you tried sitting your husband down and telling him how how all of this is making you feel?

 

evae777 - October 15

oh yes i have. i even took his offer that he knows he is right but since i am pregnant he was just going to take all the wrongs to make me feel better! that was his offer and i took it, just because i am so tired of his hearing who is right or wrong. in situations like this it is such a dead end. i've decided that i am not going to pamper him anymore until he shows me some grat_tude and respect. battling it out with words doesnt work. it is like arguing with someone that an apple is not an orange. you just can't win if they insist that the 2 are the same thing! i dont even want to sleep in the same bed as him, but i've been trying to rise above it and by sleeping in the same bed. i have lost respect for him as the man of the house! these past few days when i look at him i dont even find him appealing anymore. hopefully my situation helps you feel like you don't have it that bad....

 

star_eyes - October 15

Were things that way with him before recently? If not then maybe it is just the tension of imagining your new lifestyle to come. I know my husband has been having his share of anxiety knowing that soon he will be a father and a sole provider. Fortunately he handles it differenty and sort of just gets quiet instead of directing his anxiety at me. I'm with you on not giving him any special attention until he starts showing you some more respect. You've got enough on your plate right now. Hopefully he'll realize how petty he's acting. Hang in there girl!! :)

 

evae777 - October 15

are you going to be a stay home mom? how long have you been married to your husband. and yes, unfortunately my partner has been this way before. it is the one thing i accepted since he is great in many other areas and i was hopeful he would work on his sensitivity (he was doing well for a while). i shouldnt' be one to talk, i am sensitive too, but if he is nice to me i usually don't get mad easily. i decided to go to the movies by myself tonight and im actually looking forward to it. screw it, we need to keep our sanity the best we can! once the baby comes, i won't be able to take off like this. so do you have a girl name picked out yet? i really wanted a girl because i have a neice that is 10 and super cute, but i ended up with a boy and heard that they are good too since they are usually more attached to their moms. we are naming him Jack :D

 

evae777 - October 15

and when are you due??

 

star_eyes - October 16

Hi Evae, What movie did you end up seeing last night? Are you feeling any better today? Yes, I am going to be a SAHM. I'm not going to be working anymore after December 14th. I can't wait!! I think I'd be going crazy if I weren't working right now though. It helps keep my mind busy...Although, I still think about the baby 24/7 even while working! I am due on January 3rd. I hope she comes a tad bit sooner though. It would be so nice to spend Christmas with her! Also, don't forget the tax deduction! Heheh! We are going to name her Keara but we don't know what her middle name will be yet. My grandmother's middle name is May so I thought maybe that would be cute...Keara May. :) I thought we were having a boy for sure but then we found out she was a girl. We'd be happy either way though. I'm excited to have a girl because I love all the cute clothes and everything and of course it will be so much fun to teach her everything I know as a woman. Although, I'd do the same with my son...Jack is such a cute name! When are you due?

 

evae777 - October 16

keara is a cute name! i like it! if i had a girl i was going to name her Ella, Elle, or Eva. the strange thing with names is i will pick out one i like and then say it in my head too many times and then get tired of the name. for instance, Jack, simple-solid name, but after playing it over and over i feel like it should be something else. before we had picked out Afton. (it rhymes with Ashton), it grew on me and then my partner says that he doesnt like it anymore and then i got bored of it too! so Jack is the default name. that's nice you will be a SAHM. i bet it is rough sometimes with the stress of work. i was doing Outside Sales, flexible job, great money, but my boss was really moody and paranoid and made it tough especially when i was in my 1st tri and sick all the time so i had to just call it quits. do you have any other stay at home mom friends in san jose? i was thinking about taking up prenatal yoga to meet some soon to be moms, but i am embarra__sed to say it... i'm unmotivated and don't want to spend the money!! now that i don't bring in my own income and don't have control much of my own savings, i am trying to hoard as much as i can for myself before the baby comes! you never know when you need to do some extra shopping for self :D plus living in the city, our expenses are just unbelievable :( i went to watch Eastern Crossing last night, the ratings were at 89% & it was a good movie but a little slow. and i feel much better. i didnt make dinner or anything last night, just took myself out. and he was being super nice. i told him yesterday that i can't focus on his behavior and be stressed like this that i have to take care of myself and the pregnancy. he got really nice and said sorry, blah blah, but i'm sure he holds a little resentment for having to be the one to give in. oh well. he needs to learn its not the end of the world to be sorry. i do it all the time! plus not having the daily ma__sages and homecooked meals must be killing him. hehe. i didnt even pack his luggage last night for his business trip today. can't let them get used to the good life. someone is going to have to put in their fair share! anyways, i come home and the dishes are put away, etc. jeee... if only it could be like that all the time! so i am feeling much better than the past 5 days and thank you for asking :) how are you feeling? are you still worrying? well... once we have these little rugrats it will be a different world of worrying and stress!

 

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